I felt someone brushing my hair as I awoke. Gently and sweetly, as though lulling me back to sleep. It was cold all around me, and there's also a strange, familiar smell that stings my nose.
"Baby, I'm always here for you. We will get through this," I heard someone mutter, and then felt something touch my forehead.
I slowly opened my eyes, and Zachary's face greeted me. There is a trace of worry and trouble on his face. His hair was a mess, and the bottom of his eyes were almost black, as if he hadn't slept in days.
My expression was blank. I ignored his presence and looked around. The room was painted all white, and I was lying in a hospital bed with dextrose attached to me. The bandage on my wrist did not escape my sight either. In those moments, my memories slowly returned before I even lost consciousness. I closed my eyes again and let out a tired breath.
"How are you? Do you need anything? Do you want to drink?" he asked one after another.
"How many days have I been here?" I asked instead of answering him.
I heard him take a deep breath. "Two days, baby," he answered softly.
I smiled bitterly. I was waiting for him to ask for something trivial, but it didn't come. It's like he's being careful and giving me time to be okay.
I opened my eyes again. "What are you doing here?"
"Baby..." he said with difficulty and carefully held my hand.
Even though I was weak, I withdrew my hand and averted my eyes. "You're doing this because of the baby, right?"
"Atasha, I am here because of you. I care for you," he said in a hoarse tone.
I couldn't help but look back at him. "Are we going to fool around, Zachary?" I laughed and said. "You're here because you need something from me. Don't deceive me anymore."
Tears formed in the corner of his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but it seemed that he was struggling. He swallowed hard and bent down, holding my hand again. He lifted it carefully and then trailed kisses from the back of my palm to my bandaged wrist.
"P-Please..." he rasped. "Hurt me instead. Don't do this again." When he raised his eyes towards me, his tears completely fell.
I was stunned while watching him. I want to slap him, but I don't have the strength to do that. I just averted my eyes and secretly clenched one of my hands.
"I am not pregnant, Zachary," I said blankly. "Stop acting in front of me."
I expected him to be surprised or angry, but he only tightened his grip on me. I looked at him again, and a bitter smile drew on his lips as he looked at me. I couldn't help raising an eyebrow at him.
"Didn't you hear me? I'm not pregnant, so stop pretending. I tricked you and played with you," I repeated, hoping to hurt him.
I want to see him cry because of my lie. I want to see him angry. I want to see him lost, but why is he acting differently in front of me?
He still didn't speak. He turned his eyes to both of our hands. He gently caressed the back of my palm with his thumb and then took a deep breath.
"Baby . . . I know. I am aware," he said slowly.
"What?" not in my own words.
He forced a smile and looked at me. "Atasha, I don't care if you are pregnant or not. As long as you're with me, that's fine."
I shook my head in disbelief and withdrew my hand. "You're going crazy," I said as my brain went blank.
He knows. . . but why? Why did he follow my orders? My so-called pregnancy cravings.
"Maybe I'm going crazy, but if that's the only way I can be with you, I don't care," he said calmly.
I shook my head again. "No, that's not true. If you know I'm lying, you won't be so gullible as to follow every command I give," I insisted.
Zachary sighed, and the next thing he did stunned me. He gently bent down towards my waist, then hugged me carefully. He rested his head on my chest and slowly closed his eyes.
"Atasha, I am desperate to have you again...." he whispered, loud enough for me to hear. "I am mad at you not because you fooled me of your pregnancy, but because of the lie I believed years ago. But when I saw that as a chance to bring you back into my life, I don't care anymore if you cheated or not; even if I looked crazy for believing something that wasn't true, I'll do it blindly just to have you back."
I couldn't speak because I was confused by what I was hearing. Even if I wanted to get angry because he insisted that I cheated again, I couldn't because of the confusion.
"I wanted to get revenge on you, so I went after your sister. I made an effort knowing that you might not care about me. I put everything at stake only to bring you back home. But maybe I'm really crazy because instead of retaliating right in front of you, I'd rather get down on my knees and beg to get you back," he continued.
I was stunned when his shoulders shook. He sank into my chest and hugged me even tighter—as if, in that way, he was afraid of losing me. My clothes got wet little by little because of the tears he shed.
"I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I am sorry I was not there. I'm sorry if I couldn't protect you. Believe me, baby, I have no idea what really happened," he continued between his sobs.
There was a part of my heart that wanted to comfort him, but I remained silent. I'm confused by what he's saying, and I can't put it all together. Anger still prevails in my chest.
He wasn't there? Is he fooling me?
"Zachary," I said, steadying my voice.
He didn't immediately move or answer; he kept sobbing while hugging me.
"Tell me, are you mentally ill?" I asked without any emotion.
Then he raised his head and looked at me. There was a trace of confusion on his face; he seemed to be looking for a more detailed question. I gently pushed him away from me and carefully averted his gaze.
"If you tell me now that you have dissociative identity disorder, maybe I'll understand what you're saying," I whispered. "But... I still can't forgive you," I added emphatically.
From the corner of my eye, I saw him wipe his cheeks. "Atasha, believe me, I am sane. I don't have any illness."
I slowly looked at him and raised my eyebrows. "Then tell me, do you have a twin?"
His mouth fell open. He blinked several times as if he didn't understand my questions. I laughed out loud and shook my head in disbelief.
"You don't have it, right?" I said mockingly. "How dare you try to lure me with your dramas even though I witnessed your betrayal? How dare you fvcking say that you're sorry when in fact you're not? What? It was just my illusion that you had sex with my sister? When you left me when my baby and I were fighting for our lives? When you left me in the hospital? Fvck you, Zachary. Fvck you. You're crazy."
His mouth fell open again. I could see the mixture of pain and anger in his eyes, which I tried to ignore. I don't want to fall into his trap; I'm not stupid. I saw everything very clearly.
"Get out, Zachary. Take care of my hospital discharge," I said coldly.
"Atash—"
"I said get out, Zachary!" I cut him off and shook his hand when he tried to hold me again. "Leave before I even kill you. I swear, I wouldn't hesitate to do that at this time," I warned sharply, making his shoulders drop weakly.
For the last time, he gave me a gentle look. His lips trembled, and his tears fell again on his cheeks. He looked like he was being choked and had difficulty speaking.
He tried to smile in front of me and stood with his head down; he almost fell due to weakness. He firmly held the edge of the hospital bed and laughed softly. He also shook his head several times, as if he couldn't accept what I said.
"Tell me, Atasha," he whispered, then slowly lifted his gaze towards me. "Are you angry with your parents because they also had something to do with what happened to our child?" he asked as if he was confirming something.
My jaw clenched when I remembered what I learned in the mansion. Anger rose again in my chest. I don't know why he kept asking that question even though he knew the answer, but because I was tired of arguing over and over again, I gave him what he want. I met his gaze sharply and smiled blankly.
"All of you killed my innocent child, Zachary, so don't pretend that you didn't plan it together."