Zenovia
“Why are you here?” I asked blandly when I saw my father after opening the door to Maksimillian’s suite. Obviously, he learned about the suite from Mihai. Well, if not from Marisha or Maksimillian himself.
Maksimillian was out to talk with his aunt in her suite, and it was already after dinner. He and I had just arrived from eating out at a Russian restaurant on Strada Mureșenilor. I did enjoy eating pelmeni (dumplings served with either vinegar or sour cream, and I chose the latter) and khvorost (brushwood crunchy cookies).
It was my last night in Brașov, and I’d go back to Iași the following morning, so that I could have enough rest and go to work the next day. I’d be back to my reality after this vacation. As for my and Maksimillian’s deal, we hadn’t talked about it yet. I had no idea how to make this work, since I now had a dilemma over this entire thing. It wasn’t because of my life being threatened, but it was because of my growing feelings for Maksimillian. Fact: I was more afraid of my feelings than my life in peril. It was a twisted logic if I’d think about it.
“I know you’re mad at me,” my father began in a soft tone.
“I think that’s an understatement,” my cold retort and turned my back on him.
“Zenovia!”
I stopped and slowly turned to face him, trying to not scream at him with all the hatred I felt inside and kept for so many years. My hands were in tight balls at my sides.
“You have no idea how much I hated you all this time,” I began with a tight jaw. “You have no idea how Mămică suffered because of what you did… You just don’t know she was in great pain because of you! Right.” I laughed ruefully. “Of course, you didn’t because you weren’t there, but I was there to witness it! She cried every single night, and it went on for a long time. Even though she tried to hide it from me, I heard her every sob that she tried to suppress! And then, in the morning, she’s smiling to show me she is fine. But her puffy eyes couldn’t lie to me. She tried to be brave and strong in front of me. And you know what? I told her to stop crying over you because you don’t deserve her tears. Neither one of us did!” I shouted at him, not minding the open door and my voice reaching the hallway.
“Zenovia, I know what I’ve done was wrong.” He looked at me with pleading eyes. “If only I could turn back—”
I raised an index finger, gritting my teeth as I said, “You can’t! You can’t turn back time and undo what you did. We were a family, but you threw us away. All of us here on Earth have only one chance at life. You blew it off right in our faces, and it hurt!” My voice croaked, and I sniffled, trying hard to blink away the tears that formed in my eyes. “The pain you inflicted us is still there. You don’t even deserve to be called my dad. You don’t also deserve Mihai’s love and respect!” I derided, tears already spilling from my eyes.
“No, you’re wrong! We have many chances in this world, not only one. If you just give me another chance, we can still be a family—you, me and Mihai.”
I scoffed at him. A family, the three of us? He was unbelievable.
Sniffling and wiping my tears angrily, I shook my head. “You think it’s easy for me to just… forgive you now and be family again? It’s not even the same! You ruined our lives!”
“Zenovia…” he paused, blinking his teary eyes. “You just don’t know how hard it was for me to stay away from you. Remember when I went to our house after the divorce?”
“Don’t,” I warned him as memories flowed in my mind. My tears just didn’t stop falling.
“I wanted to tell you how sorry I was, Zenovia. And I still am. But you didn’t give me a chance then. I wanted to tell you that I’ll never stop being your father even though your mum and I separated ways, but you were adamant about not having me around. You even destroyed all your paintings—the paintings that I loved so much! It was like you ended everything between us at that moment. And I thought…” He breathed hard. “I thought that it was best to stay away as you wished, because I didn’t want to hurt you more than I already have. And yet, I didn’t know I even hurt you more by staying away then and for not being there for you all these years. And I regret listening to your angry words at the time. I wished I knew what was the right thing to do for you to let me into your life, to stay there and be there for you as a father should. I wasn’t and am not a good father, but let me make it up to you now, Zenovia. Te rog (Please)!”
I uncontrollably bawled when I heard these words. More hot tears ran down my cheeks, my lips and chin quivering. My shoulders shook, and I could not breathe well as if my chest was pressed by something invisible while my throat was constricted.
I swallowed hard and cried hard. That was when I felt my father’s embrace. It was warm and gentle. His subtle woodsy and unique scent was too familiar that my heart beat strongly against my rib cage.
I did miss him. A lot. I missed his embrace and affectionate kisses. He was a sweet father and used to kiss my cheeks and forehead. He was also actually a hugger. Whenever I achieved something, I was kissed and hugged by him, telling me how proud he was of me. All of this just rushed into me again. After so many years that I shut off all those happy memories, they came back to me now. And my eyes were like a broken dam.
I didn’t even notice Maksimillian right away when he stood by the doorway, watching us father and daughter, crying each other’s eyes out.