Zenovia
“Oh, my God, Zenovia! You really are pregnant!” Antonia squealed happily and almost jumped as she squeezed me with her embrace. She was obviously thrilled for me.
Even on a Sunday, we were at her clinic, which had a lab. She drew a sample of my blood and called a health care personnel to measure my hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin). We waited for a few hours, and the result was out. She read it and gave me such an epic look.
My heart was beating so fast as I took in this very reality. My reality from now on.
I was eight weeks pregnant! I thanked God in my head and in my heart as tears streamed down my face.
Antonia cupped my face as she looked at me. “You should tell Maks! I know he’d just fly here and sweep you off your feet, literally!” she suggested excitedly.
I snorted and laughed, pushing her hands away from my face. Then, I wiped my tears with the back of my hand.
“No! No.”
She frowned instantly. “What? Why? Isn’t it in your contract? It is done, Zen. You must tell him the truth. Or, do you want to keep him by your side that’s why you won’t tell him? I mean, you can still do that even though he learns about the news, because I know he cares about you so much! I just know he’ll be more than willing to stay by your side.”
I swallowed hard and sniffled, shaking my head. “I-I’m not ready.”
She gave me a look that was filled with doubt and dissatisfaction. “Then, what about your family? Are you going to tell them about this?”
Her words made me still.
Right. I had my family to tell the news. But… would they be happy that I conceived out of wedlock?
***
“Hey, why do you seem edgy and worried?” Mămică asked me when we finished dinner. There was concern on her face as she gazed at me. We were still at the table, sitting across from each other. “Is something bothering you this much?”
I fidgeted on the rose-coloured table napkin, as I weighed inside my head whether I should really tell her about my pregnancy or not, without telling Maksimillian first.
“Mămică, I…”
She reached for my hand and smiled at me encouragingly. “You can tell me anything, dragă mea (my darling),” she spoke gently.
I took a deep breath and let it go slowly. “I… I’m pregnant, Mămică.” My eyes were intently on her face, gauging her reaction.
Her mouth opened and closed while her eyes went round. “Y-you’re pregnant?” Then, she burst into tears with a laughing face. She got up from her seat, went around the table and hugged me from behind, where I was seated. “Oh, dragă mea! I’m so happy for you!”
“Y-you’re really you happy that I am pregnant?” I squeaked, eyes wavering with tears. I turned to see her.
“Of course, I am, dragă mea!” She cupped my face with a teary, smiling face. There was understanding and motherly love in her eyes. I could see it clearly.
“Oh, Mămică!” My plump tears continued to roll down my cheeks.
“I know what you’ve been through, Zenovia. Having a child is a gift! It’s Maksimillian’s, isn’t it?”
I nodded to her and cried.
“Does he know?” she asked, wiping away my tears.
I shook my head. Hence, confusion was on her face.
“Why? Aren’t you going to tell him?”
I told her about the contract and everything between me and Maksimillian, which made her gasp in disbelief. “Zenovia!” Her tone was enough a life-long scold. “You shouldn’t have done that! How could you stoop so low and⸺and⸺”
“I’m so sorry, Mămică… but despite all that’s happened or how it all started… I-I’ve fallen in love with Maks!”
Her eyes softened, and she touched my cheek gently. “Oh, săraca mea fiică (my poor daughter)! You can just tell Maksimillian the truth. Don’t shy away from it.”
“Nu, Mămică, nu!” I disagreed almost vehemently.
She looked at me with confusion. “Why not? Not to mention about your contract, he has the right to know, Zenovia. He’s the father of your child!”
“I know! But what if he’s going to take away my baby? I can’t let him do that, Mămică!”
She took another seat that was beside mine. She rested an elbow on the rectangular table, which was made of glass and stood on steel legs.
“Remember I spoke with him when I first met him at your apartment? I knew the moment I set my eyes on him that he has feelings for you, Zenovia. And I could tell that he’s serious about you. If he isn’t, why is he still coming and going just to see and stay with you? If you think about it, he’s a rich man, and he has everything. If he doesn’t care about you, he’s not going to see you again after what has transpired between you two, contract or not! You have no money to go after him if he breached the contract, do you?”
I sighed. My mother had a point.
“I’d rather that you be honest with him. Hear him out if he has something to tell you, Zenovia. I know that you have that fear in your heart,” she added, lightly touching my chest. “But you have to let it go. Don’t be afraid to face what’s making you frightened. Fear is normal, dragă mea. But one way or another, whether you like it or not, time will come that you must face it. It’s up to you whether you’ll let yourself be crushed by it or not. It’s entirely up to you. If you choose to be happy, there should be no more fear in your heart, in your life.
“Because me? I was past that. Take it from me. At first, I was afraid, lonely and devastated when your father left me for another woman and child. I kept asking myself then, Can I raise Zenovia all by myself without her father? Can I give her a good future now that Daniel is gone? Will I be enough a parent to her? Does she hate me too, as she hates her father because I chose to divorce him? How can I make it up to her? Or how can I assure her that I will always be here for her even without her father? How can I tell her not to hate her father that much?”
“Oh, Mămică!” I cried as I watched her tears race down her face. I didn’t know this was all that was going on in her head these past years since the divorce.
“Zenovia, your father did fail as a husband and as a father, but it’s fine. No one’s perfect. Every failure is part of our life, so is every joy that we choose to have. Happiness is a choice, remember that. If you learn to let yourself go, then you’ll be free of the sadness, of all the negativities. Just… give everything its own time. A chance. And maybe, you can also give Maksimillian a chance to show you whether or not he’s true to you, if you still doubt him, which I don’t. I trust the man, if you ask me.” She looked at me knowingly.
‘I wish I’d stop worrying and just really trust him, Mămică…’