It was only a few streets to All In, so I had some time to go over the day mentally while running.
So that was it... the connection you only have with one person and I was already getting addicted to the feelings he made me feel. That racing heart that made me feel alive. The goosebumps that showed that my body had also completely succumbed to his charms and this indescribably carefree feeling as if he could free me from everything bad just by being close...
And then I suddenly felt bad about him because he kept confiding in me. Whether it was his wolf secret or the tragic death of his sister, I was hiding something from him, namely the real reason for her death, which suddenly made my throat tighten.
He didn't deserve to be lied to. Didn't deserve that I withheld this bitter truth from him... and I did it anyway... why???
I couldn't explain it to myself and blamed my fear for him. He may have been a wolf, but he often acted without thinking, and we've already seen what happened when you stormed into Pablo's office without thinking...
The flickering, red light of space tore me out of my thoughts and quickly the worries in my head grew louder again, the burden on my shoulders heavier and the desperation in my heart burned painfully into every fiber of my being.
I calmly tried to take a few deep breaths. Imagining that the days would be mine and Reahlyn's and the nights I'd try to spend with Benjamin. It wasn't a bad life at all...
I hesitantly opened the black door, walked slowly step by step into this abyss of hell and also directly saw Pablo, Esteban and Josh at the bar, the latter of whom noticed me first and gave me a friendly smile.
"There she is. More beautiful than ever," beamed Pablo actingly and got up from his stool, while Esteban didn't even bother to look up from his glass of whiskey.
I hurt him, he believed me... I had to live with that, even if it hurt.
"Hello," I said quietly as Pablo put his arm around my shoulders as if to present me to them both like a trophy.
"Last night was incredible. I can't stop thinking about it," he grinned while pinching my cheek, speaking loud enough for everyone to hear as well, as if to provoke the others until he luckily suddenly broke away from me and looked at me disparagingly.
"Love, you smell like wet dog!", he got upset and made a disgusted face, which suddenly made me smile and I thought I felt Esteban's eyes on me for a moment.
"That's a freshly washed dog," I said proudly, because even though I was here in hell, I realized that my wolf was still with me.
"Anyway. Please go change. Natalia is already in the back," he explained without paying any more attention to me, and when he sat down next to Esteban at the counter, I walked my usual way to the cloakroom.
"Hello," Natalia greeted me happily as I entered the small room, who was just about to put on black pantyhose.
"Hey," I just said confused and eyed her curiously. She suddenly seemed so relaxed and happy to me, even though she otherwise seemed so scared and lost.
I didn't ask any more questions and took off my coat and sweater to hang them on the pole. I then picked out a nice purple dress and pulled it on after getting rid of my jeans as well.
Natalia suddenly started humming a happy tune next to me while applying mascara and looking at herself in the mirror.
Frowning, I stood right next to her, glanced at my reflection and then back at her questioningly...
"Is there a reason for your good mood?" I then wanted to know in a friendly manner and she immediately looked over at me with a twinkle in her eyes.
"Did you see that guy at the bar?" she squeaked, showing her white teeth while I thought about Pablo and Josh, but she could hardly mean them. "I mean that hot guy in the white shirt! Pablo said I'd have to take care of him all week! Have you seen how he looks?"
I didn't want to show anything, but my heart was racing uncontrollably and when she bit her lower lip seductively, I wanted to jump on her neck...
But I didn't, because he wasn't mine and even though I couldn't bear the thought of him and her inside, I stayed calm and only gave her a fleeting smile before exiting the dressing room, holding back tears.
Why was I so jealous!
It pissed me off myself...
I didn't want to feel anything for him... but I couldn't, and no matter how hard I forced myself to think about Reahlyn, I still couldn't get Esteban out of my mind, especially since he was still at the bar when I did ran to Pablo.
"Wow. A beautiful dress for a beautiful woman," Pablo said immediately, his irises darting across my body, and then patted his lap several times, which I also reluctantly sat down on, trying to ignore Esteban. "If the place is a bit full, please go dancing and love, I demand full commitment."
I gave Pablo a quick nod and then turned my gaze to the black counter, just imagining that if I tried, he would surely take me with him.
That was all I wanted right now...
"So now we're toasting. Josh! Four glasses and the best bottle of sparkling wine we've got."
I stared questioningly at Pablo, on whose lap it was agony for me to sit, while Esteban smoked one cigarette after the other next to us and looked lost in his empty glass. Everything inside me contracted uncomfortably at the sight of him, especially when I remembered the last words I had thrown at him. But his heart wasn't the only thing that's been broken in a chasm of despair ever since...
But it was for his own good, so I bravely endured it and turned my wistful gaze away from him to look at Pablo.
"What is there to celebrate?" I asked irritably and Pablo immediately smiled and kissed my cheek, which felt so forced as if someone was scraping my skin.
"Since when do we need a reason to sit together and enjoy life," he laughed and his cheerfulness was the most absurd thing I had ever experienced, especially in this situation that was dragging me down into complete darkness.
It couldn't get any worse... at least that's what I thought...
"Look, look," Pablo said, looking past my shoulder, where my curious gaze fell. Natalia padded down the hallway with a cheerful expression, only a thin red velvet dress covering her petite body. She tossed her long, blond hair elegantly over her shoulder and then stood right between us and Esteban to greet him warmly.
"Well, sweetheart," she whispered, putting her hand high on his thigh, which momentarily angered me so much that I rammed my fingernails, which were on Pablo's neck, deep into his skin.
I immediately turned my gaze to him apologetically and he looked at me like he was just thinking about what kind of punishment to inflict on me. At that moment I didn't give a fuck.
"So," Josh then drew everyone's attention and placed a glass in front of everyone, then opened the champagne bottle to pour everyone some.
My gaze kept darting to Esteban, careful that Pablo wouldn't notice.
Luckily for me, he didn't pay any attention to Natalia, and when she ran her hand even further up to his crotch, I held my breath, my heart racing, until I watched him push her hand away without even looking at her .
A relieved smile formed on my lips and when I glanced at Pablo, his ice-cold gaze met mine, which immediately made me turn to the champagne glasses.
"Here," I smiled playfully and handed one of the glasses to Pablo while I held mine and when Natalia then wanted to hand Esteban one, he just shook his head in silence.
"Ah, brother. Have a glass with us now. Besides, you shouldn't push Natalia away. She has excellent qualities," Pablo laughed, and when Natalia then bent breasts first to Esteban to kiss him seductively Breathing on my cheek, there was a loud clang and my eyes widened in shock while everyone, even Esteban, stared at me in amazement.
"What's the matter with you?" Pablo snapped at me angrily and before I even realized what had happened, I suddenly felt this tugging pain in my hand.
My eyes darted over the shards that had sunk slightly into my palm as Pablo lifted me by the waist to shove me off his lap.
What little blood flowed very slowly over my skin and I watched this red liquid in fascination while everyone else probably thought I was completely crazy.
So I stood there and watched with pain as none of the three paid any more attention to me.
Pablo turned to Esteban, as did Natalia, and both seemed more than keen on convincing Esteban to have a night to remember with the blonde.
The music around me grew quieter, even the people seemed further away than ever. A loneliness erupted within me that almost drove me insane until I noticed a hand on my arm, pulling me out of my chaos.
"Come on. I have a plaster here, but we should clean the wound first."
Josh looked at me with his warm eyes and after I gave him a nod of thanks, I followed him back into the bathroom.
I leaned my head against the cold, white tiles while Josh manipulated my hand under the lukewarm water, which had an immediate calming effect on me and my body.
"I'm not stupid," he then said quietly and I looked over at him, but he put his full attention on my wounds. "I realize you're suffering. Every day, but the last few days have been really scary, love. I'm really worried. As it seems to be related to Pablo and Esteban, would you like to open up to someone neutral?"
He looked at me fleetingly, but I just shook my head, making it difficult for him to exhale.
"Sag doch-"
He was interrupted by Pablo coming through the door into the small bathroom and silently telling him to leave us alone with his eyes alone.
Josh gave me one last apologetic look before leaving us and before anything was said, Pablo suddenly grabbed my injured hand and squeezed so hard I whimpered out loud.
"What was that supposed to be?!", he asked angrily and when I looked at him with tears in my eyes, not a word came out of my trembling lips, so he squeezed tightly again.
I gritted my teeth. Felt the pain ripple through my body and knew I had to lie to him about something.
I had to lie so that I would believe myself...
"It's because of Natalia," I then whispered, not avoiding his intense gaze as he slowly held me against the wall with his other hand by my neck.
"You don't want Esteban to fuck her, do you?" he said expressionlessly and I immediately shook my head to place my free hand on his cheek.
"It's not about Esteban," I lied, looking deep into his eyes. "It's about you. You talked about her qualities and that's when the images came back to my head, how you..."
He seemed thoughtful for a moment and then immediately parted his lips slightly and let go of my aching hand and neck, causing me to take a deep breath.
His eyes seemed full of excitement, which made it clear to me that he really believed me. A stone fell from my heart.
"Find a customer now. Tomorrow you can come to my place after work. Unfortunately, I still have a lot to do today," he grinned dirty and even I had to smile. Not because of him, but because it wouldn't be long before I would see Benjamin again, and that was only thanks to my convincing way of lying...