Relieved, after Pablo left me alone, I turned to the mirror behind me and looked deep into my own blue eyes.
Another shitty night, another day that I'm sure felt like forever, and I'd finally be able to see my son again, even if he didn't know who I was. But that didn't matter either...
Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes for a moment to prepare myself and my mind to start looking for someone to pay me for a night, and then I slipped completely into character.
I left the bathroom with my head held high and walked down the dark hallway only to realize that Natalia had probably finally given up on Esteban.
He was still sitting there the same as before, seeming to search for answers at the bottom of his empty whiskey glass...
I would have loved to have been there for him... but I wasn't allowed...
"Hey, you're Love, aren't you?", a dark, expressionless voice suddenly spoke to me from the side and when I turned to him with wide eyes, I held my breath for a moment.
It was a six-foot giant who, with his full beard and longer hair, didn't look well groomed. He also smelled disgustingly of ashtray and hard alcohol.
"Yes," I said after a moment's hesitation and he immediately gave a creepy smile.
"Well then, please come with me. I'd like-"
"One night with her?" Pablo suddenly cut him off, stepping close to put his arm around my shoulders. "Pay me then you can take this beauty with you."
The guy rummaged in his dirty pants and then pulled out several bills, which he handed to Pablo without a word. He counted with relish and then turned to me with a smile.
"Have fun," he just grinned and disappeared with my money back to the counter, where he took Esteban's arm, who was already swaying slightly, to take him to his office.
I gazed after him wistfully, almost sinking back into guilt until the caveman roughly grabbed my arm.
"So come on now. I don't have all night," he snapped at me and pulled me by the arm to the stairs.
"Very romantic!" I bitched and then looked down at myself. "Wait! I don't even have a jacket!"
He didn't seem to care at all because no matter how hard I tried to free my arm and how loudly I protested, he just wouldn't stop.
As soon as I got outside I felt an icy cold that made me tremble all over and my teeth chatter. That idiot!
"You're hurting me," I moaned in a trembling voice and let him pull me by the arm into a side street, where he suddenly let go of me. Either he didn't want to bother taking me home or he was homeless.
"Hey, little one," I suddenly heard someone behind me and turned around, eyes wide.
"Reahlyn," I beamed from ear to ear and ran the last few meters towards him to pull him into a tight hug.
"Shit, love! Your whole body is shaking!" he stated and broke away from me to take off his leather jacket and white sweater. He carefully pulled both over me and then threw a warning look at the guy.
"You said in, pay and get out," he immediately defended himself about my tight suit and I took a deep breath when I realized that Reahlyn had sent him. For a moment I was worried that bullets would fly again.
"Put on your helmet, please."
He handed me the black helmet with a smile and then ran back to the guy to give him some money. Despite everything, I was still fascinated by the fact that he was only wearing a white tank top and didn't seem to be freezing. Being a wolf really had many advantages...
"Well then, get out of here," he said encouragingly when he came back and sat on his motorbike, where I immediately sat down behind him and clung to him tightly.
The loud roar of the machine echoed through the narrow streets and we then drove off in the direction of the forest at breakneck speed.
I let the ride roam my mind. Thinking about the last hour. About how jealous I had reacted... About how glad I was about Pablo's words about seeing Benjamin tomorrow. About how bad Esteban was because of me and suddenly I couldn't hold back my tears under the helmet.
It was all too much. I was constantly catapulted from one feeling to another. I no longer knew normality at all, always oscillated between extremes and slowly I couldn't really cope with it anymore.
Add to that my guilty conscience about being attracted to two men... I felt like a burden to everything and everyone who had to have anything to do with me.
Reahlyn apparently noticed that I wasn't feeling well because I immediately felt his hand on mine, clutched tightly around his stomach. It calmed me, but the tears still didn't stop and now I was even ashamed of crying myself.
When we finally got there, I carefully dismounted and removed my helmet to wipe the tears from my face while Reahlyn regarded me with concern until his eyes locked on my injured hand.
"Who was that?" he immediately asked in an angry voice, dismounting his machine to stand right in front of me.
"Me," I admitted, embarrassed at why I hurt myself, avoiding his gaze.
"And how did that happen?"
I looked him deep into his eyes and just wanted to be honest. It didn't matter if he would send me away again, he didn't deserve to be lied to any longer and I didn't have the strength anymore to eat everything over and over again and break down in the process.
"I love you," I breathed softly and he immediately wanted to take my hand, but I took a step back, which made him look at me questioningly. "But I also have feelings for Esteban."
I was ashamed. Ashamed to even exist. Ashamed for saying that to his face like that and most of all I was ashamed of the feelings I just couldn't change.
As I just stood there, waiting for his reaction and looking at him through my veil of tears, I was sure he would react to my words with anger, annoyance, blame or ignorance, because that's how everyone would have reacted, but he wasn't like everyone, which proved this situation once again.
He didn't look angry or indifferent. On the contrary! The corners of his mouth twitched and even here in the darkness I could see that sparkle in his eyes. Maybe he didn't understand me correctly?
Irritated, I wiped my eyes dry with the sleeve of my sweater, which was much too big for me, and looked questioningly up into his eyes.
"Reahlyn?" I whispered softly, taking a step towards him. "I'm sorry."
"You love me?" he repeated my statement from just now and he seemed totally taken aback by these words, which were meant really honestly by me.
"How could I not," I breathed uncertainly and immediately he put his warm hands on my cheeks and looked at me intently.
"I have to admit, it hurts like hell that there is another one, Love. So painful that I have to pull myself together not to jump for his throat immediately," he explained in a trembling voice. "But knowing that you love me, and without me forcing you to feel that way with a marker, shows me that there can be a future for both of us. You will have to make a choice because I could never share you , but I want you to know that I will fight by all means because I have loved you from the moment I looked into your beautiful blue eyes."
For a moment I had the feeling that the ground was being torn from under my feet. My heart was pounding wildly and I could literally feel his words taking over my entire being...
"It was never my intention to hurt you," I whispered to him, still amazed at his words, sinking into the blue of his eyes.
"I know," he breathed understandingly, kissing my forehead gently before reluctantly removing his hands from my cheeks. "Now let's put all of this behind us for at least a few hours. I want you to be able to switch off because I don't want to watch you constantly suffer."
I smiled up at him gratefully and then took his hand to walk him to his hut, past the campfire where a few still sat that I ignored.
"Would you like something to eat, drink or something else?" he asked caringly when we got to his door and paused for a moment.
"I have everything I need," I replied, then preceded him into the hut to take off his leather jacket and sit on the edge of his bed.
"I like it when you wear my clothes."
He grinned at me and then, blushing, I looked down at myself and scrutinized the white sweater that fell to mid-thigh.
"I think so too. Your clothes are always so nice and warm and smell like you," I admitted, embarrassed, and pulled my collar forward a little to sniff it with a smile.
It apparently irritated him, since after I looked him in the eye again, he had an expression like he was having to pull himself together extremely hard not to throw himself down wildly.
Just his eyes, fixing me so eagerly, made my heart pound so loud he was sure he would hear. My breathing quickened, my hands began to sweat, and once again, without even being touched by him, I felt something so intense it was driving me insane.
"I'm going to go for a short walk," he said with a trembling voice. "You can choose something to sleep in from the closet."
And gone was was. He almost hit the door frame, which made me laugh and shake my head once he was outside.
Did I really have such a strong effect on him? It was really a whole new experience for me to finally not have the feeling that a man only wanted my body. On the contrary, he refrained from any kind of approach, which showed me only too clearly how serious he was about being good to me.
When my gaze wandered from the door to the closet, I first leaned forward to get rid of those uncomfortable high heels. I hated these things but had to wear them to the store. The shed probably really had a habit of tormenting you completely, from head to toe.
No!
I mentally admonished myself, shaking my head slightly. Now wasn't the time to think about all that shit. Reahlyn was right. At some point I just had to forget everything, if only for the time I was with him. I had to recharge my batteries, make decisions and push aside things that I couldn't change at the moment anyway.
I put the shoes next to the bed, then padded carefully to the closet and took a pair of gray jogging pants from him, which looked too big but all the more comfortable. I slipped on, then pulled off his sweater and cheap dress to grab another white t-shirt.
I sat cross-legged on the bed and stared impatiently at the door. Every second felt like an eternity and I nervously played with my fingers until finally the door opened and he was there again, looking at me proudly.
If he liked his sweater on me, how did a whole outfit have to look to him?
Embarrassed, I smiled at him and he closed the door behind him to then also get a pair of pajama pants from the closet. When he then took off his jeans, I suddenly felt an extreme tingling sensation in my stomach and stared at his dark boxer shorts like a madman until he cleared his throat and I looked up into his face, caught.