I sat on the couch with my tea in hand and kept glancing over at Samira, who was silently staring out into the rain. She looked so drained that I was sorry, but I couldn't help my feelings even though I was attracted to her. But it wasn't love.
The hours passed and I didn't really take part in life anymore for that time. I did hear the babies crying and everyone talking, but apart from that I just stared through the window at the rain, just like Samira, until it got darker and I decided to finally see Lou.
Without saying anything, I got up and walked across the living room, slamming the front door behind me. I felt the rain on my body and walked faster and faster down the cul-de-sac until, ignoring my surroundings, I arrived at the Wialtrama in the dark and then disappeared down the road into the forest.
I ran faster and faster and felt the anticipation of seeing them rush through my whole body. I sprinted madly through the trees and rain and a smile spread to my lips as her scent filled my nostrils and took over all of me.
Shortly before I could see the hut, I stopped dead in my tracks and something painfully closed my throat. Alec's smell was in the air and made me ache in the pit of my stomach.
Out of breath I walked slowly through the last few trees and then saw lights burning in the hut, but not only that, my heart broke into a thousand small pieces when I could see the two through the window.
He stood close to her, pulling off her top as he did so, and a painful stab pierced the wildly throbbing organ in my chest. I felt like I couldn't breathe, felt like I was dissolving, but I couldn't take my eyes off them until I watched painfully as they kissed and walked away from the living room.
I stand desperately like a statue for a while longer. Nothing in me still worked, I wasn't even sure if I would still exist. The pain alone reminded me that I was still here and that it was all the bitter reality.
The thought of him touching her skin, marking her, blew my mind and left only pure hatred in my heart. I turned my back on the hut and just walked further and further into the forest, further and further into the dark solitude.
I had wanted it that way. She should be happy with her soulmate and I with mine. So why didn't it just work then? Why did she still take everything in me? It hurt so bad I cursed love. I never wanted to feel her again and I was sure that I would never love anyone the way she did again .
I eventually got to the curb full of self-loathing and walked my usual route to the trailer just to lock myself inside and wallow in self-pity.
Why was I so stupid? So stupid!?
I yelled at myself, desperate, while being a wolf kept trying to force me to think about Samira, but my heart was stronger than my instinct and my heart only wanted to see one, only want to be close to one, but through my stupidity was now happy with someone else.
I sat on the floor and couldn't help but let the tears flow. They just flowed down my cheeks and I held my hands in front of my face, shaking, giving up inside, thinking I wouldn't be able to do this any longer. I wish I could have run away, far away and forever, but she would always be a part of me, even if I ran to the ends of the earth and a thousand years passed.
I regret everything. Regret being a wolf, regret listening to my instincts, regret meeting Samira and most of all, not listening to my heart just because of my mate's attraction, which was nothing compared to what Lou triggered in me.
But she was happy now and with what was destined for her. It wasn't my right to want to be tied to her any longer. I no longer had the right to claim them. I had no right to love her any longer.
Desperate in tears, I slid onto the trailer floor and stared up at the ceiling as the last warm tears slowly trickled down my skin, leaving nothing but excruciating pain and a feeling of loneliness that made me expect never to be happy again to be able to.
I woke slowly from my deep sleep and immediately felt Alec's arm around my waist, which was behind me and apparently still sound asleep. The storm had cleared but the sky still looked gray, which was perfectly fine. The sun didn't suit me anymore anyway.
Curiously, I looked at his arm, carefully stroked his black tattoos with my fingertips and thought about the last evening. He had no problem comforting me even though I was crying over another man. Instead of running off in anger or disappointment, he had lifted me onto my bed in his arms and laid protectively behind me while I fell asleep in tears in his safe embrace.
He was so understanding and kind, did he really deserve a broken girl like me? Certainly not. It certainly took him enough strength to be there for me at all, while I could offer him nothing but this empty shell that was all that was left of me.
"Are you awake?" I heard him whisper behind me and immediately I pulled my hand away from his arm and just nodded in a daze. He pulled me closer to his chest with his strong arm, buried his face in my hair and took a deep breath that sent tingling goosebumps down my arms.
"I always thought there couldn't be a sweeter smell than fresh rain, but your hair Lou," he breathed, and his grip on my waist tightened, so tight it almost hurt my tiny body and I did breath held tense for a moment.
I felt my cheeks flush and realized that I didn't really know the man lying behind me at all. I didn't know who he was. So loving and romantic at the same time, but then in some moments his body language became so demanding that my insides started to tremble.
Was that the connection? Did he have to pull himself together not to attack me? At least I knew about it, I couldn't give myself any answers to these questions.
I shyly rolled onto my back and looked over at him, whereupon he gave me a loving kiss on the cheek and then looked deep into my eyes. I could have lost myself in them again, but suddenly there was a knock on the front door.
"Are we locked?" I asked Alec, shocked, who just looked at me confused and shrugged. I got up and only then noticed that I was only wearing a bra. I quickly knelt down on the bed next to Alec and wanted to get up, but Ludwig had already opened the bedroom door and was standing in the doorway, eyes wide open.
My heart stopped and I stared at him in embarrassment.
"Excuse me!" he blurted out and turned around so quickly that his shoulder caught on the door frame and almost fell over, while I lost my balance in my excitement and nearly flew over Alec, but he got up lightning fast and grabbed me around the waist so that luckily I didn't fall face first to the ground, but sat with my legs apart on his lap and she stopped for a moment again. He looked all over my face, caressing my cheek until a smirk formed on his lips.
"The morning is off to a good start," he smiled and laughed so heartily that his whole upper body began to tremble. I got up cautiously and had to hold back my laughter. I wanted to check first if everything was ok with the angel. I grabbed the first piece of clothing I could get my hands on and put on the black top, then quickly walked down the hallway.
Ludwig was sitting on the couch, holding his shoulder and blushing at the sight of me.
"I really didn't want to... I had no idea," he stuttered, quickly avoiding my gaze.
"Maybe you should learn to open a door only after you've been given permission," I giggled and when he looked over at me again, the blonde had to laugh heartily at the situation too.
"Yes, I really should."
He stood up, grinning, walked towards me and glanced over my shoulder.
"Apparently you don't need me anymore," he explained and gave me a light hug. "But I'll still check on things from time to time."
"I hope so," I whispered, and a spontaneous idea crossed my mind.
"We can all go out to eat together, you, Isabell, me and Alec."
"That's a great idea."
He pulled away from me, pointed to the basket of buns and gave me a loving wink before disappearing back out the door, leaving me alone with Alec.
I stared out the window, lost in thought, not realizing Alec until I felt his breath on the back of my neck.
"You okay?" I heard his voice behind me and immediately he wrapped his strong arms around my body.
"Yes, everything is fine," I smiled to myself and put my hands on his.
At that moment, I truly believed that my life could be worth living again and the ghosts of my past would be gone. Chace was happy and I might be too. Maybe I should just surrender to fate and stop fighting for something that would never come back.