I wake up in my own bed alone and blink around in disorientated confusion. I fell asleep on the couch, yet I wake here in a bed that is obvious he has never ventured into. It’s completely unbelievable to me that he would take the time and care to put me in bed like this and I sit up to gather my wits and shake my brain awake.
It’s gotten to the stage with him that I never know which way is up. He’s a contradiction to himself in every way, the hints of decent that sometimes linger in him and sometimes peek through, and then he turns into a complete demon of epic proportions. I can’t read him or get my head around him.
Psycho to gentle lover in a heartbeat, but he’s still a bossy control freak with severe issues. Alexi is a mind fuck and I know I just made a huge mistake in letting him have the last ounces of me. Control is his thing, possession, and I just gave him the one part that he didn’t already own willingly.
I lost my hand; all my cards are now face up on the table and I left myself with no bargaining tools. I’m such an idiot. I don’t get what changed his mind on why sex is suddenly no longer off limits but I know him, he always has an angle and if he felt sex meant it helped him manipulate and control me then he would use it. Maybe he thinks I’ll fall for him, become more accommodating and obedient if he starts fucking me.
I have no intention of letting him get inside my head and unbeknown to him, sex does nothing for me emotionally, even if he is good at it.
I get up and head for the shower, dazed, messy and just fragile from last night. I need to get a grip and get some breathing space from him, he’s like an all-consuming black hole when he’s near me and I cannot see the stars beyond. He just draws me in and blanks everything else out in a bad way, I second guess myself and all my tricks and games fall hard on deaf ears. He’s immune to all of them, and last night only proved that it’s not an effect that works both ways.
He got exactly what he wanted from me and I put up no resistance at all. Pathetic Camilla, you’re losing your edge over a fucking man. What the hell is wrong with you?
I wander into the bar fresh and made up, in a tight black shift dress, heels and with sleek hair. I took a couple of hours to make myself ready to face the world and I feel better.
The bar is closed right now, but the staff are in cleaning up the remains of last night all around us. I can hear hoovers going on in the boudoirs from the cleaners and Alexi is sat at the far end of the bar with a plate of food as he reads papers. He looks crisp and ready to face his day in a fresh pale blue shirt over light trousers for once and I wonder if he even slept at all. It’s not even ten a.m. and he was downstairs long before me.
‘’Good morning.’’ I smile brightly; not willing to act like last night happened at all and I nod at the girl behind the bar to go rustle me up the same as he has. Food is something we actually do here although there isn’t much call for it when a party is in full swing and it’s usually more of a staff request than a customer. We have some capable cooks on our serving staff, and she scuttles off to the concealed kitchen within the bar's inner arch to make me grilled cheese and a side salad.
He picks up his coffee, eyes never leaving the paper he is holding up and just takes a long slow sip.
‘’Morning London. You’re down here early.’’ He glances at me, his eyes running up and down my outfit, and then goes back to what he’s doing. He’s acting exactly like normal Carrero and not like a guy who pounded me into his couch for an hour. It’s like it never happened at all and I hate the sense of disappointment it gives me.
Fucking amateur. I need to stop driving myself inside out and utterly insane over this indifferent arsehole and find myself a new focus and plaything. I need a defenceless victim to flex my seduction muscles on and get this out of my system. I need a challenge and some fun of my own where the mind game master is my crown and not his.
He screws with my whole calm and I hate not being the one who is being fawned over and adored effortlessly by sex starved men aiming to get another go between my legs. That’s all this is.
‘’I think I might head into the city and buy a new dress or two today, before we open later.’’ I wriggle in the awkward bar stool, trying to get comfy, but sitting on these hard surfaces reminds me that I am a little tender down there this morning. Being bruised from a premature entry leaves its mark and I bet the bastard would be satisfied to know he’s left me in discomfort.
‘’Good idea. Get out of here for a while, give me some space for some clients I have coming.’’ He is even-toned, normal Alexi and I just gawp at his profile. Hating how much it’s annoying me that he’s being so fucking ignorant. It was good sex, even with all that happened in between.