‘Cam, it’s not what you think. I swear.’ He looks ashen, I’m not sure how to read his body language, but he seems to be unsure as to what to do, and I stand like a panicked animal held in a trap. Looking for a way out and itching to turn and take off as fast as I can. My body seems frozen in fear as that predator moves in on me and my heart is almost crashing out of my ribs in response.
‘Just let me go … take your club, your money, your apartment. Rip up the contracts. I don’t want them. I don’t want anything from you.’ I’m sobbing as I try to back out, but the door has swung behind me a little and I have to turn to pull it open, frantically struggling with its heavy weight and grasping manically for the handle. I can feel him getting closer as he moves in on me and it spurs my fight or flight instinct. Finding the strength to give it a mighty yank open and hightail it into the hall away from him.
‘Cam. They don’t matter to me. They never did, it wasn’t about the club. Don’t leave me like this, you need to know…….’ Alexi calls after me, coming at speed, and I close my eyes tight as I hit the lift button and beg for it to come fast; Feet unable to stay still on the carpeted floor and almost dancing in terror as I urge it to hurry.
‘I have to go.’ It’s a broken, tiny whimpering voice, and yet he hears me. I can’t look back at him but I can feel his heat close to me as he comes towards me.
‘Listen to me … please.’ Alexi is right behind me and I freeze when he closes in against my body and back, hands on my shoulders to get a hold of me. My whole body moves to high alert, jumping in sheer terror as both memory of my past, and memory of things he did to me, shock me like a high electric volt, and he lets me go instantly.
‘I’m sorry … shit … I didn’t mean to come at you from behind. I didn’t mean that. Cam, I’m sorry, honestly. I don’t want to scare you.’ He sounds weird, tripping over his own words as I recoil away like a scared rabbit and wrap myself up in my own embrace, still clinging to my things desperately like some sort of lifeline for getting away. I stare at him warily as he backs off, his hands up in a defensive truce gesturing he isn’t coming at me. I shoot forward fast, hit the button again and stop at the weird look on his face that makes me pause.
He looks as distraught as I feel. Brows furrowed over sad eyes that seem to have lost all hints of colour. That jaw tense and something in his expression that tells me he’s close to emotional.
‘Please … don’t. Cam … baby … please. I just need you to let me talk, for you to listen. I need to explain.’ His eyes mist over too and his skin pales, he’s looking at me so pleadingly it strikes a pain in my heart, but I just shake my head, lip trembling with the force of my own fear and heartbreak. I know it’s all games and manipulation to mess me up, confuse me and make it impossible to think straight.
He’s a sadist who gets off on crushing girls like me to death and I mean nothing to him—I never did. He told me that often enough and I would be a fool to ever believe someone like him could ever love or care about some white trash nobody like me. I know what I am … I have always been worthless to everyone.
As the door opens, he catches me by the wrist firmly so I can’t dash in, holding me tight, and I turn on him, eyes wide as I choke back on desperate cries; unable to formulate a sentence through garbled words and sniffs of panic.
‘Cam … I swear … it’s not the same … I’m not the same … don’t leave me, I’m begging you. I don’t want to go through that again, please.’ It’s such a desperate plea that unlocks my throat and I find my courage to face my abuser.
‘Go through what? Losing your toy? ’ I cry at him, knowing I should close my eyes and ears and block him out. He’s the devil incarnate, and he will fuck my mind up if I let him. I was the one who went through hell, not him. He’s trying to turn it on me.
‘Losing you again. Months of agony in trying to find you, not knowing where you were or if you were okay. Ripping myself apart with regret and desperate to see you. I can’t let you leave me. I need you here.’ His voice breaks and I gawk at him, heart ripping in two because I am so confused and so scared and broken with the reality that I am about to lose everything again—All because I was too stupid to not fall in love with him all over again.
Part of me is weakening to his words, and that fragile piece of me that longs for them to be true is aching for someone in the world to just want me. While the other part, the one he burned and broke, she’s running for the hills and freaking out in case he tries to weave a spell over her once again.
‘Why should I listen to anything you say?’ I cry at him as I yank my wrist free from his hold, finding inner strength and resolve to keep going and hurl myself inside the open lift in front of me. Alexi moves fast too, grabbing the two doors so they won’t start to close, and looks me right in the eye. Those haunting grey eyes so devoid of colour or warmth as they penetrate me with complete intensity and hold me rooted to the spot. His face consumed with the pain I am feeling all over, mirroring my agony.
‘Because I’m in love with you … and I will do anything to keep you.’
End of Book Two – Book Three follows on.