I don't know how it feels to have a family who loved you dearly, cared for you, and supported you through your hard times. I don't know how it felt to lose one's parents in the blink of an eye and be orphaned for the rest of their life. Liza did.
It is strange how you come to understand the value of things only when it is snatched away from you. It is cruel, but maybe it was always the same. I admire Liza and how strong she is, but sometimes her strength falters, and she crumbles down. Maybe she is not strong but insecure to let her true feelings out. She has her fears and to cover them up she puts on the mask of strength. I think this is a defensive mechanism, one that I have mastered in the long term of events. Instead of strength, I chose isolation.
Isolation from everyone except Liza.
The fumes of heat rose from the coffee mug in my hands. I looked up at Liza as she finished reading the letter she received from her grandfather. Well, it was not actually sent by her grandfather, but rather his lawyer.
Her grandpa died before she was born.
The everlasting frown on her forehead tried to comprehend the letter as she looked at it for more details. I took one of her hands in mine, diverting her attention towards me.
"Lizzie, I think it will be better if you do what you want to do. I am ready to go with you if you want me to. I just can't let you go alone, and I know you won't be fine by yourself." Liza left the letter and took hold of both my hands as she tried very hard not to break down again.
"Rosie, trust me I want you to come with me, but the thing is I can't be selfish, not when your competition is just around the corner. You have worked so hard for this competition and I won't let you miss this chance. As far as this letter is concerned, I think I need to go and check what all this is about. I mean, I didn't even know that my grandfather has written a will on my name...plus the family fortune which is still unclaimed... I don't even know what to think." A hopeless sigh escaped her lips and fogged the cold air.
It is always difficult to understand what others feel, and we won't ever understand what touches them or what hurts them. All we can do is support because we are the only people who can make them understand that they are not alone. That there is someone who will always stand by them. Sometimes support is all that they want from us.
I left the heated cup from my cold hands and walked over to give her a hug. She wrapped her hands around me and buried her face into the muffler wound around my neck. I closed my eyes and squeezed her in my arms. The closed glass windows shuddered a little as the cold wind blew outside in the moonless night. The crackling fire in the fireplace in our living room was the only source of heat, yet nothing felt warmer than the smile on Liza's face.
*****
"Okay, so green or green?" Liza plopped down on the bed as she showed me two bottles of nail polish.
"I think I will go with that green, although that green is also good since green is my favourite colour I will go with green." Liza burst out into a loud laugh and started rolling on the bed. Without wasting a single moment, I started tickling her, which made her roll off the bed and fall on the floor with a loud slam.
I crawled my way towards the edge of the bed to check on Liza but as soon as I did she threw a pillow on my face and screamed.
"Pillow fight!"
I know it sounds very cliché for two girls having hot chocolate on a Sunday night with the sky showering snow all over the town, but maybe that's how we wanted it. Liza thought that it was only fair if we spent the last night together before she goes off to her home town in Dublin, and I obviously wanted the same.
"Remember that time when you coughed in front of the class?" She smiled at the distant memory. We had our feet lifted on the wall as we stared at the twinkling fairy lights in my room. The wall was adorned with all our moments of togetherness captured into small sheets of paper.
"Yeah, I don't think I will be able to forget it any time soon. You literally shouted BLESS YOU in front of the whole classroom. Ugh! It was so embarrassing! The whole class laughed at us." I buried my heated face into the pillow as I remembered the funny memory. A soft, baby giggle erupted from Liza as she cuddled me.
"Aww! Rosie! You blush so much! I can't even imagine what would happen if your boyfriend kisses you in front of the whole world!" A naughty giggle passed through her lips as she wiggled her eyebrows at me.
"Hey! You know that won't happen to me because I won't ever let that happen." I playfully punched on her arm as she started making kissing noises from her mouth.
*****
My eyes woke up when I heard shuffling noises downstairs. It was quite odd because I could hear Liza's soft snores coming from beside me. The shuffling continued, and suddenly all of it stopped. Sleep went out of the window as I thought about what could possibly be down there.
Squirrel?
Cat?
Human?
I quietly got off the bed and made my way towards the door. The noises stopped, and it almost made me think that I just had a dream, but I could not ignore the nagging feeling in my stomach that said something was wrong.
The doorknob turned quietly in my hand, but as soon as I pulled it open, it made a loud screeching noise. The thick fog of blindness surrounded the whole hallway as my hand scrambled to find the light switches. Unfortunately, the lights were not working; a strong bunch of suspicion settled in my stomach.
With all the lights out and a very dark staircase ahead, it all felt like a scene from a horror movie. All those times when the protagonist of a movie went into a haunted place to explore, I would shout at the TV so that they would turn around and run out of that place. Now I understood how it must have felt as the curiosity strangles your mind and forces you to do something you should not.
The stairs creaked painfully as I made my way down them. With my clumsy legs, I was sure I would fall down, but as I landed on the last step, it all felt a little surreal to me. Somehow I made my way towards the drawer in the corner and hoped to find a torch, but all that I found were some old matches.
"Please, please work."
The first scratch of flame ignited a spark of hope that, whatever is out there in the dark, won't be able to pounce on me. Strong and harsh gusts of wind blew outside, rattling the windows now and then. I was scared, but somehow I was calm too.
I decided that grabbing a weapon for my safety wasn't such a bad idea, so I tiptoed my way towards the kitchen.
The matchstick was almost at its edge of extinguish when I spotted something on the kitchen counter.
I stood there like a frozen mountain until the matchstick burned my finger and dropped to the floor.
The envelope I saw, still visible in front of my eyes.