"What else does she say?" Zed pressed on when I went silent.
I just couldn't believe we finally did it. He was inside me, and I felt my slit stretched out badly to accommodate his fullness.
"She said we should open our minds to it and learn more."
"Including this." I got up and reached for my phone.
Flipping directly to Ara's messages, I opened the links she sent me. I showed it to Zed and his eyes narrowed instantly as his eyes landed on the couple in the video on a heated sexual activity. He did not speak for a while as he watched the man licking on a woman's cunt. The next moment, the scene changed, and the woman crawled on fours, and the man was behind her, banging his rod onto hers, his hands holding her bottom.
"Do you like to watch this?" Zed asked, and I noticed that his eyes turned dark with desire.
I did not answer because it still felt awkward to watch videos such as that. We were not comfortable yet in talking about sex and how we both wanted it.
Still naked from our first round of lovemaking, his hand groped for my breasts again. One of the assets I have is my full and firm breasts. He began kneading them as he climbed on top of me, rousing up another wave of pleasure. Claiming my lips in a probing kiss, I felt his stiff shaft aiming at my entrance again. Still feeling hesitant to enter, I reached out for the head of his dick under my thighs and plunged it into my slit.
With one hard push, I screamed in pain again as my insides choked at his fullness. He stopped for a second but did not pull it out. Once I relaxed, he pushed slowly until he moved in and out of me.
I started to feel the nerve-clamoring sensation that I wanted him to do it harder and faster, but before I reached the peak of my orgasm, he suddenly convulsed and stopped, his eyes rolling out as I felt a hot fluid squirting against my walls. To my horror, he hugged me tightly for a long while before he stood up again to clean me up.
I turned to my side afterward and closed my eyes, pretending I was tired. Yet, deep inside, I was seething in disappointment. How could he be so fast in coming out? The couple in the video had not even stopped yet, and their moans and groans annoyed me. He should have asked if I was done, but he did not. I didn't have the heart to complain, either.
I woke up in the morning, still feeling unfulfilled. At least I knew I was not frigid. I tried to justify it in my mind that it was still our first, and therefore, we couldn't be perfect. There were still so many things to learn together. And maybe, we could talk about it later when we become comfortable in doing that.
Zed was no longer by my side, and I felt embarrassed again. I would have wanted to wake up and see his face first thing in the morning. And since I could no longer do something about it, I went down to the kitchen. To my surprise, the food was already on the table while Zed was pouring brewed coffee on our cups. The tempting aroma wafted through my nostrils, and I felt hungry.
"Good morning, love," Zed beamed with a wide grin as he watched me sitting down on a chair, covering my mouth to conceal a yawn.
"Do you have an appointment?" he asked, but his attention was still on putting sugar and cream to the cups of coffee.
I gaped at what he said. We were couples now, so we should already be informing each other ahead of our activities. How could I accept an appointment without informing him ahead? I was already guilty of going to the doctor behind his back.
"I should have told you ahead if I have," I murmured. I would never allow him to do anything without telling me ahead.
"Love, I'm not the selfish type of a person. I trust you so much that I won't take your full freedom away. You may go wherever you want and do whatever pleases you as long as you will let me know. We should not be so bookish and theoretical. It takes the joy away."
I hung my mouth open as I listened to him. He was one in a million to say that, and I should celebrate. Tim was never like him—he even estimated the time Ara would reach home from work. And if he thought she took too long, it would already be big trouble. Ara was never free; all of her activities should be reported, or else, a heated argument would follow.
"Thank you," I said as Zed sat down next to me. At that moment, I admired him more. He was not the possessive, suffocating type. He was already like that before, but I did not expect him to remain that way, now, that we are already within the bond of marriage.
He smiled wickedly at me as his hand crawled between my inner thighs, slipping underneath my crotch. He ran his fingers along my slit and pinched my clit. I held my breath, unprepared for this naughtiness.
"Does it still hurt?"
I pulled a sigh and shook my head.
He chuckled and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "Don't worry. I would no longer touch you until it heals."
"He's impossible," I muttered to myself. How much self-temperance could he hold against it? But then again, I consoled myself, thinking how blessed I was to have a man such as him who was not always burning with lust. I took it as his token of love and respect for me, another reason for me to admire him more.
"Yen, can you just delete all those links Ara had sent you?"
I raised my brow, wanting an explanation. It seemed weird for a man not to like the idea of watching sex videos.
"We don't need the videos. We have to explore by ourselves."
My eyes lit up with inexplicable joy, but I looked away. I was already ashamed of myself for initiating our sex last night. And I still had to muster the courage that as a couple, we have to be open to each other about it.