Mom is lying on her bed. Her eyes are swollen and red. I could see her but she can’t see me.
Why I Am still stuck here? I should be at god’s gate as they told me when I was alive.
She is still crying. It’s been a week and she is still crying. I can’t see her like this. But she deserves this; she didn’t know that I cried like this every night in my bed, trying to forget everything. She never asked me how my day was. She always bragged about how miserable her life is in Deorgon.
I am not thirsty, I am not hungry and I don’t sweat.
When I first saw myself. I didn’t cry because it was what I wanted. To die. But I never knew that I would be stuck here seeing this people suffer for me.
I want to leave the house but I fly back like a bird. It’s like someone is pulling me inside.
I go to my room. It is still messy. But the poison bottle is gone.
That day when I died, the house was filled with people. For a second, I forgot I was dead.
It was surreal for me.
But everyone deserved it.
I get down and open my front door. Maybe this time I can leave my home. I step out and walk slowly. Taking each step with caution. While I get to the drive, I get some hope.
Maybe I can go now. I can go to heaven. I am free now.
Before I can take another step, a force pushes me back to my house. I am back at the front door.
I can’t believe this. Why can’t I leave this world?
I want to cry. I want to cry so bad. But I can’t. I can’t cry. I try but I can’t.
Maybe I am stuck like this forever. Watching this people suffer for me.
I go to my mom’s room. She is still sleeping.
I lie on the couch and a picture of him catches me off guard.
I didn’t think about him for a week now.
I forgot him. I totally forgot him.
What is he doing now?
Tears make their way to my hair. I know it. But I can’t feel it.
What is Charlie doing now?