Kezya is dead. Why did she do that? She could have told me. Told me what she was going through.
I failed. I failed as a boyfriend. I should have been there for her.
My chemistry class gets over and I take my bag without making eye contact with anyone.
I am in hallway when Jack bumps into me.
“Dude, your eyes, they look scary. I think you need some sleep”
I didn’t sleep since I got the news. How can I sleep when she is dead?
“Ok”
I don’t want to talk to anyone. I want to be alone for the rest of my life. I need Kez. I need her to comfort me, But I know she won’t be there smiling for me outside the school, waiting for me or to comfort me when I get sick or lose a game. She won’t be for me when I need her to get my homework done. She won’t be there to tell ‘stop’ when I get to the third bottle of beer. She was there for me. Always. Even her ‘live your happy’ lectures are what all I need now. I miss her.
Why I am even thinking this, when I wasn’t there for her.
“You fine dude?” Jack asks me noticing that I am lost in my thoughts.
I nod my head.
I am not ok. No I am not. Not with Kez being dead.
“I know it is hard. I miss Kez too”
---------------------
Why would she kill herself? Why? I was here the whole time. The whole fucking time and how did I miss a sign?
Yes, we had fights but we always made up for each other. We loved each other and that is the truth. They might have not known who Kez was but I knew her.
The first time we met was high school freshmen year. She was the new girl but she had a lot of friends here in Deorgon.
She had black shiny hair, Blue eyes and brown freckles on the bridge of her nose and all the way to the cheeks.
The first thing I noticed about her was her smile. She had beautiful smile. A smile that would light up the whole town. She had a positive vibe around her and she always lights up the room she was in. I noticed her well enough.
That day Kendal got ragged by the boys in our school, Kez was the one to stand up to them and get the boys a proper action to what they have done to Kendal.
She was not just beautiful outside. She was beautiful inside out.
Sophomore year, there was a party. The moment I got to the party, I searched for her and I needed her to know that I had feelings for her. I finally found her and we bonded quickly and little did I know that a month later Kezya Black would be my girlfriend.
I miss her, I miss her so much. I would do anything to bring her back. I just want her. A life without her would be a nightmare.