“Charlie?”
I turn and see Kendal shaking; her red hair is unkempt and are eyes are red-rimmed. She looks just like I saw her few weeks ago at the party.
“What happened, Ken?”
She comes closer and hands me an envelope, ‘Charlie’ written on it. I know this handwriting very well. “Where did you find this?”
“It was in her journal”
I settle down on the couch. “I will give you some time” she says and I nod.
I open it.
Dear Charlie,
I know. By the time you read this I would be dead. Dead, that sounds I don’t know….depressing right? Anyways, I want to make things straight, so you don’t get anything wrong. You’re amazing, C. I loved you and still and always will. I hope you did too. I never thought I would take this decision but I did and you will never get to know if I regret it or not. I wanted happiness and I got it. I always loved being around people but at one point I got tired. Yes, tired. I was tired of everything. Everything. Tired of getting hurt, tired of being let down, tired of all the lies, I am tired of my flaws and insecurities. I was not able to think for most of the times. I felt like I was paralyzed. I wanted to stop, I wanted everything to stop. I was hideous. I was supposed to be this perfect girl and I just have to smile and pretend I was normal but I was not, I was clinging onto the strings. And I realized that the strings were you Charlie. I didn’t know I was a burden to everyone. My mom, my friends and you, I felt like the whole world hated me. I got emotional when I cared and insecure because I was afraid I will lose you. And at the end, I did lose you. I loved you so much and I was so close to you and never wanted to leave you, I let you so close to me when I thought I would never give that much space to anyone in my life. But that was the best part in my life, being with you. You were the best decision I made in my life.
I was struggling with everything. I was not able to keep everything together. All they saw was the perfect girl they wanted to see but I was not the perfect girl. I always cried myself to sleep. People hurt me Charlie. I cried and cried and at some point I realized that these people aren’t worth my tears. And I also realized everybody hated me and I thought even you hated me at some point. We fought and I know we did always make up for each other but I know I hurt you badly. You were a good hider C. At that moment I realized I wanted to die and it became the truth. The ugly truth. They always said ‘choose the ugly truth over pretty lie’ but the pretty lies always won for me and at the end I got tired and chose the ugly truth.
Every day it got worse for me. Worse and worse and worse. It took me just 5 seconds to make the ‘best day ever’ feeling to ‘worst day ever’.
And then, I realized I needed an escape for real. I needed it. But I had no reason to kill myself. I had the perfect life like everyone thought. The perfect boyfriend, the perfect friend, the perfect everything. I needed a reason to kill myself. So, my things went missing like my journals and the thing that I really love and that one time the earring you gave went missing too and I had nothing and the last thing left was you, I didn’t want to hurt you, I knew something would happen to you if I was around, I didn’t want you to torture more with this thing. So, I ended up killing myself.
I was dying slowly and I knew that but there is always times when people take their own decisions. And I made my decision.
Thank you Charlie, for making my life worth living for a while and thank you for everything.
Hope you won’t forget me and the times we lived together. Don’t forget. And I am sorry for making this decision but it was time.
Everything was breaking down for me but you were there to fix them back but, they kept breaking and I was running out of time.
You and Kendal were the best thing that happened to me in Deorgon and I hope you know Kendal’s madly in love with you. I was never truly yours. Kendal was and I am not saying this out of spite, I truly want you guys be together. I am not going to hate you for it.
I hope everything goes back to normal and I wish you the best Charlie.
Don’t forget I love you.
Your dead girlfriend,
Kezya.
This is it. This how she tells me that she won’t be around anymore. Typical Kezya.
People hurt me Charlie, if she told me that, she would have been alive. But she’s not here.
I bury my head into my hands. I can feel Ken come and sit next to me.
She places her face onto my shoulder, “I got one too”
I look up, “You did?”
She nods, her eyes are glistening.
“Can you believe she wants us to be together even though she isn’t here?” she asks.
I smile, “Typical Kezya”
“I miss her” she says, “I wish she was here”
“I wish that too”