“Ar…are….Are you serious right now, Oceana, you’ve….you’ve gone baffling, I can….can see…see that…that… you are going insane.” She attempted to go when I gripped her gown even more and pleaded with her with my eyes. “Don’t go, please,” I begged. “Please, just listen to me,’ hot tears streamed down my face. My makeup was ruined.
I guess I looked like a mess right now. “I don’t want to ruin his wedding, Jessie. Please don’t tell anyone. He will be mad.”
“Mad? Your life and his…his…wedding….wedding…which is much…much more important,’ she panicked. “Are you telling me to just stay and watch you, just because you don’t want to hurt your brothers?”
“YES,’ I reacted aggressively. “I want you to just stay and watch me.”
“Your brothers will kill me if anything happens to you.” She shouted.
“They’ve already killed me and they keep blaming it for some sort of protection. They care about nothing but themselves.” I cried out. “They are thinking of their lives right now, abandoning me and putting it on some damn protection that I don’t know about, they don’t care about me anymore, or else, they wouldn’t do what they are doing if they cared about me.”
“What are you talking about? Did you guys fight?”
I shook my head. “It’s…it’s nothing.”
“Don’t tell me it’s nothing, Oceana. I am sick of hearing those words from you,’ she yelled.
I knew she would be mad. She is the patient type, but when you push her to the extreme, it’s over.
“Look at me. Tell me exactly what’s happening to you. Tell me the reason you are saying, “I shouldn’t call anyone”. Are you nuts, you might be poisoned."
Gérard’s Pov.
I knew it was about to go down, so I pretended to kiss Emily, intending to ignore father and his interrogations, but withdrew from the kiss when suddenly, I felt something hot.
They set ablaze inside my chest. I groaned painfully, and I felt like my organs were being torn apart within me.
“Gérard.” Emily panicked. I held her hand and growled. My face was so hot. “Get me a tissue.”
Emily stood up to grab a tissue from nearby and handed it over to me. I coughed in it and spat out blood.
I felt quite dizzy. My head was turning upside down, and almost fell down my chair.
“Hey, Gerard, what’s the matter?’ Emily was panicking. It crammed her tone with worry. She got up and intended to go for help when I shook my head.
‘Say nothing. This is our wedding. Don’t ruin it with your emotions.’ I silently warned.
I learned what was going on with me; I knew what the problem was but I couldn’t tell Emily, because I am such a coward, a bad Alpha, nothing but a hypocrite who keeps lying to himself that he is not and acts so cool and perfect in front of others.
There is a reason I am not the heir of the realms, there is a reason Oceana is the heir instead of me.
There is a reason I got married, and that is part of putting an innocent Emily in my entanglement relationship with my family.
Why was I putting an innocent lady through all this? I should have ended it, and why was I feeling guilty as fuck? Wasn’t I the one who made this decision in the first place?
Why am I regretting my actions?
Damn, I shouldn’t be feeling this right. I have regrets and wished I had gotten married to someone else, not someone who loves me and adores me.
I am Emily’s first love. I shouldn’t be getting her involved in my mess. I should have chosen someone else for this role. I guess I’m going to end up causing her so much pain.
Oceana is furious. I can sense it and what occurred here will spread like wildfire across the realms in a couple of minutes and it will cause an issue.
This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have come home. I shouldn’t have come to the realm, I should have stayed away until Oceana got married and had children.
Maybe, I still stayed where I was and made her forget about me for the rest of her life and never knew I was once her mate.
That way, she could have lived a happier life and never heard a name called “Gerard”
I should have disappeared. This distress, this emotion, is tearing deep inside me, tearing me apart. I could feel the coldness and the anger making my heart ache.
The rest of the wedding was torture. Seeing her expression was making my spine chill, and Kai, sitting beside her, was pissing me off, trying to talk to her and get her attention.
I’ve heard of his disgusting character lately and I needed to either talk to my mother about it or go to him instead.
I don’t want Oceana to be with a loose Alpha, an Alpha who will make her cry. I want an Alpha who will make her happy for the rest of her life, not make her cry and cause grief.
She’s my only love…
*You are the only one that can make her happy, you know that, and stop being in denial* My wolf said from within.
I ignored him.
He was right, but I’m not the only good alpha in the world. There are good ones as well and I have to believe and accept it. Why am I so fucking sad? Why am I so fucking furious at everything? Why am I angry about this wedding going on, when I was the one who arranged it? Who planned everything, why, just why is this happening to me?
I should have stayed back in England, but now, it will be difficult to resist her, because I came to a dangerous zone. Instead of staying off it, I still arrived and caused her pain. Why is this so confusing? I promised myself to not let my heart waver, that I was doing the right thing, protecting her life.
Everyone will begin gossiping soon about this incident once this wedding is done.
Why is my head hurting so badly? What is my fucking problem?
I think it’s high time. I man up and be an Alpha, be who I fucking am, and don’t worry about such petty stuff. I’m better than this, right?
“Gerard…”
I harshly cut her off. “Will you be quiet?” I was dead serious about this.
She doesn't know about what is going on. I wanted her to stop talking and allow me to concentrate and prevent my father from knowing what was going on with me.