I will go home soon. What will I say to her once I set my eyes on her?
What the fuck should I say? What should I say to her about what occurred eight years ago?
How should I speak? Fuck, I craved for her to be in my arms? If only she was the one in bed with me. How lovely that kind of feeling could be?
I met Emily in America after I left the clan in California.
We both flowed so well and then we began dating afterwards.
We call and contact each other all the time. She made my life filled with blissful moments, but I wasn’t in love with her.
There were times I deceived myself and forced myself to fall in love with her, yet I still can’t see why I couldn’t fall in love with her. I don’t know what was going on, but it wasn’t working.
Someone once told me I can’t tell my heart who to fall in love with. The heart wants what it wants and I can’t control it.
This is the damn truth.
Whatever woman I slept with to forget about Oceana, it wasn’t helping.
I don’t know why, but it wasn’t working out for me.
All I can see on their faces is Oceana.
Fuck, our father, the Alpha, will kill me if I ever get close to Oceana, and will not take it likely once he finds out my secret.
Emily keeps me sane. I know it feels like I’m using her, but I’m not, or rather, that’s what I always tell myself.
Not to use her, but to learn to fall in love with her, because Emily is in love with me.
If I am not careful, I might end up breaking up with her because she deserves someone better than me, someone who will love her unconditionally and treat her with the respect she deserves, not someone like me.
And I might also end up destroying her and breaking her heart.
We will both hurt each other, and I don’t want that for someone innocent like her.
It will be disastrous for us if we get into that sort of thing.
Should I cut things off or give it some time so I can fall in love with her or get married to her? Probably the love will grow in me once she gives birth to my child, right?
What the hell am I thinking? Why will I want a child from Emily? I have always yearned to have a child from Oceana.
She was the woman I wanted. The Luna I wanted. To be the mother of my children and the rightful owner of my heart. I don’t want anyone else but Oceana Daciana. The woman who makes me lose control over myself.
No one can ever satisfy me. No matter how many women I sleep with, no one has taken her off my head.
Not even Emily. Yet, what am I still doing with her?
“Hey,’ she waved her hands at me.
I blinked my eyes to see her properly. “Are you listening to me? You seem out of this world.”
“Oh, continue with what you were saying. I’m listening to you.” I smiled.
“No, you are not listening to me.” She shook her head.
I persisted. “I am listening to you.” I laughed.
“Ok, what was the last thing I said?” She stared at me closely.
Oops! I was screwed.
“Umm…the lecturer, you said…umm…” I stuttered, feeling so stupid of myself.
“I said your father called me and asked when we were getting married.” She stated.
“Wait…what!’ I jolted up.
“See,’ she shrugged. “You were not paying attention to me.’ She got out of bed, throwing away the blanket.
“Emily, wait, where are you going?" I also attempted to get up from the bed.
“Outside.” She replied in an annoying tone.
“Wait up, you don’t have to be so angry. Calm down.”
“Don’t talk to me. Let me go.” She darkly uttered.
I quickly took off a robe from the wardrobe and put it on before she would be done with putting on her clothes and sauntering out of the room.
“Emily, wait.” I held her arm, sighing for a second. “Can you sit down and let’s talk?’’
“There is nothing to talk about.” She whispered, then flared up at me. “You are always like this, most of the fucking time. You are always like this, you don’t pay interest whenever I talk. You always seem out of yourself. Do you even love me? We haven’t seen each other for six months and the first thing you did was to have sex with me. I thought for a second that you are a man, an Alpha, so of course, I will meet your needs first and I did as you asked. Whenever I talk and want your attention, you always dodge me, but when you want mine, I give it to you without hesitation. Why do I always have to beg you before I get what I want? What is it about me that bores you so much? I would like to know. Am I so unattractive to you? I don’t understand. Is there someone else you are in love with? You don’t have that passion in your eyes when you are with me. It's like you are tired of me.’
“Emily.’
“Don’t you dare come close to me,’ she cries out sorrowfully. “I don’t want to hear anything from you. You act like getting married to me is the worst day of your life. We’ve been dating for years and never once have you ever proposed to me. You make me feel like I’m not someone important to you. You act like the world doesn’t involve me around you.”
“Emily, it is not what you think. I’m stressed and…wait, I’m really sorry…”
“Go to hell with your sorry-ass apology. I don’t need it. You are always making excuses and it makes me sick.” She walked out of the room and slammed the door shut behind her.
I sighed and heard a buzz from my phone.
I walked towards it and saw a text message from Carmine.
*Done with sex? Come out now, we are going home. Don’t keep me waiting.
Fuck!
I dropped the phone on the bed and felt a little nervous.
I can’t believe I’m going home after all these years.
What would Oceana think of me when she sees me?
How are the both of us going to react to each other?
I haven’t seen her for decades. Is this really a good idea going back to the clan?
To be honest, I don’t want to see her again. What if I can’t control myself when I set my eyes upon her again?
What if I go out of control and claim her on the spot?