Note: Chapter 47 contains Biblical reference.
~~~
"Angela," Gideon called.
Jewel could feel her cheeks burned hot in embarrassment. Although she really wanted to confront her husband, but not in front of other people specially Angela.
She swallowed the lump in her throat and folded her arms. She now lost her appetite. All she wanted to do now was to get out of the house. Jewel could not afford to eat with the woman in front of her.
So she cleared her throat. "I'm going out. I'm not hungry anymore." Then she turned around, heading for the main door.
Jewel quietly went out the door and walked to the garden she had noticed earlier. The wind blew again and she let the strands of her hair to play freely in the air. The breeze was fresh, much to her liking. So unlike in the city which was sultry and dusty.
Sitting in the shade of a tree in the middle of the garden, she sighed while remembering what Gideon had done and what she had said earlier. The truth of the matter was that Tang never said that Gideon's first love was Angela. All the steward said was that Gideon liked Angela back then. But her imagination was so naughty that she believed Gideon's first love was the woman she met earlier.
And by the look on Gideon's face earlier, she knew that she hit a spot. Her assumption might be true. Gideon would not have been so surprised if what she assumed was not true.
Her back leaned on the tree and she roamed her eyes around. The place was a typical province. There were many trees and the greenery were everywhere. Her favorite was the coconut trees at the distant swaying gently in the breeze.
Jewel sighed. She no longer care if the white dress she was wearing will get dirty. Her heart was so heavy that she just wanted to cry. But there's no tears in her eyes. She was tired of crying.
She took another deep breath and closed her eyes and didn't realize that she had fallen asleep.
Jewel woke up when she felt a gaze on her face. Someone was staring at her. When she opened her eyes, she first saw Gideon's face. Jewel frowned. "You're staring to much."
He didn't refute her but just lifted a bag of fruit. "Eat first. Tomorrow, we'll go to the public audi."
Jewel looked at the fruit then cast a glance at him before taking it from his hand. "What are we gonna do there?"
Gideon sat beside her and smiled. "To listen."
"Of what?" she asked and averted her gaze.
This was the problem with Gideon. After their argument, he would smile like nothing happened between them. The only time her husband lost his cool was when they argued about the box of erotica hidden under her bed.
"Gospel."
"Gospel?" She raised a brow as she bit the apple.
Gideon nodded. "You still believe in God, Jewel?"
She chuckled and averted her eyes. Jewel did not answer. The truth was, she's not religious. But she knew that God existed, yet she did not pray nor read what people called the Bible.
Moreover, she did not want to hear anything about God. She didn't know why, but there's something in her that avoided things that have to do with God. Jewel's been avoiding God since she started reading erotica.
"Jewel," Gideon called her when he noticed that her attention was not in him.
She bit the apple again. "What?"
"I haven't seen you praying. Do you believe in God?"
"I know that there is One out there," she said indifferently.
Gideon sighed. "You know that there is God. But do you believe in Him?"
She looked at Gideon and squinted her eyes. "I know that there is God, so basically, I believe in Him. Are you happy now?"
"Knowing there is God is different from believing in Him. If you believe in God, then why do you keep on sinning against Him? If you believe in God, you shouldn't go around placing yourself in front of temptation that will lead you to sin."
Jewel's face became serious. "What's with that tone, Gideon?"
Gideon sighed. "When I married you, I thought you're a believer. Only now I realize that you are not, Jewel."
"So you regret it now?" she asked in a whisper.
The wind blew past them and strands of her hair flew in the air. She casted her gaze down and sighed. "What's the gospel?" she asked.
Gideon looked beyond the forest. “The gospel is the burial, death and resurrection of Christ." He sat straight and looked up at the blue sky. There weren't too many clouds. Only one that was slowly moving in one direction.
Jewel looked up as well. The sun's rays did not hit her eyes directly because of the huge branches that were full of thick leaves.
Gideon sighed. "People know that there is God, but most are godless."
She glanced at him. "What do you mean by that?"
"We know that there is God, but we don't recognize Him. If the definition of believe is to know that there is God then people aren't truly save because believing is not only knowing God, but following Him."
"Following?" A smile tugged the corner of her lips. She smirked. Her interest was aroused by what Gideon said. "Well, how could people follow God if He is unseen? Like, how can you follow Him if you can't see Him? What you've said is impossible."
"That's why God, in His eternal presence, came down from heaven to experience the life of a human being."
"Hmm ... You're saying Jesus?" she asked and Gideon nodded. Jewel thought for a second, then smiled. "I heard about Him."
"I'm glad to know that," Gideon said and smiled back. "Jesus was here to demonstrate the love of God, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. All His doings were recorded in the Bible and we should follow His example to live righteously."
"But... isn't it a bit sad? You are obliged to follow rules in order to enter heaven," she said.
The smile on Gideon's lips remained. "When you love what you do, you'll never feel it's an obligation but fulfillment and joy."
"Love?" Jewel glanced at him again. "Do you love being restrained by rules?"
Gideon raised his hand and patted her head. "When you accept Jesus, you'll love Him more than yourself. You'll feel joy and fulfillment that exceeds our understanding. Jewel, you can't put into words the joy you'll feel when you are in His presence. That's why following His example... loving God with all our heart, mind, and soul.. and loving our neighbor as ourself, is not an obligation but a way to express our gratitude towards Him who saved us. It will never be burden because the willingness to follow those commandments comes from within... it comes from the heart."
Jewel frowned at what Gideon said. "It's hard to believe someone whom you haven't seen yet. So how come you believe in Jesus if you haven't seen Him?" Jewel looked at Gideon.
Gideon smiled. "I don't need to see Jesus to believe in Him, Jewel. I just need to feel His presence."
She frowned and averted her gaze. "Presence? Like a ghost?"
"No." Gideon shook his head. "More than that feeling ..." Gideon turned his head to the front and looked up at the blue sky. "His presence is like... a wind."
"A wind?"
"Do you feel the wind?" he asked.
She nodded. "Yes?"
"Do you know where it comes from?"
Jewel thought for awhile, and then shook her head. "I don't. But I can feel it moves around me."
"Do you see the wind?"
"Of course not!" She chuckled at his silly question.
The corner of Gideon's lips curled up. "God's presence is like that of a wind. You don't know where it come from, and you don't even see it... but you feel it."
"Oh, an emotion?"
"No. The presence of God is brought by His Spirit, so faith is not an emotion-driven event."
"It has to do with faith?"
Gideon looked at her. "Yes."
"What? I don't understand you."
"You don't understand because only the spiritual understand this truth. But I tell you this... faith is not an emotion. Faith comes when you hear the Word the God. Then the Holy Spirit touches your spirit, and this will lead you to believe His Word. You'll feel conviction in your soul, and you'll become a new person."
"Touches my spirit?" She was even more confused. What does this mean? "That's ..." Jewel's face flushed. "I don't understand!"
Gideon softly smiled at her and tapped her shoulder. "I pray to God that you will someday see His glory. If you'll see His glory and if you'll feel His presence... Jewel, it will turn your life upside down. You will never be the same person again."
Jewel averted her gaze and stared at the lonely white cloud in the blue expanse of the sky above. A new person?
She pursed her lips.
NIGHTFALL came and Jewel was standing in the garden. Darkness started to cover the place and the afternoon breeze was colder than earlier. Jewel sighed for the nth times. She did not know what to do.
She had listened to Gideon's teaching earlier but seeing him clearly smiling happily around Angela, she could not help but to question his stance. He said that he's not seeing Angela but why was he showing that he hadn't moved on with that woman?
Jewel was jealous.
In this unfamiliar place, all she could do was to stand there as if waiting for someone. She felt small all of the sudden and didn't notice that she was walking ahead with no clear direction in her mind. She had entered the dark forest nearby the village.
Suddenly, her foot stumbled upon a sharp stone. She gasped and protected her face from the fall.
"Ow!" Jewel grimaced and looked around.
All she could see was the full moon hanging above the night sky. Her body shivered in the cold. It was no secret that forests in the province have their coldness seeping around when the sun had set.
Her teeth chattered not from the cold, but of terror when she heard wolves howling at the distant. She didn't expect that there were creatures lurking around the forest because the place was silent during the day.
Gideon also didn't warn her about the dangers of this forest.
Jewel gritted her teeth. She felt helpless but no one was around to help her. So without wasting time, she stood and walked back to where she came from. But the track felt like forever, there's no sign of stopping anytime soon. She bit her lip, regretting her foolishnes and scolding herself for being too affected by Gideon's actions.
She should accept it that Gideon didn't feel anything for her, and that his heart only belong to Angela. She should not hope for the impossible.