Chapter 39: The empty.
"Home sweet home!"
"But it's empty..." Merrigold said a bit eerie, looking around the beautiful elegant home that belonged to Austin before his departure to help manage the plantation. It had been a three hour ride, exhausting as if she had never had to sit still in one place for that one... better yet travel else where.
"Perfect!" Austin replied. "Do not worry, there is a bed."
"How long have you lived here... it's so...secluded..." Merri asked, swiping the dust off the counter of his fitted lounge cabinet. The dark wallpaper made the room, rather the house feel gloomy. She had never imagined how Austin's house looked like. She never even thought he owned a home.
"I'd rather not have neighbors..." Austin said wearily, walking around as he took steps the titles creaked.
"What if you suffered from a stroke and you needed help..?"
"Then I'd die, love, then I'd die because it will be my time."
"Nothing scares you... it seems."
"...there is..." Austin added. "But I will not tell you that..."
"I'd rather not know either way."
"It's losing you."
"What?"
"I won't repeat myself."
"You do not have to, it does not matter to me."
"Of course, here comes your famous chanting 'I love Thomas' yet here you're with me. Here you're forty-three kilometers away from home with me. Here you're Merrigold, here you're. It certainly says a lot about you." Austin said his voice hoarse he turned to walk away into the next room not giving Merri, a chance to reply. She looked at the paintings on the wall, they were remarkable... also very scary. It was something she had never seen before, she had assume most paintings depicted happiness... these questionable? She saw a sad boy... she could not tell if he was drowning in his own tears or if he was stuck in a lake. It seemed to be his own tears. Looking towards the next, her interest kindled.
"The fireplace is all set. Are you warm, it tends to get cold around these parts." Austin appeared. Merri turned to look at him, he looked right back at her. His eyes glimmered, confusion and a fight within himself.
"It must be terrifying being surrounded by such horrendous artwork. It could certainly give one nightmares..."
"...mhm..."
"An empty home, with hair-raising art work. I could definitely tell that this is your space." With a pause, Merri sighed. "Do you ever get visitors?"
"Who needs visitors when you have a box of smokes and canvas..."
"You painted these?" Merrigold questioned a little surprised.
"You already called my work horrendous, you can not take it back."
"I meant horrendous as in scary but it is quite good."
"Oh well...don't expect a thank you." Austin shrugged.
"Besides smoking and painting scary thought processes, what else do you do here?"
"Merrigold, you worry too much. There is town close by a kilometer away. I buy groceries, I cook, I work, I eat, I have a maid who comes to clean up and do laundry once a work. I live a normal life."
"Is the maid a negro?"
"Are you jealous?"
"No, I'm simply asking." Merri composed herself.
"Did not sound that way to me..."
"You work then?" Merri changed the subject, she could feel her overprotectiveness for him rising. She did not want to care... about him or his life or hobbies.
"Yes, for a mediocre law firm."
"Why mediocre?"
"Why so many questions Merri? I suppose you want to get to know the love of your love in detail?" He teased.
"No... never!"
With a smirk, Austin took a step forward. "I was once in denial too and I have to say, it is a waste of time. There is nothing more liberating than accepting your feelings."
"In denial of what?"
"That you feel something for me... no rush, I will always be here."
"How's Lady Harriet? Is this where you took her when you did the deed with her?"
"Ahh Merri, too many questions. You sound like a scorned wife already as it is." Shaking his head, he looked at her and replied. "I do not bring every single person, I bed to my home. I—" He paused. "I wanted you to see this because in an alternative universe, where I want kids and a family. I'm showing you what it could be."
"That's nice..." Merri said feeling awkward at the mention of kids and a family. She knew she could never and would never have that with him even if circumstances allowed, it just wouldn't.
"Imagine it for a second love, the big yard out front. I'm playing football with the boys. You're sitting by the porch yet again expecting my child. Life is good, race doesn't matter, everyone's happy... Thomas is dead."
"No, imagine this. Austin returns to his lonely home. He apologizes to Thomas. Thomas takes Merri back and they marry and try again..."
Austin laughed. "More like Thomas takes Merri back but she is already expecting. Austin lets them be knowing that child will come out looking like his/her handsome father."
"You're not funny!" Merri cringed.
"Tell me Merri, what else do you expect from all the fornication going on here? There's bound to be a mistake, my pulling out will not perfect it...you and I both know that but yet again, you still yearn for me and push for me to continue."
"What are you suggesting, perhaps this was a bad idea..."
"No, I'm simply giving you logical scenarios."
"Austin..."
"Yes love..."
"I'm not yours, I will never be yours. Please get that through your head."
"Alright." Austin replied, knowing there was no winning with someone in denial. "I'm brewing coffee, want a cup?"
Merri only felt bad, regardless of her rudeness. He remained nice and maintained his attitude.
"Only if it's the Rwandan coffee..." Merri smirked.
"Of course!" Austin smiled, leading her to the kitchen. "Would you like to live with me?" He asked out of the blue.
Merri felt her throat suddenly become dry. He was behind her, swiftly wrapping his arms around her from the back as if they belonged there. Not sure if he was being serious, she ignored it.
"Merri?" He questioned.
"My life is not here." She replied.
"It could be... just you and I. You could change the house and make it to your liking. If anyone questions, simple, you work for me. I've been thinking about it a lot..."
"...no...Austin..."
"Why?"
"I...do..not...feel...the...same.."
"Then I'd appreciate if you stopped leading me onto having false hopes."
"I'm not..."
"Good thing there are many rooms, pick one, reside there and do not come looking for my manhood since it seems to be the only reason you want to be around me."
"Why are you being so difficult suddenly? I thought I came here to have a break."
"You're welcome to walk home then..."
"I hate it when you treat me this way!" Merri said hurt in her tone.
"..."
"I love you..." with a sigh. "...and you want me to pretend as if I do not. I can't, I apologize. I just can not. You're a piece of work! You really are."
"But you love me..." Merri teased walking towards him. Regardless of being aggravated by her, he opened his arms for her. Giving her a tight hug. He whispered "Yes, I do."
Running her fingers through his silky hair, he grinned. They stayed quiet for a while enjoying their embrace. He always made her feel protected, nothing and no one could harm her except for him. He seemed to be the only danger that cradled her. Like a ticking time bomb anything could tick him off and cause outrage or an amount of despicable emotional actions.
Out of the blue, Merri whispered. "In alternative universe, you're a good person and I do not have to suffer whenever you're angry. You treat me right, you do not lay a hand on me when galled or irritable. I do not have to watch my words with you. You're somewhat the love of my life... in an alternative universe."
"I do not know how I lived without you for so long..." he whispered back, holding her tight. "I need you to function."
"...unhealthy still."
With a chuckle, he kissed her softly. Melting into his embrace, all was forgotten and left behind. "Coffee—" Merri said pulling away from him. He smiled and nodded, knowing it was not within him to pull out that night and they'd rather abstain from it all as a whole. Sleep caught up quickly after coffee, tired from their long ride. Content is what they both felt, it was different here they did not have to look out for anyone.