"Open the door Lunar."
Lucas's words come from the other side of the door minutes after I've bolted it shut and I stare at it in horror.
From behind me, I can hear Tess moving in bed.
"Lu?" she calls softly and I turn to her sleepy face.
"What's wrong? Who is at the door?" she asks and before I can answer, Lucas's voice comes again.
"This is pointless Lunar, how many times do we have to go through this charade? It won't do us any good. We're meant for each other." he says and Tess glares at the door in disbelief and anger, as if Lucas was standing there.
She gets up abruptly now and marches to the door.
"The charade is over, Lucas. She has made up her mind so why don't you just leave her alone?" Tess says and I just stand at the corner, weak and helpless and even worse..... Confused.
Which baffles me.
Why should I be confused? There is nothing to be confused about.
It was a bad relationship.
He was terrible to me.
So where is this doubt coming from?
Lucas is quiet for a while after he hears Tess and I'm almost sure he is gone but then...
"Lunar. I know you're in there. And I know you don't want to do this. Come on, open the door. I need you. You need me."
"She doesn't need--" Tess is saying but I let the words spill out.
"You don't need me! You never acted like you need me. You treat me like hell, so you can't say you need me." I say in a tearful voice and Tess whips around to face me, her face stricken with horror.
"No." she is mouthing, shaking her head as if warning me from talking.
"It's fine, Tess."
"No it's not. He is trying to get to you."
"I have a very bad way of showing it, I admit that. But I need you. Almost as bad as you need me! Come on Lu, think about it! No one understands you the way I do. I was there for you! Trauma and all. What are you going to do if you leave me, huh? Who are you going to run to? What do they know about you. You're broken. You're traumatised. I'm the only one that can love you despite all that. You think this break up is a good idea? The minute you try meeting someone else they'll see through you and all your baggage! You'll be unlovable to them!"
"SHUT UP!" Tess yells at the door then turns to me.
"Lu. Lunar, look at me. He is wrong, he is just trying to manipulate you. This is what he does every time you try to leave him."
"But he is right!" I tell Tess now, my mind already crowded from the painful truth Lucas is saying.
I'm a wreck. Emotionally and all.
"I'm unlovable to others. They won't get me, they'll see me as a creep." I say in tears and Tess raises my face.
"Lunar that's bull. I'm here. I love you! I get you, I've always been here for you. I will always be here."
"But you don't know how bad my past affects me!"
"All you have to do is tell me! I've been begging you for years! Just tell me what happened!"
I shake my head, refusing. How could I tell her? All that painful history about Logan.
"You won't understand."
"I will! I will!" Tess yells.
"Lunar open the door. You know how she'll look at you when she finds out. You know how everyone looked at you in highschool. Come on. I was the only one there. I'm here now. Just open the door." Lucas says and I rush to the door but Tess stops me.
She glares at me with disbelief, her eyes pooling with tears.
"Lunar stop this! Have you forgotten what he did to you yesterday? How he humiliated you at the cafe, how he pulled your hair.... How he hit me." she pleads.
"I was just upset, that was a fault on my side. I'm sorry!" Lucas yells.
"He is sorry." I repeat to Tess, wishing she'd understand.
She drops her hands from my shoulders now, staring at me.
"I was hurt. I could have had a concussion. I could have hit somewhere fatal and died. Doesn't that mean anything to you?" she asks.
"Of course. But you don't understand. I know this seems stupid--"
Tess walks past me back to her bed and grabs her jacket as she slips on a pair of sandals.
"You're right." she says and walks to the door. Then turns to me.
"It is stupid."
And with that, Tess opens the door and brushes past Lucas who has his eyes on me.
"Come here." he says and opens his arms. I walk into his open arms and he holds me.
"I don't want to break up." I say and he rubs my shoulders.
"I know. Let's go to my place, I have a surprise for you." he says and I look up at him dreamily.
"Really?" I ask and he nods.
"Okay let me grab some of my stuff." I say wiping my tears as I try to head into the room but he pulls me back hard.
"Lunar it's one night. You can wear my stuff, just follow me." he says and I simply nod, not bothering to look up this time.
"Okay." I say and lock my room, then I follow Lucas out the dorm and to his bike.
***
Lucas's apartment was quite a distance from campus and almost all his friends stayed at the same building.
Rex.
Nathan.
Steve.
So for some alien reason, I'm scared that his friends will be in his apartment when we walk in.
And not just any friend..
Nathan.
After my outburst this morning about how bad Lucas treated me, its obvious I know what I'm getting into...
Or at least I think I know...
And Nathan knows that I realize it wasn't right... So what if he sees me now?
Why am I so worried?
I dont have time to ponder on the question because Lucas opens the door and all his friends are there.
For a moment they all pause the video games they're playing, or beers they're drinking to stare at us.
Its not a pleasant look that they're giving us.
It's shock. Unpleasant shock.
But the worse is Nathan. He looks like he was just about to leave, with his backpack on one shoulder and his face a sheer look of disappointment and surprise.
Aimed at me.
"Hey guys." I can barely make out the words and before they can reply, Lucas is already talking.
"Alright, everyone out."
He has his eyes on Nathan, with a smirk and by the time I look to Nathan, he is gone.
When the room is empty, I turn to Lucas, excited to finally be alone with him.
"Where's the surpri--" he doesn't let me finish as his lips meet mine in eager hunger and I ker him take lead. His fast hands are already on the zip of my playsuit, then under my clothes, inside my bra.
As soon as he starts, he stops and pulls away.
"Are you ready for your surprise?" Lucas asks and I nod.
Then he walks over to his bathroom and knocks twice. The door opens and a girl comes out wearing nothing but a g-string and Lucas's wet T-shirt.
I stare in shock as she walks over to him and kisses him passionately.
"W...what's going on?" I manage to say but they're too busy making out to answer me. Then the girl walks over to me and tries kissing me.
"What? No!" I say and jump back in shock.
"What is this?!" I demand now, turning to Lucas and he shrugs cluelessly.
"What does it look like? Its a fucking threesome." He says calmy and I shake my head.
"Are you nuts? This is the surprise?! I'm not doing this Lucas. Its disgusting." I say and it doesn't register in my mind how fast he is moving until the back of his hand connects with my face.
Ruthlessly.