"Cream cheese?" the lady behind the counter asks as she gets the two bagels I asked for.
"No thanks, just that and a spicy pumpkin latte." I say, and she smiles.
I smile back. It was our routine, she knew that I came here every morning before school to order the exact same thing and she would always ask me if I wanted cream cheese with the bagel.
But I wasn't a fan of cream cheese and neither was Logan. He sure did love his pumpkin spice latte anyway, and because of how much we ordered it, we had free coupons for a week.
The lady hands me my order and I show her the coupons. She verifies it and nods,
"See you tomorrow." she says and I say over my shoulder,
"You too." before leaving the cafe and heading straight for Logan's house. We would always meet in front of his house and walk together to school.
Excitement bubbled in me to see him, to hug him and have him flick my ear the way he always did when we met.
As I neared Logan's house, I couldn't help the brief anxiety I felt.
It's today.
Today we were finally going to talk to his parents. Logan has been....in the closet for a while.
A long while.
Dating him was like sunrise, beautiful and slow. Until he told me.
I felt sorry for him at first. And he knew it, and he hated it.
But he wasn't going to break up with me, he needed my help.
I can still remember the fear in his eyes when he said he didn't know how to tell his parents. And he just needed me to keep dating him until he figured out a way to tell them.
"Of course."
I had replied in a heart beat. Until Logan came out, I was going to be his disguise. Then we figured out how to tell his parents. Together.
He said if I was there with him to show that I understood, maybe, just maybe his parents would see it from my point of view.
I knew it was going to be tricky. Logan was an only child, and his parents were super religious.
Nevertheless I couldn't refuse. He may not be attracted to me but he liked me, and I liked having him around.
I turn the curb and walk the last block to Logan's house.
But he isn't standing outside.
I pause and frown.
"Logan?" I ask as I walk to the door and knock, but it just creaks open.
My heart beat quickens in response.
"Lo?" I ask, entering the house tentatively.
"Mr. and Mrs Mullins?" I ask and enter the kitchen.
Oh God.
It was a mess. There were broken dishes everywhere, spilled juice and coffee, cutlery and fruits all scattered.
I rush to the cooker and turn it off, were the eggs there had burnt to a blackened crisp.
Panic seizes my throat.
"Logan?!" I yell now, more scared than ever as I climb up the stairs and head for his room.
When I get to his room, I stand frozen to the spot and the latte and bagels fall from my hand.
I didn't need to knock.
The door was wide open, and Logan was there.......hanging from the roof, his weight of his body putting pressure on the belt that was firmly wrapped tight around his neck.
His face was red, almost purple.
"Oh my God." I squeak out and rush to him, not sure of what to do.
"Oh, God. Oh God." I say over and over as tears rush down my eyes and I pick up the stool that had fallen from under his feet to put it back.
"Logan, baby, you're gonna be fine. You're gonna be okay." I keep saying as I climb the stool and undo the belt wrapped around his neck.
It's difficult to see with tears blurring my vision but eventually, the belt comes undone and his body falls to the ground with a thud.
"Lo. Logan, baby look at me." I say with a soft shaky voice as I get down from the still and hold his body next to me, waiting for him to open his eyes and say it was a prank.
"Logan please wake up. Baby. Logan, Logan look at me please. Say something." I'm saying through hot tears.
He can't be dead.
He just can't be.
There's no pulse and his body weighs tons, his skin is cold.
I run my palm over his cheeks, over the dried tears on his face.
"Logan." I whisper through tears, biting my lip.
"Lo, we were gonna sort it out today. Why would you this? Why?" I bury my face in his chest and cry.
"Wake up."
When I look up again, I see a note just next to the stool.
Lunar. It says.
I open it and somehow, the two words written there tell me everything I need to know.
"I tried." it says in black ink, and the paper is covered with dried water drops.
He was crying.
"Logan you could have waited for me. That was the plan." I yell at him.
"That was the freaking plan." I say and burst into more tears.
I don't know how long I clutch him before I realise I have to call the police. I quickly bring out my cellphone.
"Hello?" I wail into the phone when a lady picks and I describe everything in tears.
She assures me that an ambulance is coming along with some cops.
Within minutes I hear the siren, still clutching Logan.
"I won't leave you Lo. I never should have waited this long in helping you. I won't leave you. I'm right here." I say to his heavy, cold body.
Like in slow motion, the cops and paramedics come rushing through the door and it takes them a while to pry him out of my hands.
"We're gonna take it from here honey." they keep telling me before taking me in their car for a statement.
When we get to the station, I try to talk to the cops as best as I can without crying.
I tell them about the unlocked door and the scene in the kitchen and then the note.
"A note? Where is it?" he asks and I pull it out of my pocket and hand it to him.
"I tried." The cop reads out and I only cry more.
"What does this mean?" he asks and I look at him.
"Logan was homosexual. He wanted me to help him tell his parents and we were supposed to do that today but I'm guessing he told them this morning without waiting for me."
The man nods and hands it to a lady.
"Wait... Will I have it back?"
"It's evidence now, sweetie." the lady says and I almost lose it.
"No, you can't! Those are the last words he left for me. Please!" I cry but she only rubs my shoulder and hands me a glass of water as she gives me a sympathetic look.
"We'll see what we can do, okay?"
I nod at her empty promise and just cry into my hands.
The door opens and a cop walks in.
"Her parents are here." he says and they let me out. My mum and dad are standing there, carrying my baby sister, Lena with them.
But before I get to them, I see Mr and Mrs Mullins standing there holding each other and my sympathy for them is suddenly filled with rage.
"You did this! You religious freaks, you let him die! You didn't give him a chance, I hate you! This is your fault! I hate you! I hate you!" Im yelling and my mum rushes towards me just as a cop restrains me, holding me back.
Mr and Mrs Mullins are staring at me with shock and guilt.
"You guys should be questioning them! Why wouldn't you let him live his life? He never asked to be like this!"
My mum pulls me into a hug now and holds me, shushing me and I cry into her shoulders.
"He was my best friend, mum." I say and she holds me tighter, crying with me.
By the time we leave the station, there's a heavy downpour and I bite my lip, watching the rain scar me.
***
I missed school today. And will probably not go for the whole week. The word must have gotten to my highschool by now.
Logan Mullins committed suicide.
I let more tears fall at the thought, as I stare at the pictures Logan and I took.
Then there's a knock at my door.
"Honey, it's me." my mum says and walks in.
"How are you holding up?" she says but I don't look up. She walks over to me and sits next to me.
"You haven't said a word since your outburst at the station. Your dad and I are worried." she says and when I still don't look up, she sighs.
"Here." she says and hands me a cellophane wrap with a paper inside it.
"It's the note. Mr and Mrs Mullins wanted you to have it." then she pecks me on my head and leaves.
I open the note and look at it.
"I tried."
Then I clutch it to my chest.
Logan didn't deserve to die. And now I will never know how happy he would have been if he was allowed to be himself.
But with this note, all I know is that he died trying.
Author's note
I'm baaackkk! Decided to open this new story with more tragedy than usual.
How do you guys like it so far? Thoughts? Comments?
I'm open to it. To those that have read my past two books, thank for all your support. You guys are really amazing.
Keep reading and keep voting.
Love, Buttercup