Deangelo.
After all that happened yesterday, I had not managed to get a word with both Mia and Elena. They ignored me like I was plague and even I now know that I was failing miserably at this parenting thing, and I feel as though the weight of the world was sitting heavily on my shoulders.
I was finishing up some work and planning with Luca and Anna and just as I proceeded to go, Anna gets into my car with me, causing me to sigh. I winked at Luca to get down and come home with his car so I could have some time alone with her.
"Alpha, should we go to my place?" She said and I immediately shake my head, “I can’t tonight.”
Her face fell. “Why not?”
Here we go. I knew this was coming, I just knew that these females will always managed to get entangled into every little thing. “I’ve got things I need to do today. I need to get home.” I replied as I tried so hard not to snap at her.
She knows me, she knew how thin my patience was, she knew how this was absolutely nothing and yet she was testing me. She was starting to think that we were anything other than a boss and subordinate.
“What’s wrong with you, Alpha? You've been distant and acting weird these days?" She pestered.
“Nothing is going on with me, Anna.” I responded, grudgingly.
“Are you seeing someone else? Is it that girl that caught us together in your study the other day? Is she the new one now?”
I rolled my eyes. “Even if I am, it doesn’t matter because we, Anna, are not exclusive. You’ve known that all along.”
She stays silent and I find myself glancing between her and the road. “What?” I asked, cutting through the silence.
“You’ve stopped putting any effort in now.” She folded her arms across her chest.
“Because you put enough effort in for the both of us. We are not a thing, Anna. What's with this pretense? Where is all of this even coming from? Have we even ever talked about what we are doing? Don’t start this shit now, I’m not in the fucking mood,” I groaned, getting pissed already.
“Not in the fucking mood? Seriously, Alpha? What do you mean we haven't talked about it? Haven't we been having sex every day? Haven't we been fucking? What does that signify if not a relationship, Alpha? Does that not make me your girlfriend now?” She said and it just sounded stupid to me.
"Relationship? I can't afford a relationship at this moment and you know it, you know why!" I almost yell.
“And what is so bad about being in a relationship, alpha?”
“It’s not who I want to be anymore. Or who I can even be.“
"But if we are fucking, why not just call it a relationship? Does it even matter?”
“Yes, it does, Anna because I don’t want it. I don’t want the expectation of what’s coming next. I don’t want to be expected to be in love because it won't happen and I don’t want anyone to be in love with me. I don't owe you all of these explanations, Anna and you know this!" I snapped.
I got to her home and turned off the engine while the silence of the evening engulfs us both.
"Look, Anna. What we have is more blissful, don't you think? The casual fling and sex? Why give it any name at all? Who cares? We fuck eachother and that's it, it's mutual, isn't it? But if you think you're starting to get attached to it then we should just cut it off." I said to her.
Her face fell. “You don’t want to see me anymore?”
I shake my head. “Of course I want to see you but if it's in that plight that you envision then it's impossible. We should just go back to the professional relationship we used to have. That would do more good to the both of us."
Her eyes filled with tears, and she dropped her head, "Okay, Alpha." She said as she opened the door and disappeared inside, I turned and got into my car, and before I know it, I‘m opening up my front door.
Mia came bounding down the stairs and rushed out the front door with Samuel to meet Elena. I clench my jaw as I watched them all. I hated that they prefer her company to mine when she’s only been here for all of three weeks. I know that says a lot about me.
The three of them laughed, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes as I listened.
Elena was carefree, funny, and the children have started to dote on her. They were laughing freely, and I had to stop myself from smiling. I thought I was just pretending to not care about their interaction,, but that was nothing, because I was not even focusing on anything but them. All I could hear was her voice, praising and directing my children, laughing and joking with them, teaching them little life lessons as she did. If only she knew she was tempting me to think about things I shouldn’t be thinking.
When they finally sight me, only Diego greeted me with his usual cheerfulness, Elena and Mia greeted me like they were being forced to and they immediately went back to stand at the lounge.
Elena whispered something to my daughter, and Mia smiled warmly. The sight of it made my cold heart constrict. I knew Elena was perfect on the outside. God knows, every man on the planet knows she’s fucking perfect on the outside.
But at this moment, she was a new kind of beautiful to me. The kind of beautiful that made me want to move closer and kiss her. The kind of beautiful that made me want to hold her in my arms. My cock aches at the memory of our tensions.
I knew I wanted to be alone with her again… this instant even but for the first time since my wife died, my children looked genuinely happy. I couldn't jeopardize this with my carnal desires. Not now, not ever. I just have to put my children before myself, and I have to keep away from Elena.
My eyes lingered on the beautiful woman wearing the pink dress standing in my lounge, and my heart constricted at the thought of never having her. She glances up, and our eyes meet and lingered on one another for a good amount of time until I dropped my eyes and blew out a defeated breath.
I shall forget about her, for now. That's only necessary. I couldn’t help the thug of guilt on my heart as I remembered the fact that my wife's death anniversary was in a few days.