Three months.
It had been three months since I had discovered I was pregnant, three months since I had last heard from Harry, three months since my life had had some semblance of meaning. My thoughts were going haywire, I didn't know what to make of anything anymore.
Sometimes it felt like I had imagined everything. Like me moving to this city, meeting a crime boss disguised as my boss, having some kind of whirlwind romance with him was just a figment of my overly active imagination. But then, I looked at my rapidly growing belly, and a wave a nausea hit, and I knew that none of this was fabricated.
I was yet to tell my mother. I didn't know what to tell her, or how to announce the news. Mom, I'm pregnant but I don't know where the father is? I knew she would be supportive but there were certain things that would never be easy to explain to parents, especially a black mom who had raised me singlehandedly and had made it clear that she never wanted me to end up in this same position.
I didn't know how to feel about the baby anyways. Yes, it had been three months. But the three months had consisted mainly of me working myself into exhaustion, trying to get to Harry and getting the realization that he was not coming back. Not any time soon.
My heart was heavy. I didn't know whether to hate him because he had left me all alone, with no word, no phone call, no message, after telling me multiple times how much he loved me. Or worried that something terrible had happened to him. Both emotions were on some equal angle now.
If I was being honest, I knew the version of Harry he had shown to me. That was it. I didn't know anything of worth about him. His family? No idea. His friends? Who were they? His history was blank to me. And each time I thought of how I had behaved with him, I grew angry at myself. I had placed him on such a pedestal...
I had moved out of his apartment. Staying there was just bringing back memories I would rather forget. Plus, I didn't want to be accused of trespassing. If there was one thing I had realized, it was that luck was definitely not on my side.
It was Saturday, so I went out to take a walk. It wasn't too late that I would feel unsafe, and the air was cool enough to calm me down. I rubbed my tummy and held in the tears. I had not cried once since I learnt I was pregnant. It was probably unhealthy. But I knew that once I started crying, it would be like I was letting a dam loose. And I wasn't going to stop.
I had nobody to comfort me. And I was thinking of the baby. A baby that I had not even come to terms was growing in me. Wasn't that amazing? I had gone to the hospital for consultations, but I had refused to see the sex of the baby.
It was still like a faraway dream to me. I didn't want to make it real. Making it real would just bring about that meltdown that I had been trying so hard to avoid. My head was in a weird place. I didn't want to make it worse.
As I was walking back to my apartment complex, someone stopped me.
"Parker," I breathed when I saw who it was.
I had not seen or thought of him for a while. And to be honest, I would have loved if it had stayed that way. He had shown me that he was toxic, no matter the place he occupied in my life.
"Iris... I thought I'd never see you again," he said with a smile.
I fought the urge to roll my eyes at his dramatics. He thought he'd never see me again? Why was he talking like he had searched the ends of the earth to find me?
"You thought you'd never see me again? You live down the street, Parker," I reminded him, raising a brow.
"Ah... sometimes it seems like you're so far away from me," he responded. I sighed.
I was getting tired of this. I had ninety nine and one things to think about. Not this little boy telling me it seemed like I was so far away from him.
"Parker, I honestly don't have the time or energy for any games. You know where I live. And you don't live far from me. If you really wanted to, you would have come to me, even though that is not an option I would have preferred."
I knew my bluntness shocked him. It shocked me as well. But I swear, in these three months I had aged about ten years. I was no longer interested in coddling people's feelings. If you were being dumb towards me, I was going to tell you. I was attracting stupidity by letting people stomp over me like I was a welcome mat.
"Oh... you've... changed." I was about to answer him, when he added, "That's not a bad thing. I like it." The smile on his face gave me chills.
He was no longer that nice boy I had met at a random coffee shop. He was a stranger and the more I spoke to him, the more creepy he seemed.
"Okay, I'm tired and the last thing I want to do is stand here and have this pointless conversation with you. So I'm going to head upstairs and take a long bath and go to bed, if you don't mind."
That smile was still on Parker's face, but he did not respond. I frowned a little and as I made to leave, he held my hand. I tried to pull it back but he wouldn't let me.
"Congrats on the baby, Iris. I hope it gets your eyes."
My heart rate sped up and I placed my free hand on my tummy instinctively. "How did you know?" I whispered, then I cursed myself for being dumb.
I could have denied it, thrown him off whatever he was thinking. Pretended like all the weight I had put on was me stressing about not seeing Harry in months.
"You should be more careful," was all he said, then he let go of my hand. "Oh, I forgot. Tell lover boy to be careful, will you? Don't want anything bad to happen to him."
Then Parker worked away like he had not just scared me like I had never been scared in my life. I had to leave from here... leave from all this madness.
I was petrified.