I felt rather than heard Harry get in behind me. It was weird that I had practically moved into his home. I was barely ever at my apartment. Even when I got out of work, the first thing I did was go to his.
"I missed you at lunch today," Harry said, then placed a soft kiss on my neck.
I snuggled into him. He was tense. I frowned and turned around. Harry had that same stressed out and tired look on his face.
"Harry? Is everything okay?" I asked, a little worried.
"Hmm? Everything is fine Iris."
I frowned even harder. What was Iris? He never called me by my actual name except when he was angry at me. Had something happened? Something I knew nothing about?
"Are you sure?"
"Just... just a shipment that went wrong. I will have to go and check it out," Harry replied finally.
I swallowed. "Is it going to be dangerous?" I asked. I didn't know why I was asking really. To make myself worry even more?
"Can we not talk about it? Please?" Harry pleaded. I thought of pushing the matter. But then I decided to let it go. I watched as his eyes closed with exhaustion.
"Okay," I whispered even though he wasn't listening anymore.
***
It had been two weeks and since that day, it had been hard talking to Harry. He was still affectionate, but when it came down to sharing things with me (not that I necessarily wanted to know about all the gory details), he pushed me away. I was tired.
I stared at him as he paced the apartment, talking animatedly with someone on the phone. Harry always made a point for weekends to be free for the both of us. But of late, it was very hard to get his attention. I didn't want to complain too much or anything because I knew he was extremely busy, but I missed him.
All of a sudden, Harry walked to the couch I was sitting on and sat next to me, then he pulled me into him. The contact was very much welcome. I stared up at him and smiled when he hung up the phone.
"Hey," he said, then he placed a kiss on my forehead.
"Hey," I whispered back, revelling in the fact that he had kissed me for the first time in what seemed like weeks. "Are you okay?" I asked.
"I'm fine little flower. Don't worry," Harry said. I sighed and looked away. He appeared even more stressed now. He had bags underneath his eyes, not very visible but still. And his normally immaculate hair was tousled and messy.
"I'm worried about you," I ventured, tracing abstract shapes on his shirt with my right index finger. "You haven't been yourself lately."
Harry placed another kiss on my forehead. "I'm fine. I am. You can stop worrying your pretty little head now," he teased and I laughed a little, shaking my head.
"I could never stop worrying about you."
Harry looked at me with a small smile on his face then he bent and kissed me. I leaned into the kiss immediately, sighing unconsciously. I had missed this man and I had missed all the wonderful things he could do with his tongue.
Harry pulled away and whispered, "You're so beautiful. Fuck!" I blushed and placed a kiss on his cheek.
"Come," he said, then he took my hand and let me to the bedroom. We lay on the bed and stayed like that for a while, just basking in each other's presence.
It was weird but I maybe preferred this to sex (just kidding, dick is supreme). But it was one of the most amazing feelings in the world. Sleeping next to the man you loved—and who loved you—while y'all just enjoyed being close to each other.
"I love you," Harry said, then he kissed my head.
"I love you too," I responded. I didn't know how or when, but I fell asleep. By the time I woke up, Harry was no longer next to me, I was just in his t-shirt and panties and I could smell bacon from the kitchen.
I got out of bed gingerly and after brushing my teeth, I went to the kitchen. Just like I thought, Harry was making breakfast. I heard my stomach growl and a small chuckle as he turned to look at me.
"Hey," I said sheepishly, then I walked towards him and wrapped my arms around his torso. "Hmm," I moaned, inhaling the scent of his cologne, "you smell good. You showered already?"
"All the questions later. Let's eat first," he said. I cocked my head in confusion but I made nothing of it.
He put the food in front of me and I smiled up at him in gratitude. The meal was quiet. I didn't know what to make of it. It had some kind of morose atmosphere to it and I was becoming more and more scared. There was a weird feeling building up in me, a feeling that said that something terrible was going to happen.
I didn't realize I was done eating until Harry took the fork gently away from my hand. I looked up at him in surprise, wondering how I had gotten so lost in thought. It didn't matter though. The look on Harry's face was enough for me to transfer the questions to later.
"Is everything alright babe?" I asked, not able to bear the heavy silence anymore. Harry didn't say anything in response, just took my hands and led me to the living room.
Okay. I was very terrified now.
"Hey baby, I'm going to have to be gone for a bit," he said, taking my hands into his. I was confused.
"Gone? Where? And for how long?" I asked, searching his face.
"Yes Iris. Gone. There have been some problems with some shipments and I am going to have to go and make sure that everything is going just as planned," Harry explained. I noticed that he had avoided my second question.
"Oh," I said softly. I knew without him saying it that this trip was going to be dangerous. I had shielded myself (and Harry had helped as well) from his other life, the one that belonged to the mafia. And now it was coming to bite me in the ass. "How long?" I insisted.
"I... I don't know princess. It might be a week, might be a month."
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Okay... I was going to try not to cry.
"And when are you leaving?" I asked, dreading the answer even. The way he put it, and the way he had been busy of late, I was scared that it was urgent. And that he was going to leave sooner than I was ready for him to leave.
"Today, right now," Harry said after a long silence.
"Today!" I echoed. It was like I had lost my fire. Harry was leaving today. We hadn't even gotten to spend time with each other. I knew he wasn't leaving for good, but it was indefinite. I almost felt like an army wife, having to see my partner off to war.
"I didn't want you to worry little flower. Because you worry too much about me. I'll make sure to do everything so I can be back before you know it," he promised, then he kissed my knuckles.
"That's not what you should be promising me," I said a little hollowly. "You should be saying you will stay safe for me."
"I'll stay safe little flower. I promise," Harry said.
I swallowed again. I wanted to cry and beg him not to leave. But I knew it would be in vain. Harry would go still. He needed to go. And even though I wasn't in agreement with this, I had signed up for it when I decided to keep seeing him even after he told me he was part of the mafia.
But it didn't mean I was ready. Maybe I was sounding too dramatic but I couldn't help it. Harry was leaving me. Since that I had met him (apart from my little bouts of stupidity) we had hardly been apart from each other. The days we were going to spend separately were going to kill me.
"I'll miss you," I said, then I latched on to him. I didn't want this man to go.
"I'll fucking miss you too baby. So fucking much. But aye, don't act like I'm dying. It's shipments. There's never much of an issue with them."
"Harry, that is not reassuring me. I am worried about you. It's my right. So let me worry," I said, frowning at him.
"I love you," he said suddenly.
"I love you," I responded.
We walked to the door and I looked at him. "Uhm, I'm coming with you right? I mean to your car or whatever."
"If you come down with me, I'm not gonna want to leave," Harry admitted.
I was tempted to say then don't but I stopped myself. I spied the little duffel bag on the floor next to the door and I sighed. "I'll miss you," I said, the tears already wanting to escape.
"Hey hey. Don't cry. Come here. I won't be gone long okay?" Harry said, then he placed a kiss on my head. I buried my face in his chest and inhaled. Ugh I was going to fucking miss this man!
"Stay safe," I said. Harry opened the door, picked his bag. Then all of a sudden, he dropped it and took my face into his hands. He kissed me and I was breathless at the intensity of the kiss.
"I love you," he said when he broke it off, then he picked his bag again and walked to the elevator. I watched him as he left and he threw me a kiss when the doors locked.
I walked back into his apartment slowly. That kiss, that kiss had felt suspiciously like a good bye kiss. The weird feeling had returned and in spite of all my efforts to be cheerful, I couldn't help but feel that something terrible was going to happen...