"It's too tiring." He responded.
Tiring? "Hmm…why tiring?"
"I mean...I just..can't see the point of why I have to use my energy to let everyone know what I am feeling inside. No one even cares. Life still goes on. It's better this way than making an effort." He said.
I took in what he said, my eyebrows meeting. I'm confused...
Is he thinking like this all this time? Is that really the reason? It feels so long that I know him, and yet here I am, wondering about him.
About who he truly is. Not the rude, stone-faced robot I know. It looks like I still don't know him that well…
Him thinking so deeply like this made me want to dissect, and study each part of him, each story he has, each scar he hides...
"But why? If it's so tiring, then would it be the same as smiling? All you do is glare and scowl. Or if neither, then just a blank, expressionless face."
Although as time passes, all these months since I met him, his facade is slowly melting for a while now compared to the incidents back when I first met him.
He went quiet with that. Then he spoke up, "I'm jealous of you... you know what?"
Jealous? "Why?"
"Because you can smile."
Oh. That. Haha. If you only know...if you only know what hides behind that smile of mine...
I smiled bitterly, and said to him, "Then smile."
"It's..." He paused, "so hard."
So hard? I roll my eyes. "Psh. You say that. I'm the one who's jealous. At least you, you don't pretend like me."
Hiding your emotions is harder than pretending. At least when pretending, you know what to do, whereas in hiding your emotions, you don't know what to do.
"I hate being weak. I hate that I'm weak. I hate weakness." I said. "So I have to pretend. Pretend that I'm strong." There, I said it. My weakness. My weakness is that I'm weak.
"Then don't pretend."
I deliberated for an answer, then sighed, "It's hard."
"I hated you, you know." He said, changing the topic.
I snorted at that, "So obvious. Wow. That's flattering really."
"You acted all innocent and shy and pure but really, they don't know the true you. With Aunt Maggie, Luke, with everyone. But all along..." He trailed off.
Beaming, I said proudly, "What can I say? I'm a pretender. So much so that I have a master's degree major in pretending. I'm the master of all pretenders in the world."
Silence. And we broke into fits of laughter. Or to put it, I broke into a fit of laughter, while Eion just chuckled deeply. And that's surprising since we were once an enemy.
But we have a similarity that pulls us. Our conversation went on and on until we were asking personal questions about each other.
"Favorite food?" I asked.
"Fries. Favorite color?"
"Green. You?"
"Black. Band?" He asks.
"Hmm, this is hard...I'm gonna choose owl city and before you exit. You?"
"The 1975, Twenty-one pilots and owl city."
"Song?" I asked.
He paused to think then said, "Fireflies by owl city."
I nodded in agreement...Hmm, he has a taste. "Mine is, I see fire by Ed Sheeran, Kill em with kindness by Selena Gomez, I won't give up by Jason Mraz, yeah plenty."
Then I think about another question. "What is your favorite season?"
"Winter."
He said. I smiled, "Copycat. Mine is winter also." I said.
"Well, why?" He asked.
"Because I just want to sleep the whole season. You?"
"Well, I love Snow." That came out of his mouth quickly. I choked at his words... My eyes are widening. Did he just...he didn't, did he?
No, No, No. It can't be. Snow...No, not me. He means the snow.
"Oooh, haha," I laughed nervously. What am I thinking? That was awkward! "Yeah, snows are beautiful, especially since they are a secret weapon to throw to your enemy and all," I said nervously.
No... Snow, don't be assuming, you're not what he is talking about.
Once I had finally managed to stop my irrational thoughts, I said, "I didn't really know you have this side. And surprisingly, it was fun. I had fun with you even through the phone." I admitted.
And it's true. I really did have fun tonight.
Then Eion's face flashed in my head. His deep chuckle, his laugh, his small smile, his almost smirks, and his rare blushes, to me he looks so handsome with all of it.
"You know what? I've been thinking...what if you open up a little? It wouldn't hurt to try right?"
"Huh?" He asked.
"Open up a little..." I suggested.
"Smile, laugh or cry. Be nice to everyone. You can do it, you are allowed to do it and no one's stopping you except yourself. Despite always calling you a robot, I realized you're still human after all.
Deep down that stone-cold face. That's why a lot of people are scared of you. Smile more, you're...more handsome with it." I continued.
"If I did something, it would only lead to hurting them or making things worse. And if I didn't the result would be the same. So I just either ignore or glare. That way things will be fine."
I took in what he said and paused to consider from another point of view, "So you are misunderstood. All along..."
He paused. "I think...I don't know..." he trailed off.
"But why not explain yourself?"
"Those who don't care will not listen. Those who care don't need it."
He asked, "So you think I'm handsome?"
I chuckled, flushing red in embarrassment. Now I had done it! I'm done! I just said it so casually! Now how am I supposed to face him when the break is over? And ladies and gentlemen, it's official.
The old Snow Waterstrings can't come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, cause she's dead. Literally. She even dug her own grave!
"Uhm...hahahaha...if you put it that way...yeah I mean, if you smile more and stop that frown, you won't look like a forty-year-old man who looks like he has all the problems in the world. Besides, frowning takes a lot more muscles than smiling, you know."
He went silent at that. Dammit, instead of wanting to try and cheer him up, I was the one who was totally affected here.
Well, he really is...handsome. Goodlooking, and attractive...
There, I said it. And that's coming from The Snow Waterstrings. I think no one would deny that fact. "Especially now that you're popular with the girls even with that frown, what's more, if you smile and treat everyone nicely?"
There. I said it again, the things I know I can never tell him face to face.
It was silent again, my forehead creased in confusion. I looked at the screen, checking to see if he was still there. I smiled, he is.
"Fine, I’ll do that. If you'll stop pretending."
Woah, hold up there. Let me clarify if it was true. "Do I smell a match? Are you challenging me?" I joked to erase the tension in the air.
"Whatever, everything is a big deal to you anyway. Take it a challenge, I don't care."
And, he's back. Whew, after all that conversation, I thought I'm really not speaking to Eion.
"Then it's on!" A challenge is a challenge. Me, Leizel Snow Waterstrings, won't back down. Not ever. Not in a million years.
And just like that, Eion The Robot...Eion the cold-hearted...Eion Hudson..right here...through a phone call, opens up to me.
I can't help but feel...at ease now. And I feel my heartwarming knowing this.