Axton watched her eyes, digging into the maze that was her soul, but all he could see were the wounds he had buried deep inside there.
All the hurt he had caused, and the loneliness and the pain...all the things he should have been the one to protect her from feeling.
He swallowed and looked away when he couldn't let himself see anymore. He opened his mouth, but not much came out of it.
"I am sorry. I..."
"Is there something that's holding you back? Is there something that makes you feel like you can not be in love with me?"
He held his head. "A lot. There are a lot and...Natalia... I do not know. There are a lot od things like me knowing I am not exactly the man you envisioned for yourself. You do not know just how deeply I mean that."
She slowly touched his face, like a blind woman reading a passionate love letter set in braille. "But what if...that man has become you? What if when I close my eyes and envision the man I want, it is you I see?"
Beta Scott knocked lightly on the room's door, and when he did not hear an answer, peeked in to see. The room was empty, and he could hear the sound of water from the bath house.
He decided to check, and walked to the open door. What he saw made him reel back immediately, and he tiptoed away, closing the door soundlessly as he left.
"You will not be able to handle it. I assure you." He told her, letting his tongue run over his lips as he felt it go dry.
He saw no change in her expression as she nodded, but the small, probably more logical voice in his head told him not to.
'What if she runs out of here and never looks back?' He asked himself.
'But with everyday I wait, every day I hide the truth and she comes to me like this, it feels even harder.'
He sighed and helped her stand, so he could pull himself out of the water and sit on the edge of the tub.
"Nothing."
"You are letting it hold you back again."
That was exactly what he was doing. She sat next to him, and let her pinky lay on his own as she used her hands to support her weight.
I will be here, Axton. Whenever you need me."
"I need you now." He answered.
He slowly leaned in towards her, for the very first time since he learned of her mother, not letting the information hold him back.
This was something he knew he wanted, and has for some time. He didn't know when or how, but when she met him half way, her lips unapologetically meeting his, he knew he found it, and he wasn't wrong either.
He closed his eyes, her lips feeling like silk, the sensation of her slow breaths calming his nerves.
She could hear his accelerated heartbeat as it fell in to sync with hers, and the slow, unsure way he held her face, the slow way he touched her lips, like he was trying to take care of her. Like he didn't want to frighten her. Like he didn't want to lose her.
She laced her hand in his hair, and there he felt like he was listening to her tell him all the things about her that he did not know. All the things she could have said, but kept hidden, all the things that sometimes felt painstakingly awful to bear alone.
Just like the way he freely let her feel his lips glide gracefully against her own, he knew he wanted to share all of that burden with her. Even if he would never share his, he needed to help her carry hers.
And in that moment, he knew he didn't need to say those words to her. He had to ensure she felt it in every thing he did and in every kiss they share. And he would make sure she could see it every time she looked into his eyes. Because he would proudly keep it there. For her to see and be proud of. For her to fall deeper and harder in love with.
She broke the kiss slowly, staying close enough to still feel his breath, her eyes closed, the tingling sensation filling her lips like a really big wave.
He watched her as she took her time to recover, a small part of him liking just how long it took her, and another part wanting to see how her eyes would look after.
What emotions would be fighting for dominance in her blue orbs, and what she would think of him.
She slowly opened her eyes and what he saw made him break into a small smile. He didn't need to say any more.
He found himself leaning into her again, every nerve in his body tell him he was selfish and he shouldn't let himself feed off the pleasure of having her when he would inevitably cause her pain later, but one look in her eyes and he felt it would be fine.
He felt he could live in the present, and bury his guilt in the flowery feel of her kisses, and forget he had something to make up for. Maybe then, he would be able to figure out a way to actually make it up to her.