(Edited)
"I swear I don't know when I started crying,I couldn't even see the view well because my eyes were blurry,I had to clean my tears to see where I was heading to and there we were stuck in the traffic"
"Amaani,Amaani"I didn't even realize ya zuzu was calling me until when she touched me,I've been calling you amma your long lost in your own world of thought.
"Amaani I know you've been through a lot amma pls have some more sabr and faith in Allah"
You may feel disorientated, empty, depressed- but I can guarantee you that these feelings will pass.
And when they do, liberation is waiting for you, alongside bursts of life energy.
All that you have longed for, but are afraid of owning- emotional freedom, spiritual maturity, the capacity to love and be in the world, emotional resilience- are waiting for you on the other side of this bridge.
Painful as it might be, it is a worthy endeavour.
When it comes to true forgiveness and liberation,
there is no other journey more worthy than the bridge of pain and regret
I promise you.
So walk on, like a soldier, walk on.
Once we are able to integrate our past into the present, we will mature from a child-like mind to having a much more full and realistic vision of reality.
We can embrace both the good and the bad.
We can be both the anger and the compassion.
"And there goes the green light"I was paying much more attention to what ever ya zuzu was saying but I was focused on the road,that was the peep talk I needed and that was what she was exactly doing.
"Amaani One day, you will reach a point of desolate interaction or something that they said or do, that finally break us open.
This is the moment at which we are being initiated to walk the bridge of pain and grief
As we step onto the bridge, we drop- one after another— false expectations, fantasy, and hopes.
We watch them sink into the water and get splintered into pieces by the rapid river beneath our feet.
As we watch them go, we let them go.
As we walk on the bridge of pain
one layer after another we shed our skin.
We feel ourselves becoming lighter and lighter.
As all shedding goes, this walk is not without pain.
This shedding pain is our growing pain.
Our instinctive reaction is to be afraid of it—
We may feel an urge to run back to the haven of our own shore.
If we do, however, we fall back into the inferno of disappointment and resentment.
Therefore, the task now, Amaani, is to walk on.
One step after each other, tenderly, tenderly, but stoically and courageously.
Keep your heart open, even in hell.
"I know I haven't experienced a little of what you've experienced but don't forget Byron Pulsifer once said "A pencil can correct any mistakes it makes and a person is also charged with the responsibility to make right that which has been done poorly, or to make amends if you have done wrong or hurt someone else."
"Always know that I love you sastra and my shoulders are always yours to pour your heart out,may Allah make this easy for you,for us and for mummy,be strong and we will know what to do to get our mother back from that evil Aseeya inshallah,may Allah see us through"Ameen I said and hugged her.
"Thank you so much ya zuzu that was the peep talk I needed earlier"i said while wiping my tears.
"And like that I dropped ya zuzu at her house,I was about to drove out when ya khalili drove in,we exchange pleasantries with him and the kids then I headed straight home.