CHAPTER FIFTY TWO
RYKER
Caught up in organizing my cluttered table, I was completely oblivious to anyone's arrival until I felt her hand resting on my table's surface. When I looked up, I was taken aback by the sight of Roxanne's unexpected presence and her expression was devoid of emotion.
“Roxanne,” I chirped. “I guess the bird decided to leave its nest, eh.”
She shrugged. “ Nothing fun was happening.”
“I thought you weren't supposed to be walking yet,” I said as I eyed her crutches.
“Oh but I am,” she said and shot me a look that screamed ‘if looks could kill’
“What's with that face? Do you need something? Have you had anything to eat today?”
“Yes,” she said coldly. “You look occupied.”
“I really am occupied but I'm glad I came to see you and please stop giving me that look. It gives me the chills.”
“Everyone in the house is busy, so I decided to help out since I feel useless staying in my bedroom. I mean I've been hearing them working and talking for days now and maybe I was waiting for you to tell me, but since you never did, I came to congratulate you.”
I stared at her in amusement. “I'm confused now, Roxanne. What has everyone been saying and what were you expecting me to tell you?”
She sighed. “It's all over–”
“Roxanne,” I snapped impatiently. “What is it?”
“So there's a mating ceremony tomorrow or is it hearsay?” She demanded with a sharp edge to her tone. “You're choosing your mate tomorrow aren't you?”
I swallowed, “Please sit down.”
“No I'm not,” she objected, crossing her arms on her chest and glaring at me. “You were never going to tell me right? Was I ever going to find out? Everyone got letters and me– nothing.”
I took her hands in mine, holding firmly. “Roxanne please.”
She tried to writhe out of my grip but couldn't. So she screamed when she couldn't have her way.
“No… no.” she was panting loudly now and I saw tears well up in her eyes.
I reached out to touch her on the shoulders but she retreated, her expression hurt. “I thought we were friends? Fuck, I'm so stupid.”
“Roxanne, stop it. You're not stupid.”
She swallowed and the tears she had been holding back slipped down her eyes. “Why didn't you tell me? Were you ever going to tell me? Why did you lie?”
I sighed, “I'm sorry I never told you.”
She backed away, her anger skyrocketed as she punched me in the arm. And she punched me again. “Tell me how long you've been planning this.”
“Stop this please.” I was pleading now.
“Since I was in a coma, yeah?” A tear escaped her eyes and she brushed it back angrily.
I paled. She knew? “You've gotten your memory back?”
“How many more things are you going to lie about?”
***
ROXANNE
I stared at the man I adored and had gotten to like and he just didn't look like the man I used to know. I hated this one before me.
“I'm sorry,” he said as he held me against him firmly. “I never wanted you to think I was the reason you ended up comatose, that's why I lied.”
“I don't care about you enough to worry about that. How do I get this across that thick skull of yours? You mean nothing to me. Nothing at all.”
The look on his face– I hated it. He looked as though he wasn't expecting me to say those words. As though my words were like a dagger through his heart, which I hoped it really was.
“Don't look at me like that. I know you hate me, so stop it,” I warned.
He gritted his teeth. “I never wanted to hurt you. I didn't– listen to me”
“No!”
He grabbed me by my arm and pinned me against the wall. “Listen to me, for once.”
Anger was evident in his voice but I wasn't going to stop. I couldn't pinpoint the exact reason I was mad at him. Maybe I had been mad at him before and the whole mating thing triggered it.
I pushed his hands away. “Don't fucking touch me.”
“Will you hear me out?” His voice was hard and soft at the same time. “I hurt you and I'm sorry. I never should have lied but you were just recovering and I was scared you would hate me when you found out you got hurt because of me.”
“I hate you so much already,” I whispered as he pinned my hands against the wall and pressed himself against me.
I sucked in my breath as I stared into his beautiful red eyes. No! I won't let myself be charmed by this man. I was mad at him and he wasn't getting it.
“I was going to tell you but I didn't want to trigger unwanted memories of how you got hurt,” he explained, his tone soft.
“Let me go,” I said.
“No.”
“I can't stand you, Ryker. I hate you.”
He nodded as he watched my face. “I know.” He leaned in closely till our lips were inches apart and I had to control myself before I did something stupid as wrap my legs around him and pull him in.
He leaned in till our lips almost touched and locked eyes with me. My breath hitched in my throat as he planted a kiss on my neck. “Do you remember this?”
I swallowed as he trailed kisses to my neck and my betraying body shuddered. Control yourself I tried to tell myself but it wasn't working.
Ryker's lips brushed mine and pressed tightly against mine. I pinched myself and turned my head away. Just a simple move shouldn't make me forget I was mad at him.
“What are you doing?” And my voice had to betray me next.
He kissed me softly on the lips, “Finding out if you hate me and with the way you're reacting to my kisses I have my answer already.”
Bastard.
“I know a lot about reverse psychology, Alpha,” I said. “And whatever you're doing isn't going to work. You're trying to kiss me so I would forget I'm mad at you isn't it?”
“I don't want to fight you,” he said. “I don't like when you get in that mood.”
I pushed him off me. “Congrats on your mating ceremony tomorrow.”
I started to go away but he grabbed my hand and pulled me to him. “Please,” he said and gazed up into my eyes. “I don't know who forged my writing and sent you that letter. I promise I didn't want you hurt and I can't forgive myself. The damage is done.”
“That's what you don't get,” I yelled, unable to control my emotions as the tears slipped.
I hated that I was crying in front of him and I couldn't stop it. It hurt. And I never realized how much it hurt until now. Until I heard he was mating with someone tomorrow. “I don't care if I get hurt, it's not your fault and I don't blame you for it. But I cover up. I have to cover up. Have you seen me after my incident?”
Without thinking I reached for my dress and slipped it off, exposing my tiny frame. The cool breeze caressed my almost bare body and hardened my nipples. “These scars hurt like hell and they're permanent but you know what hurts more, you choosing someone else before me.”
Ryker's eyes wandered over my body and I saw him gulp and look away. Was he disgusted?
I reached for my dress. “It's disgusting to stare at them isn't it?”
“No,” he whispered and came close to me. “It's all my fault. If– if we hadn't had that fight…” he trailed off. “That's why I'm trying not to get into a fight with you. It's my fault and your body is perfect.”
He slipped my dress over my head, careful not to touch me anyhow. He treated me as though he was scared to hurt me. “I'm not mad about that. I'm mad that you're mating with someone else and I'm mad that I like you but you don't see it.”
Ryker gasped. “You like me?”
I nodded as I burst into tears. “I'm selfish. I shouldn’t like you but I do and I hate that I like you and it's driving me crazy.”
Ryker chuckled lightly and pulled me into his arms. I saw him glance at my neck as though he was looking for something, then he sighed. “You don't want a mate Roxanne. I need a Luna for my pack.”
“I don't want to hold you down either,” I said. “Forget I said anything like this. I don't want to mate. I don't have a wolf and I Like you but I can't stop you.”
“Roxanne–”
“I hate you Ryker. I hate that you like someone else and not me. I hate that you're cold to me.”
He closed his eyes and clenched his fists. “Stop saying those words.”
I shook my head. “If you're going to mate can you please let me go now? I don't want to stay in Red moon please.”
He shook his head. “I'm sorry but I can't Roxanne. You're a part of this pack now. I brought you in.”
“Don't try to stop me. I'll leave. I just wanted your permission but since you're not willing to give it, I'll leave.”
He tried to say something but I wasn't listening anymore. I stormed out of his office and shut the door behind me. I couldn't hide it. I was in love with Ryker but I couldn't have him.