CHAPTER FIFTY ONE
ROXANNE
It's been three weeks since I woke up and returned to the pack house and I hated everything. I never left my room for once because I hated myself. I just couldn't bear the thought of going out and I still couldn't walk properly. My bones ached. It seemed as though in any minute, my bones were going to dismantle.
And myself. I hated myself so much I wanted to hide myself from the world. I had smashed the mirror in my room again when I saw my reflection. I was bruised all over. Not the bruises Ryker's men gave me but new ones and I couldn't remember how I got them but they hurt and itched and I scratched till they bled. They were scars like something hot damaged my skin. They were scars from having my skin burnt and they were all over my arms, my legs, my chest and my stomach.
These were scars that were going to be stuck with me for life and I hated them a lot. I cried myself to sleep every night and no matter how hard I tried to remember how I got these marks, I just couldn't.
I hid myself from everyone, even Ryker. I never let him see me without full clothes. I was ashamed of my appearance. I hid myself in clothes that were long with high collars and long sleeves.
A part of me wished I had never woken up from that sleep. No one was saying the truth to me. Even the physician. He didn't tell me how I was when I was brought to him. All he said was that I was in a bad state. I longed to remember. I needed to remember. If it was done by someone, I would kill whoever it is that did it.
I never allowed visits. From time to time, people knocked at my door but I never answered, nor did I open it except for Ryker. I didn't know how long I was going to stay in my shell but I was sure it was a long time.
But lately, the pack house had been bustling and I wondered what was going on. Perhaps some sort of event was going to happen in the Alpha’s villa or so. I was trying my best not to be delusional but it seemed as though the moment I opened my eyes, everything had changed.
The workers had been very occupied— beautifying and cleaning and letters were being sent out. That's when I knew it was going to be an important occasion.
Whatever was going on, I didn't understand it. I wasn't told, so I didn't ask.
How did I know? I heard the people talk about it everyday. My window was always their spot and it infuriated me. But if it was an occasion, why didn't Ryker say anything about it to me? Perhaps it had nothing to do with me or maybe he was considering my health. But still, I was curious.
***
Sunlight crept through my window and danced on my face. The birds tweeted and the cool morning breeze kissed my skin. I forced my eyelids apart and groaned.
I was exhausted. I should go back to bed and get more sleep because I couldn't sleep at night. There was a bonfire and almost everyone was out. I watched them from my window. They were all lively and the atmosphere was full of vibrant energy. I saw Beta Miles and his witch but I didn't see the Alpha.
Resisting the urge to sleep, I helped myself to my feet, whimpering and groaning in pain. I went to stand in front of my mirror– the new one Ryker insisted I kept. I glanced at my reflection and I didn’t fail at looking terrible as I had been doing recently.
My eyes were swollen and red from crying myself to sleep and I had dark circles under my eyes. I was pale and thin because I hadn't been eating properly for a long time. I wasn't pleased with my body, what was the essence of feeding?
My hands quivered as I stepped out of my nightie. My body looked sick and I thought to myself; would someone ever love me with these scars?
I didn't even like myself.
I went to the bathroom and let the water wash over my itchy wounds. Water was like an antidote. It soothed me. I shampooed my hair and brushed my teeth.
After bathing, I slipped on a long sleeved dress and tied a scarf on my head. I grabbed my crutches because there was no way on earth that I was going to go out on a wheelchair.
I took a stroll in the hallways that evening, against my physician's will. I was told to not go out alone but I couldn't have the guards watching my back everytime. Although, I knew it was because of protection.
Deep down, I longed to know what was happening and thank the moon goddess, I crossed paths with Beta Miles.
He froze in his spot when he saw me.“Oh my days. I almost thought it was a ghost or I was seeing things.”
I chuckled. “It's so nice to see you Beta Miles. It’s been ages, you're never really around. But I was told you brought me roses. Thank you, I love them.”
“Oh, I'm glad you do,” he said, smiling.
“If you weren't mated yet, I would have chosen you for a mate,” I teased.
He nodded, “Same old Roxanne. Still I can't believe my eyes. It feels surreal but my, you do look different.”
I swallowed. “Yeah I do look like shit.”
“It's been six months and some weeks since I last saw you awake if I'm correct?”
My smile faltered as I stared at him. What did he mean six months? I chuckled. “I don't understand, Beta. What do you mean six months?”
“You were in a coma for six months, oh shit you can't remember,” he said. “I heard most people tend to lose their memory when they wake up from a coma.”
I shook my head. “I don't think that's right.”
“I'm sure it is,” he said. “I remember coming everyday to deliver roses from the Alpha and everyone else including myself. It's been six months. We almost thought we were going to lose you and the Alpha was worried.”
Six months. That's what the physician was trying to tell me before Ryker entered. Why didn't Ryker tell me the truth? Why did he lie?
“So you're saying I spent six months of my life on a bed, damn that's crazy. It just feels like it's been two days,” I said.
Beta Miles tapped me lightly on the back. “I understand. It can be like that sometimes. But are you fine now? Are you supposed to be walking? Your leg was pretty fucked up.”
I shrugged. “It still is. But I have to move around with a crutch and I think I'm getting better also.”
“ You shouldn't stress about it , you know?”
I smiled. “I was in a deep sleep for six months, Beta Miles but trust me, I'm better now.”
“Other parts of your body have healed, right?” He heaved a sigh of relief. “Thank God you're okay.”
I nodded. “Beta Miles can you remember how I ended up in a coma? I'm having a hard time remembering.”
“Roxanne,” he said my name tentatively. “You looked pretty bad. There were injuries like burns all over your skin and they were bleeding and you were stabbed in the stomach. There was an arrow in your stomach and more in your legs.”
I swallowed. Who could've done that to me? Why couldn't I remember a thing?
“Oh yeah, that's true,” I said, pretending to remember. “But why weren't the guards there? Why did they let that happen to me?”
Beta Miles shook his head. “The guards will never let anything bad happen to you if they're present. But they weren't that day. You said you had received a letter from Alpha Ryker asking you to come to the hall of shadows and I think it was a lie.”
I gasped, “Why would anyone want to do that to me?”
“It was a fake letter that wasn't from the Alpha and we went in search of you. We went to the hall of shadows and found blood everywhere– your blood. And we found you in the woods. Since then you've been asleep for six months.”
My mind was foggy. I couldn't remember a thing. Not even one. I smiled at Beta Miles. “Thank you for letting me know. You should get some rest though. You look as though you're about to sprint.”
“I'm the Alpha’s assistant so I have to be up and ready,” he leaned in and made a face. “You know how the Alpha can get. His temper isn't one to test.”
I nodded in agreement. “You're right.”
“I will catch up with you soon, I have some things to do with the Alpha,” he said. “It was nice seeing you again.”
I nodded and watched him walk away. That's when it clicked. “Beta Miles,” I called.
He turned around. “Yes ma'am. Anything I may help you with?”
I walked quickly to cover the distance between us. I looked around to be sure no one was listening before I spoke.
“Beta, what's going on? Why is the whole house busy? Are we expecting someone?”
He smiled, “you don't know?”
I shook my head.
“The Alpha is choosing his mate tomorrow.”