The white ceiling greeted me the moment I opened my eyes. This was probably the third time I woke up in the hospital. First, when I was pregnant. The second, when I lost my baby, and the third was today. Am I going to lose another person again?
I woke up suddenly remembering what had happened. I winced when I felt the pain in my leg. I clung to the bed cover and sighed.
The gunshots. Nicholai was shot and was on the floor. Philip was shot instead of me, and Cheni’s bloody body on the floor came flashing back like a bullet train. What happened after? Those were the memories that I remembered before I passed out.
"Cris." I looked in the direction where someone called my name. Astonished, I looked at her.
It was my mother. She was crying as she approached me.
“You’re awake. Thank you, God!” she said when she got close to me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked in a cold tone. Now she was here as if she never abandoned me.
I looked behind her. He was not the only one here. My brothers and father were also inside my room. I sighed and immediately averted my eyes. All of them were here. It meant that they already knew the truth.
"I'm sorry, Cris," my mother cried and kneeled beside my hospital bed. I sighed at what she did. My father suddenly came over and kneeled as well too. They were both asking for my forgiveness.
My heart constricted from the sight. I knew they made a mistake. But from what I saw now, I knew they have great remorse for leaving me on the air. They were still my parents. No matter what I did, they were still my parents, and I couldn’t resist them.
I cried. I cried the weight I felt with all that had happened to me.
My mom hugged me. “I’m sorry. We did not know. We are all blinded by Cheni. By Nicholai. We did not expect Nicholai to hurt you. ”
“We will make sure that Nicholai can no longer approach you. We already cut our ties to their family, ” Dad said angrily as he wiped the tears from his eyes.
I smiled timidly. I expected this to happen when they found out the truth. I felt terrible for cutting ties with Nicholai’s family. They were also like a second family to me. To us. But everything just fucked up.
“What happened? Are Philip and Nicholai okay? How about Cheni?” worried, I asked.
“Philip is fine. She is in another room. Good thing that the bullet didn’t hit his vital organs. At the same time, Nicholai is in a critical condition. He just got out of the hospital. His stab wound was not yet totally healed, and now he’s in the ICU again. ”
Suddenly I was devastated to hear it. If it weren't for Nicholai, Philip might have gotten worse. I felt responsible for his condition. I thought he had already left the country, but he was there and managed to save me and Philip's life.
"How about Cheni?" I hesitated to ask, but I still asked in the end.
My mom’s face became angry. “She’s dead on the spot. She deserves it,” my mom said and pursed her lips. It was the first time that I saw my mom angry like this.
So… She was really dead. A part of me was not satisfied with what happened to her. I preferred her to suffer inside the jail. Sudden death was too easy for her. Being miserable inside the cell with a life sentence was what she deserved. But she was already dead. Still… It was good riddance, after all.
***
I spent a few days in the hospital. I was restless for those days. Nicholai was still not waking up. I was guilty of what happened to him. If he hadn’t been there that day, he would have been safe and not like today, who was still unconscious.
My leg was okay, and I could walk already. I visited Philip. I felt relieved because he was doing fine. His parents were there, and I felt ashamed because it was my fault that Philip got hospitalized. I couldn't stand the look of his mother. Her stares were telling me that I was not good for her son. The doctor said that Philip just needed some rest, so I left him right away.
I didn’t know why my feet took me to the ICU where Nicholai was confined. I didn’t know why, but my heart suddenly constricted while looking at him.
I knew that he had done many awful things to me, but I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.
No one was around at the moment, so I decided to visit him inside the ICU.
I was just looking at him for some time. I haven’t stared at his face for some time now. I chuckled a bit. Nicholai’s face was kind-hearted while he was asleep. But he looked ruthless when he was awake.
“Hey. You better wake up. You want me to forgive you, don't you? Then you must wake up and live. ” I didn’t know why I said that. I just felt like I needed to tell him that.
My eyes widened when I saw his finger move. I suddenly felt relieved. Did he hear me? Would he wake up? I hoped he would wake up. But then I panicked when I heard the beeping sound of the vital sign monitor of Nicholai.
I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly my hands trembled. The machine kept on beeping. The doctors came rushing in along with the nurses. I backed away at the end as my chest throbbed, staring at Nicholai. The doctors and nurses were trying to stabilize Nicholai’s vital signs. His heartbeat was beating too fast compared to the regular beating of the heart.
I gasped and covered my mouth when suddenly his heartbeat on the monitor became a line. My tears were falling as I looked at the doctor and nurses trying to revive Nicholai.