XANDRY
Have you seen your life before your eyes? It’s a phenomenon even scientists believed that your life history flashed before your eyes in your near-death experienced, but I was not dying. Far from it, as far as I knew. The moment I saw my baby inside the transport incubator, everything flashed back like a black and white movie.
My legs weakened as I reluctantly walked toward the glass window of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. It was overwhelming, yet terrifying. Overwhelming that I was a dad. I couldn’t wait to touch her, to cuddle her, hear her first cry, change her diaper, feed her, watch over her all night till she fell asleep. A lot of things came into my mind—protective instinct was one of them, scaring boys away, purchasing shotgun—scratched that—hiring a bodyguard was less brutish.
Hell, it’s terrifying. I raked my trembling fingers through my hair, then rubbed my palms to my face—my wet face. Xandry fucking Williams was a crybaby—who cares! I should probably stop cursing for good. And how was I going to be a better dad if I didn’t even know myself if I was a better person in the first place?
“Congratulations, Son! You’re a dad.” Dad enthusiastically slapped my back and gripped my shoulder with a shake.
“Oh, brother, are you crying?” Saph laughed, shaking her head with amusement. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheek. “I’m so proud of you—not from knocking-up someone, but for standing at what you believe. Lately, you’ve just proven how big guy and responsible you are, twinnie. I’m happy for you.”
All I did was nodded at Saph while biting my lip as my emotions swamped over me— those feelings that warmed your heart and at the same time, clenched your stomach kind of way. I continued staring at the unit, to my baby in particular where her tiny space was at the center.
A female petite doctor with a white medical coat walked inside from an adjacent room, then she talked with the nurse wearing a flowery scrub suit with a maroon stethoscope around her neck.
A moment later, the door from our right swung open. Muffled noises of machines and from the staff erupted. The petite doctor walked out with a wide and warm smile on her face. “Mr. Williams, congratulations!” She extended her hand, and I gripped it for a handshake.
“Thank you, Dr.—” Her name was written on the left side of her coat. “Li. Is there any chance I can see my baby?” I hesitated, “and the mother?”
“I wanna see her, too, Xandry,” Saph interrupted.
My parents moved closer. “We really wanna see them,” Mom said excitedly.
“The mother’s doctor might explain to you her condition and she’s still under closed observation, and as for the baby, Mr. Williams is allowed for a few minutes and he has to wear a gown to get inside,” Dr. Li explained, and we agreed in unison, except for Saph who sighed in dismay.
“Sure, you can go ahead and see your child, son.” Dad gripped my shoulder.
“Am I allowed to take a picture of her?” I was even smiling at the doctor. I couldn’t wait to capture every moment of my kid. My heart pounded faster in anticipation.
I followed what they called the policies and procedures. I would do anything just to take a glimpse of her. The smell of clean and disinfectant hung thickly in the air. My heart nearly stopped the moment I looked down at her. She was so tiny, wrinkled and dark pink skin, and with a light short blonde hair. Her eyes were closed, but there were tubes, cords, and many things attached to her. It almost scared me if this wasn’t good for her.
“Hey, baby Sammer. It’s your daddy.” A light warm chuckle rumbled in my chest calling myself a dad. “I can’t wait to hold you, hug you, and kiss you, you know?” My voice sounded muffled with the mask I wore.
My eyes stung with tears welled in the back of my eyelids, I sniffed. “I can’t wait for you to be in my arms, Sammer. Daddy and mommy love you. Your Grandy, Gramma, and Auntie Saph say hello and they can’t wait to see you, too.” I stared down at her, wondering if she heard me and silently thanking God for giving me such a wonderful blessing.
I showed the pictures and a video for my parents. And they ooh and ahh in amazement. I was lucky that my parents and Saph were still here supporting me despite I was nothing but a disappointment. It lessened my worry about how I might handle everything if Sunshine and Sammer were going home. Sunshine and I already planned everything together. Sammer’s things and room were readied last week as the doctor warned us in advance that Sunshine might have early labor.
Sunshine’s blood pressure shot up during the operation. Thankfully, there had been no other complication so far. Anytime from now, she was going to wake up when the drug washed out of her system.
Honestly, I hated hospitals. It made me sick, besides the fact that most people came when they were sick and the last time I visited a hospital was to fix my broken nose. It reminded me of how awful I was that day. But seeing Sunshine suffered and sacrificed a lot for our child made me want to be in her place. I cared a lot for her. That was the truth.
I sat down on the chair beside Sunshine’s bed. She lied down peacefully like she hadn’t been fighting for her life a few hours ago. The machine that helped her breathe was off of her, but there were still cords and a probe attached. Color started to appear on her cheeks.
“Hey, Sunshine, guess what? Our baby is great and she is perfect. She got our hair, you know. I don’t know if she looks like you or me, but nonetheless, she’s beautiful. It’s kinda hard to tell, but it doesn’t matter, right? What’s important is you’re both safe.” I let out a sigh of relief, gripping her slightly cold hand.
“Thank you for giving Sammer into my life. I know thank you isn’t enough, but still, I’m saying thank you.” I chuckled. “I know I’m babbling, I-I just can’t believe that we are parents. So, get well soon, Shine. I can’t wait for you to see our child. She’s so beautiful, just like you.” I stood up and leaned to kiss her forehead.
***
“Hey, Xandry. I heard about Sunshine. How’s she?” I answered a call from Cam as soon as I walked out of the hospital. I guessed Saph had already spread the news to everyone.
Blaine.
Fuck!
I completely forgot I was keeping Blaine on hold when Sunshine called and it was already morning. I hadn’t gotten asleep for more than twenty-four hours. I stayed in the hospital no matter how much my parents and Saph forced me to go home to get some sleep. But I was stubborn as hell to leave even I knew they weren’t going home soon.
“Cam, it was so sudden, but Sunshine is recovering. My baby is still in the NICU and might stay there for a while.”
“Congrats, Daddy Xandry!” she gushed.
“Yeah, thanks, can you believe that? Your fiancé is so slow. Look at me now, I’m a dad and he isn’t.” I laughed, unlocking my car.
“I heard that, bitch!” Pyke yelled, laughing. “Congrats, Daddy-ho!”
I groaned. “Stop calling me that, asshole. You know I’ve changed already, and I don’t want my kid will learn her first word from you.”
“When can we visit them?” Camila was back on the phone, but Pyke was still laughing in the background.
“It’s not a visiting hour at this moment. How about when they’re discharged from the hospital.”
“I hate hospital, Xandry, but I wanna see your kid,” Pyke said.
“I hated it too, but it’s my kid we’re talking about, Pyke. And you don’t know the feeling.” I laughed at the end.
“Keep us updated. If you need help or anything we’re here for you, you know that right?” Cam said, and I smiled alone inside my car. She had a huge heart and Pyke was so damned lucky to have her.
“Thanks, Cam! It means a lot to me. So, is that means you’re going to help me babysit my baby?”
She laughed—a rich laugh. “Of course, if I don’t have work. I and Pyke will help you with that.”
“More like you’ll use my kid to practice diaper changing, mixing formula, is that all?” I joked.
She laughed again. God, this woman was ecstatic and free-spirited. “Yeah, something like that, if you will let me. Just kidding, Xandry, but I’m serious, if you need us, we’re here for you. Anyway, I gotta go. Blaine is landing soon, and I got to pick her up at the airport.”
Shit! My mouth gaped, but I managed to shut it close quickly. My chest tightened as if something inside me might crash.
I cleared my throat. “Um, Cam?”
“Yeah,” she answered almost immediately.
“Can I pick her up instead?” I closed my eyes and prepared for her rant but it didn’t happen.
“Thought you’d never ask.” I could feel the grin in her voice.
“Thank you.”
***
Fuck. Me.
She just damn knocked off me of my feet. She was beautiful than ever. My heart did an erratic beat, and I thought it leaped out of my ribcage, making me hard to breathe.
My mouth fell open. She hadn’t seen me yet. Her hair was a little messy and shortened just above her shoulders. Her face was slightly pale, but she was still the gorgeous human being I’ve ever met.
It’s because you’re in love with her, asshole. Words echoed from my little foggy mind.
She wore a white shirt—a tight shirt and nobody would’ve ever thought there was once a human being inside her flat stomach. And kill me if her blue ripped jeans were not perfect for her. It made her legs looked toned and long.
She’s just gorgeous. Period.
Then, she met my gaze. She looked shocked as I was—abruptly stopped mid-stride. My brows joined together as I admiringly stared at her eyes longer, but they were red, and her nose as well.
Shit!
Did she cry after we talked over the phone?