BLAINE
Saph parked her car in the parking area of the Williams’ building. She said this was bought by her dad, Phoenix when he found out Sam, her mother was staying in this building during their breakup.
I wasn’t in the right mind agreeing to Saph or maybe I was, but I was dying of finding out what was going on with Xandry.
“I already talked to the doorman and Jun is expecting you. As much as I wanted to come with you, I have a meeting in less than an hour. You’ll be fine, Blaine.” She kissed my cheek.
I nodded. “Thanks for helping me, Saph, or are you doing this for your brother’s sake?”
She frowned. “You are my friend, Blaine, and I care about you too.”
“I should really go and I have to go back before my son will find out I’m gone.” I kissed her cheek and got out of her car. I was approached immediately by the doorman in a dark blue uniform.
“Ms. Harris?” The bald thin old man asked politely.
“Yes, it’s me, and you must be Jun.” I smiled, and he nodded.
“Yes, Ms. Harris, Ms. Williams called up earlier to give you assistance to her brother’s apartment.” He pressed some keys on the security system must be the private elevator. Then the door slid open.
“The elevator will stop on the eleventh floor. Mr. Williams’ apartment is at 11-B. Have a great day, Ms. Harris!” Jun pressed the number eleven button then stepped out.
My breathing quickened as soon as the door closed in front of me. My heartbeat thudded violently when the elevator lifted up with a light humming. The new song from the pop artist with big boobs and big butt played, though I was not into pop, it made me relax a little bit.
I was mentally counting as the number button lit up. Eight. Nine. Ten, then my breathing stopped.
Eleven.
Ding!
I walked out with wobbly legs like gummy worms under the sun. I instantly saw his apartment and I’ve never been so nervous that my underarms were dripping with sweat. I licked my lips repeatedly as I stopped in front of his thick wooden door with its number engraved against the golden plate.
I reluctantly raised my hand. One deep breathed, I pressed it and heard the faintly default doorbell sound. I rolled my eyes.
Seriously, Xandry?
A small hope crawled up my skin, and I couldn’t help but smile that I was going to see him again and finally to clear things between us.
And I was caught off guard. Shocked.
Dumbfounded. That made me frozen in my place. My world spun around me, then suddenly stopped before I’d lost my balance.
“You must be Blaine.” The woman around my age smiled at me—a genuine but shy smile. We’ve got the same natural blonde hair, blue eyes—hers were sky blue, same height, skin paler than my tanned one, bigger than me—I mean yeah, definitely bigger than me on her abdomen part. She’s pregnant. Just like Bianca or maybe my sister was a month ahead of her.
Bewilderment stirred through me. Fear shot me right into my head. Arrow pulled straight to my heart—my instant broken heart.
My mouth gaped, questions forcibly stocked into my brain.
I blinked.
She was pregnant.
At Xandry’s apartment.
“Um, I must knock at the wrong door. Sorry, I’m kinda hard at reading numbers,” I lied because there was no way I was going to stay here long enough, “so, um-”
“You knocked on the right door. You came to see Xandry Williams, right?” She opened the door wider, then smiled politely.
“Um, yeah, but I uh, I changed my mind.” My chest constricted. I didn’t have to be Einstein to get what was going on. This what exactly Saph was saying to understand her brother.
“Please, come in, Blaine.” She gestured.
My eyes widened, realizing she called me by my name. Again. “How did you know my name?”
She nervously chuckled. “Let’s get inside then. I promise I’m harmless and it’s obvious in my state that I can’t harm a fly. I know you have questions—a lot of questions, but Xandry is still having trouble finding his courage to tell you. He was afraid that you might end up things with him and he’s not ready to lose you.”
“What are you saying? Why are you saying this to me? Who are you? Are you—”
“I’m Sunshine.” She walked toward the elegant couch that might cost my Queen. “You can ask me anything.”
Oh, what a name?
“Why would I ask you? And why would I even trust your answer when clearly you are the reason why Xandry shut me out?” I knew I was bitchy and mean. I was just finding this conversation preposterous and awkward.
“So, you know all about this?” She motioned to her big baby bump, but there was something wrong with her. She was catching her breath, pale, and looked bloated compared to B. And I was not like her when I was pregnant. I was a little thin because of my terrible morning sickness that lasted longer than normal.
She is sick.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry for bothering you.” I turned to walk away from her. I blinked to hold back the tears that threatened to fall, but the more I did, the tears already fell down my face.
“Just let me explain, Blaine!”
I stopped and turned around. “You don’t have to. I was in your place once and I know the feeling, Sunshine. I really do. Please, don’t tell him that I was here.” I barely saw her walking toward me.
“I won’t.”
“But?”
“If you will listen to me first.”
***
I was crying the whole time she explained her situation—crying for her suffering and sacrifices, for my pain, for Xandry who somehow learned something from me—for being brave and took his own responsibilities without a second thought.
My past life sardonically laughed at me like a villain—how I suffered from the people’s scrutinizing eyes, for my pregnancy, for my boyfriend left me leaving without a trace, but I still considered myself lucky because I had a family and friends by my side when I stumbled and fell—unlike her.
She didn’t much have of a choice. It hurt me of losing Xandry, but I wouldn’t let myself interfere with his life now he had more priorities than our relationship. I was proud of him though, but I was broken inside as well.
Sunshine was a brave woman and somehow, I saw myself in her and there was no way I would ever get in the middle of their lives. I was there once, and it hurt like hell to take care of a child without a partner to hang on. I was not selfish enough to let her baby took the same path as Ben—growing up without a father.
“Sweetheart, is that you? Blaine, talk to me, sweetheart, please? I’m sorry for not calling you and replying to your messages. I know I was an asshole, a coward, and—”
“Xandry, let’s end this.” I bit back the excruciating pain in my heart. I readied a box of tissue in my bed because I knew I needed it.
“Sweetheart, I’m coming this weekend, okay? And I beg you to trust me on this.”
“Please, don’t. I know...” I breathed, closing my eyes not to be emotionally wrecked, were in fact, I already was. “I know the sex was good. You’re a good person too, Xandry. Believe me, you are, but I can’t be with you when you’re far from me. A long-distance relationship doesn’t work for me, for us.” I lied. “And I have needs and you have, too, and I only see you every weekend. And it was not enough for me, Xandry.” I sounded like a slut, but I didn’t care and I couldn’t tell him the real reasons.
“My love, please don’t do this to me. Not now, sweetheart. We can figure this out together. We are one—”
“But it doesn’t look like that, Xandry. For weeks! For goddamn weeks you gave me a silent treatment, kept me in the dark and you didn’t damn care about my feelings!” I shouted, throwing my free hand in the air and poured all my anger out on him.
“I know, I know.” Xandry seemed struggling to find his words, and I knew how difficult this was for us but I made my decisions.
We are over.
“Oh, you do?” I asked sarcastically.
“It’s just, something came up and I needed to figure things first and—”
“And it’s over, Xandry. Thank you for everything though. I just want you to know that everything I felt for you was real.”
“Let’s talk about all of these when I see you on Saturday, Blaine, and not over the fucking phone! Have mercy on me, please?” Mercy? Fudge that mercy! He didn’t even have the guts to tell me because he thought I wouldn’t understand him.
How wonderful!
“Don’t go there. I moved away and I’m not gonna see you again.”
“Fuck!” he erupted, labored breathing roared through the other line, then followed by clattering. Xandry must break or throw something. He was mad, and I was silently shaking, trying hard to hold my scream of anger, frustration, and pain.
“Is this because...” He must be grinding his teeth. “Because of?”
I waited.
“Because of...of I’m gonna be a dad?”
“Goodbye, Xandry.”