Stupid excuse (31)
Jake
“What?” Grace asked me. Her eyes rose higher in a shock.
“You want me to become your submissive?” She asked in disbelief. She shook her head slightly at my words, probably thinking where this was coming from.
I didn't answer her right away. Instead, I just crossed my arms around my chest and waited for her to wrap her mind around the idea. When she didn't say anything and just stared right back at me then I walked over to the couch and sat down.
I rubbed the back of my head.
“Just for one night. Don't worry. I'll pay you for your services.” I said softly. A hint of hurt flashed in her eyes. She became stiff. She crossed her arms and looked me dead in the eyes.
“No.” She said. Cut and clear.
“Why not?” I asked her.
“What is wrong with you, Jake? Where did this even come from? Why do you want me to have sex with you?” She asked. Her eyes turned wet. She sat down on the sofa.
“I didn't expect this from you.” She said softly. I walked up to her side of the sofa and kneeled in front of her. I took her hands in mine.
“You're getting it all wrong. I just — I want for once — ah! Do you hate me Grace?” I asked her. Without realizing what I was doing, I squeezed her hands, hard.
“Am I that unlikable?” I asked her. My voice came out hoarse. I feel like I was being strangled by my emotions that I was so good at suppressing before.
Closing my eyes, I thought that she would give me the exact opposite answer that I'm expecting.
I felt a hand on my cheek. My eyes fluttered open.
“No. You're not that unlikable. Just a little.” She said. Her one lip tucked up at the corners, teasing. She gathered a deep breath and let it out.
“Fine. But you won't pay me.” She said and smiled lovingly at me. Still stroking my cheek. I leaned in her touch. I grabbed her soft hand that was on my cheek and without thinking, I gave a feather-like kiss. I heard her catch her breath. Then I looked into her eyes. She was staring right back at me. I stood up and closed space between us. When our face was inches away, I murmured, “Close your eyes.”
I saw her eyes fluttering close. I kissed her cheek.
“Keep them close. Do you trust me?” I asked her.
“No.” She said in a playful but heavy tone. I smiled at her even though she didn't see it.
“Good.” I said. With that, I picked her up in a bridal style and took her into her bedroom.
Gently, I laid her down on her back. I took out my handkerchief and used it to blindfold her. She felt the fabric and tried to touch it but I stopped her. I took out her both hands and brought them together and tied it with my belt to the bedpost.
I don't know why but I felt her stiffened. I leaned down and kissed her neck. Her posture didn't relax. I leaned down and when I was a breath apart from her lips she spoke.
“Why are you doing this? Why do suddenly wants me to have sex with you?” She asked. I couldn't help but put my head on her shoulder.
“You always work for the pleasure of other people. Nobody cares about you. I just wanted you to… I just wanted you to be the one who takes pleasure instead of giving it to someone. For once, just for once… with Me.” I explained and reached up to take her blindfold off. When she looked at me, it was different.
She looked up and tapped her bound hand. I took my belt out and freed her hands. She sat up and stared at my face for a whole minute.
“What happened?” She asked, finally speaking. My own feelings were conflicted. I didn't know how to explain about how I was feeling.
“What's this sudden change is about, Jake? Tell me.” She asked. I decided to tell her what I was feeling honestly.
“Earlier, when I yelled at you and you got mad. I replayed our every interaction between us. Especially our first interaction at your working place.” I scratched the back of my head.
“I felt guilty. And I, God! I don't know why but suddenly I wanted you. But I knew that it was always you working for others' needs but yours. And suddenly, I wanted to be the one to make you feel good.” I said. I knew I was not making sense but I couldn't help the way I felt. I grabbed her hands.
“Not just physically but also emotionally.” I said. Fucking hell. What is wrong with me? I've never felt like an idiot like this before. What's wrong with me?
Abruptly, I stood up.
“You should go to sleep.” I said.
“Wait, Jake, I -” Grace started to speak but I stopped her.
“No. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. You should go to sleep. I'll sleep on the couch.” I said and with that I left Grace in her room and my stupid explanation with her.
I jumped on the sofa. Clutching my head in my hands, I cursed. I couldn't help but feel stupid. I don't know what came into me to do what I never will.
What was done, what was done. I can't change anything about it.
Without giving any thought about it further, I lied on the sofa and got comfortable. When I was about to fall asleep, I heard Grace's bedroom open. I pretended to sleep. I heard her footsteps coming closer to me but I didn't move. She came in closer and I felt my head pushed up. She stuffed a pillow behind my head. Then I heard a 'whoosh' sound and I felt myself engulfed in warmth.
The blanket she engulfed me with, was soft. She brushed my hair back and stroked it a bit longer. After that, I felt her standing up and leaving. And I felt my lips forming into a wide smile.
I was feeling happy even when I made a fool of myself.
Next day, I was awake earlier than her. So I made her breakfast and left a note.