I paced the waiting room, biting on my nails and shaking my trembling hands, trying to get rid off my nerves. The guys were sitting there, they insisted on accompanying me wait and Zac's parents helped us out on filling in the form. The panic kicked in while we were tailing the ambulance. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God." I chanted under my breath as tears sprung into my eyes, gathering at the back of my eyes and some escaped. I think I was in the brink of having an anxiety attack if not already having one.
"Hey," Zac whispered as he huggged me, stopping me from pacing. He shushed me and whispered soothing things in my ear. "Shh, she'll be okay. Everything will be okay." I tried to find comfort behind his words but I couldn't think past the fog of my panic state. I looked up to catch his eyes and my lips trembled at how warm they look and yet they're full of sorrow. I quickly tried to hide my vulnerability and just hid my face in his chest, wrapping my hands around his waist.
"She has to be okay, she has to. She's everything I've got. I can't loose her." I mumbled into the fabric and somehow he heard me. "And she will. She will be fine. You won't have to loose her, Ky." He whispered into my ear and after I was silent for a couple of minutes, he led me to a seat and sat beside me.
Around a few hours after that, the boys offered to get something to eat and when they got back, the doctor came in after them, causing all of us to crowd in front of him and he stepped back at the sudden assault.
He cleared his throat and pulled his collar away from his neck. "Okay, so- uh, the good news is that she's awake but the bad news overcomes that good news." We sucked in our breath and waited for the doctor to finish his testament. "The grave news is that we have come to the conclusion that your friend has acute myeloid leukemia. This happens when primitive blood-forming cells called myeloblasts reproduce without developing into normal blood cells. Immature myeloblasts crowd the bone marrow and interfere with the production of normal blood cells. This leads to anemia, a condition in which a person does not have enough red blood cells. It can also lead to bleeding and bruising and frequent infections."
I stopped listening the second he said leukemia and just stared numbly at him. "You can see her if you want but please do not overwhelm her. She's not stable yet. She will have to stay in the hospital for extra medical care and I get that her parents will be here soon?" I nodded numbly and followed him with the rest of the guys.
I twisted the knob and pushed it open. When I enter the room, the hospital smell flooded my senses even heavier than before and there, on the hospital bed, I saw Irene looking as pale as ever. I rushed towards her and hugged her tightly, there was no words exchanged between us, we just knew what the other was going to say so we didn't bother saying it aloud. We just held each other and pour our hearts out through tears.
So let me explain, ages ago when we were 13, we always thought about the future. It wasn't only the business, companies, jobs future but also the afterlife, death future. We always imagined what it would be like if one of us would pass and the other would be left here alone. You only get one parabatai after all.
Once, she cried onto my shoulder when she was staying over until her parents would close the shop nearby, she told me that I shouldn't leave her anytime soon and of course I told her the same thing. I don't know what led us into thinking about deaths and all that. Maybe it was because of the news on the TV we discussed about or maybe it was because of the weird dreams we randomly dreamt about at night but that night she was so emotional, she cried and I held her telling her I'm not going anywhere without her.
When we finished crying, I played with her fingers, "What does it feel like?" I asked out of the blue. "Nothing, actually. It just sort of hit you when you least expect it," she scrunched up her face slightly, "that reminds me, what happened?" Kylie seemed confused, "You mean you don't remember?"
I could tell she was about to shake her head but a knock came from the door stopped her and that's when I realized the boys weren't in the room with us. "Can I come in?" Vince voice called out from behind the door. I walked to the door and opened it for him. "Come right in." I didn't want to leave Irene but I thought about it and told her I'll be outside, giving them some privacy and closed the door.
Irene's POV
Vince walked towards the seat that Kylie sat on. He took a seat and just stared at the floor. The silence was starting to irritate me so I cleared my throat and tried to strike up a conversation. "So, what happened after you offered me the tissue?" I asked him, I really am curious as to what happened. I just remembered that before blacking out.
"Well, after you blacked out, I caught you before you hit the floor and called the guys out. Matt ran to get Kylie and Zac who went to tuck Benny in his room and Julian went to call the ambulance while Ray accompanied me." He said all in one breath and inhaled deeply after.
I shook my head and laughed, "I must've caused a serious panic there." I mused to myself, not expecting an answer. "Well, yeah. I'm pretty sure if you just pass out of nowhere with a nosebleed while looking as pale as a corpse, people will start worrying," Vince ranted and I shushed him by pressing my finger to his lips. "I guess you've got a point." I mumble and he nodded in response, still silent.
I sighed and took my finger off his lips and slumped onto the bed. "So what are you going to do now?" Vince asked me. It's a good question that I don't know how to answer. "What's there left to do?" I asked, shrugging my shoulder. Cancer isn't some guy you can punch repeatedly in the face or something a knife can stab repeatedly until it dies of too much blood and pain.
"Don't say that," Vince whispered, "You'll win this battle, Ay. You have to. For yourself, for Kylie, for us- for me." I could feel my eyes widen in astonishment. I know I'm fond of Vince more than the others, otherwise I wouldn't have got the balls to beat him up like that, but I didn't know he was this fond of me.
"Please don't give up. Keep fighting it with those smiles and laughs. We'll be here for you anytime you need us," he told me while gripping my hand tightly in his. "Please," he whispered so softly I wouldn't be able to hear it if this room wasn't so quiet. He leant forward and pressed his lips on my forehead, leaving it there for longer than necessary but I wasn't complaining.
He pulled back and I could still feel his lips on my forehead, the softness of it, not letting me forget it anytime soon as my forehead tingled where he kissed it. I smiled meekly at him and he blushed slightly, coughing awkwardly before telling me he'll be back in the morning.
I nodded mutely at that, feeling my heart dip a bit but managed to put on a smile for him. The minute the door closed, I was left alone with my thoughts.
Okay, I suppose I'm gonna fight cancer. How the hell am I supposed to do that?
In that moment, I finally found out how it felt to be someone who found out they have cancer. So confused, so lost and so vulnerable. I decided that I didn't like that feeling so I chose to ignore it. But it wasn't that easy with the fact that I'm going to be stuck in this white hole for days.
I sighed tiredly and just slumped back on the bed. I guess I'll just figure out in the morning.