I wanted to leave as soon as possible. I looked to check if he had followed me like last time, but there was no one. I had spent the whole day waiting for him, even when I knew, he wasn't coming. I refused to go anywhere and waited. Did I really bring this upon myself? The hopelessness was creeping in, denial not so far from me, before acceptance befriended me. It wasn't something I had control of.
"If you want him back, you have to follow their rules, that's the only way." Kuku had told me.
The following day I woke up earlier than usual but the King's guards came to get me only when the sun was way over our heads. I wore a black zephyr to symbolise the dark clouds and undid the Mukule in my hair. I had removed my bangles for the ritual, bare footed, a clay pot with water in it, a flywhisk and walked with the guards and my handmaiden to the arena.
It was at the river that was almost drying up, the crowd had already come in numbers for the ritual but also to see the Oracle who had dared marry the Prince. News had travelled and had reached both Seke and Letuyako. Everyone was invited, only women on menstruation were not allowed as those were unclean.
I was taken to greet the King and the Queen who I made obeisance to. Prince Sepo sat on a bench with the other Princes and avoided eye contact like I was a plague, which didn't go unnoticed by Princess Mokomena.
She grinned at my misfortune.
I went to the river banks and the men from the Oracle's shrine started beating the drums.
laying my pot on the ground, I took the flywhisk and dipped it in the water, I swept my right arm with the flywhisk, did the same to the other arm. I dipped the flywhisk in the water again and sprinkled the water to the four Cardinal points symbolising sharing the rain.
I chanted:
" god of my ancestors, open your heavens and pour down rain to us. I offer myself as sacrifice for your people, let they not suffer for my deeds"
I followed the rhythm of the drums as I swayed my body to the sides, hands and eyes raised to the heavens. I was sweating profusely. I circled the pot and emptied the water on my head making a puddle.
I took the mud and threw it at the people, the courtiers and the royal family, cleansing the land. I met Prince Sepo's eyes. He averted his eyes first.
The chanting continued:
" I will carry out your wishes for your people, god of my ancestors, pull and open your clouds and give us rains. We are creatures who can do no more at anytime when we have reached our limit. The effort is what gives us hope"
The sun disappeared swiftly, and a cool breeze swept the arena. The beat of the drums intensified and dark clouds appeared.
The heavens finally opened as a pitter patter sounds threatened the sound of the drums. The cloud rumbled, and the crowd cheered and danced to the beat of the drums happily. I took my clay pot and the flywhisk. Namakau covered me with a cloak, making obeisance to the King and Queen again, I walked away.
It is said that acceptance is a gift which belongs only to those who know they have no strength to change circumstances they can not control and so an essential part of strength is purpose. My own eyes sting to the hate of my beloved Prince Sepo but I can do no more than accepting my situation. It was imperative to my growth as a woman who was no longer royalty to accept my inequities because no one was going to address those for me.
I was alone.
I felt alone, deserted...
The next months will be spent moving around the villages healing people. The less time I can spend awake looking at the hatred my husband had for me unintentionally, the better.
I was on my way to collect herbs in the forest. I carried my animal skin bag and the stuff that Lobe had made for me when I met Princess Mokomena.
It has been a year and three months since the rain making ritual. I had seen her three times after that.
The King had personally striped me of the title of wife, without any objections from Prince Sepo. He had worked hard to avoid me and I helped him too without him knowing and so it had to be months since we talked.
" Where is our concubine going?"
" I have no time for a witch...You are beneath me" I said moving on. Princess Mokomena and I had been through this everytime we met, it was beginning to bore me.
She blocked my way, like always.
" Am not a witch, concubine." She hissed
"If you keep a witch by your side, you are a witch, Do you think, you will be here when Prince Sepo or the King and Queen finds out you bewitched their son to get married to him?"
"You will shut your mouth" She said through clenched teeth.
"Why?Why should I? because you are scared?get out of my way and remember, you are here because I want you here".
I pushed her away, only because she let me and I heard a heavy thud, behind me and knew why. She was sprawled on the floor and that's how Prince Sepo found her.
"Are you ok?" he asked Princess Mokomena.
" She pushed me, my Prince...The concubine pushed your wife".
"What more damage do you want to do? aren't I enough? he said pushing me to the wall and the pain razed inside me through my heart.
"Look at my size, and look at your gorilla's size...It's not your fault but I know you being stupid right now wasn't part of the curse."
His hands pressed me to the wall even harder at my words.
"Let me go" My eyes started to blur.
I was crying.
He let me go...his hands lingered on my Baki.
He hesitated and looked at me like he had once upon a time, afraid of his own feelings he vigorously pushed me away from him.
" Your witchery won't work on me". he knelt down to help Princess Mokomena up as anguish swelled within me. I choked, tears stun my eyes and I looked away.
" If anyone is a witch here, it's her." I shouted pointing at the human snake, tears running down my face.
" Nyambe give me strength not to show my weakness before these people"
I dried my tears and walked to him.
"I know this is not your fault but, I can't help but hate you too."