I’m speechless. I don’t know what to say to him, but I understand him now—I understand why he’s the way he is. To protect himself.
I hate that he had to go through that. I wish I could do something to help—anything.
“I wish I could tell you that’s the end,” he suddenly says. “I moved out of my parent’s house and avoided everyone. I drank, used drugs, smoked—anything to make me forget.Murphy married Grace and everyone was moving on…except me. It was hard to not hold a grudge against him. I knew he didn’t really do anything, but I wanted revenge and I was out of control at the time. A month passed, but to me, it had felt like only moments.” He clenches his jaw. “One night, I was drunk and probably high, too, and I grabbed my gun. I…” His voice is shaky. “I went up on the roof right across from Murphy’s office…and I shot him.”
What? I want to ask, want to say something, but nothing comes out of my mouth.
“I shot my own brother.” His eyes fill with tears and I can tell he’s trying to fight them off. “I regretted it the moment it happened and I ran out of there as fast as possible; I couldn’t believe what I’d done. I was scared—I didn’t want my brother to die. I didn’t mean to do it, but it was too late.” He pauses again, trying to compose himself. “I went home and went crazy. I destroyed my apartment, broke everything—anything—I could get my hands on. I was so out of control, so scared, but I didn’t mean it. I didn’t want my brother to die.” He gulps. “I went to the hospital after Caroline called me. I felt so guilty being there. Seeing my sister crying Grace…my parents…Murphy didn’t die, he recovered, thankfully. At the time, someone was also stalking Caroline, so when they caught that guy, they assumed he was the one who shot Murphy and they stopped looking.” He looks at me. “You must think I’m a coward…not telling anyone about what I did…I’m a coward, but I didn’t want to be. I went to Murphy and told him everything; he was speechless for a long time, then he hugged me and I broke down. I must have said sorry a thousand times…” he squints, trying to recall the memory.
“I wanted to go to the police and turn myself in, but Murphy wouldn’t let me do it. He told me he forgave me, that he was sorry about Anne.” He chuckles. “I shot him, yes he’s the one that saved me. No one knows about what I did—only him and I. Now you. To this day, I don’t know what happened to Anne. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was married with kids, happy while I’m here, thinking about what she did to me. You know, that’s the worst part. It wasn’t her fault that she loved Murphy. But the least she could have done is saved me the trouble and told me she didn’t love me, so maybe it’s a good thing I never saw her again. I guess I’m still pretty angry.”
I’m angry at her, too. Why would she do all of that all while in love with Evan’s brother? She may not have been the one who told Evans to shoot his brother, but she was the reason Evans was angry at him. All of this is messed up. I want to tell him that I’m sorry, I’m sorry he had to go through that, I’m sorry about everything. But I know he doesn’t want my pity, so I don’t say anything.
“I meant to show up earlier,” he tells me, his tone much softer now. “I sat in my car through the whole ceremony, but I don’t really like weddings anymore…but I knew you were waiting.”
I gulp, my throat thick with emotion. “Thank you for being so considerate.”
He looks at me. “I tell you my darkest secrets and you have nothing to say?”
“I do have one question.” I frown. “Can you help me up? My butt is numb.”
He laughs, standing and offering me his hand. Evans pulls me up. “You’re so cold—why didn’t you say anything?” he asks, taking off his jacket; he puts it on my shoulders and I immediately feel warm. We walk in silence for a while.
“Why did you tell me?” I finally ask him.
He stops walking and looks at me like he’s trying to read my mind, his blue eyes glowing in the dark. He smiles. “Because…” his voice is almost a whisper.
“I think I’m falling in love with you.”