I gaze at my phone's time, then sigh and look up at the ceiling. During my break, all I want to do is doze off. But I do it because I'm too worried about finding out if I'm pregnant.
The atmosphere exudes a sense of suspense akin to that of a terrifying movie. All I want is to know right now. I'm not pregnant and haven't tested. primarily since it's only been a week and I haven't displayed any symptoms. As of yet, I have not puked. Though I suppose I am depending too much on the corny anecdotes, I am aware that not everyone throws up. I had no pregnancy preparation in class. Pregnancy should be covered in a class. such as the actual, psychological material rather than the anatomical stuff. It can't be just me going insane.
I whisper, feeling like crying, "I want to sleep."
I switch on the TV and watch Grey's Anatomy after giving up on trying to fall asleep. Even though I've seen the episodes a million times, I let them play in the background and let them console me. Right on time, at eight o'clock, my phone rang. Evans calls me at this time every morning to ask if I need anything, and I always say no. He tries to help, and I appreciate that even though there is nothing he can do, I ignore him.
I finally went and got out of bed, experiencing some vertigo as I always do when I rise too quickly. I rang the bathroom and cleaned my teeth after the lightheadedness passed, purposefully avoiding my reflection because I knew I looked terrible.
Adam greets and good morning from the living room couch.
I mumbgruntrning."
His eyes are on me. "Are you okay? You seem ill.
Simply worn outdoor doors are being knocked on. Adam calls, "I get it."
I empty some cereal into a bowl, open the refrigerator, and search for milk, only to find none. I look angrily inside the refrigerator.
Adam enters the kitchen, bewildered, and says, "Ciara, someone's here for you." Why do you look so sad?
"Maria!" Through my hazy vision, I catch Evans's stare. In three long strides, he approaches me. He puts his hands on my shoulders and says, "Ciara, what's wrong?"
My tears won't stop.
"Is everything okay? How are you feeling?
"The milk is gone!" When I realize how foolish I sound, I protest and try to calm down.
He gives me a long look. "What?"
I look at my bowl of dry cereal and say again, "There's no milk."
He giggles. "You scared me, Ciara."
"Oh...who is he?" Adam asks from the back.
Evans's expression narrows at Adam as he goes from being amused to furious."I could make the same inquiry."
Adam glances from Evans to me and back again. "Here, I reside."
"What?" Evans scowls me.
I wash my cheeks, sniffing. What? I live with him.
I can smell coffee on his breath as he gets in close to me. I want to cry all over again at that. "I assumed that your roommate was a woman."
"That is not what I said."
"Ciara?" Adam dials. "Is there anything you need?"
Evans draws in a long breath. We met away from us? I have to talk to her about it.
"What the devil do you think you are?" to come to our home and give us commands?
Adam — I chastise him before shaking my head and grabbing Evans's hand out of concern that he could strike Adam. "Let's talk in my room," I said.
Evans nods, and I move into the lead, only to have Adam grasp my arm as I go. "Do you want to spend time alone with him?"
Adam, he's a buddy. Put it out of your mind.
With a glance at Evans, he nods. "I will be here right away."
Evans and I enter my room, and I apologize that it's a little messy. Books and papers were scattered over my desk, an unmade bed, and a filthy stack of clothes on the chair. I mean, the dream is kind of repulsed, too.
Evans scans his surroundings but remains silent.
"Why do you come here?" Asking, yes.
"You ignored my call," I said.
I lie. "I was sleeping."
His eyebrows are raised. "You're lying."
"I'm not, sorry."
He approaches me and says, "You avoid looking at me when you are lying."
I sag. What? Can I refuse to respond to you?
"That is accurate."
Tells who? I put forward a challenge.
* "The contract"
I scoff at that. It's a ridiculous rule. Could it be that I was preoccupied? Could it be that I was sleeping or in class?
It wasn't you.
But suppose I was?
Evans glances at me with amusement as his face relaxes. You signed that contract, Miss Damien, so I don't think I need to remind you of that.
"Alright, I apologize. I simply anticipated your question."
"Oh. And just what is it?" His eyebrows shoot upward.
"You were going to ask if I needed anything."
"Do you?"
"No," I reply while giggling.
His arms are crossed across his chest, causing his muscles to flex at the perfect angles. "Alright? I remember that five minutes ago you were crying because there was no milk.
"You’d get milk for me?"
He gives me an eye roll. "Yes, Ciara, I would."
"I'm touched." Although the sentiment seems sweet to me, my tone is dripping with sarcasm.
"You're more playful than usual."
I scoff. Lately, I haven't been my true self. What am I doing with my life? I have no idea."
Evans squats down in front of me. "How are you feeling?"
"Sick. My usual wake-up time is six in the morning."
He is undecided. Have there been any discharges? Conversely—"
No, everything seems to be going OK. I'm not bleeding or anything, so that's fine, right?
Excusing himself, he takes out a box from his pocket. "I was hoping you take this, but I hope it doesn't make you uncomfortable." With the early detection pregnancy test light in my hands, I turn the package over. It says it's the first response. Yes, you are. "It might not work the first time, the doctor said, but I have to know."
Smiling, I turn to face him.
After a time, he asks, "What?"
None at all. All you want is this, please. I falter. "It is cute."
He lets his throat drop. "Will you please just take it?"
Yes, I reply as I stand up. "Only because you politely inquired, though."
Miss Damien, I'm not sure I enjoy how at ease you seem to be with me.
"Too late!" I chuckle as I enter the restroom.
Once inside, my smile fades as I stare at the pregnancy test. This is it.