Colleen's POV
Jared is still sleeping and I feel happy about doing something for him. It saddens me thinking I won't be able to stay with him for a long time, but I can't just choose my life over my child. Last night was fantastic, although I know that what we did was nothing compared to what other couples do. I can only do it once, even though I still feel how much I want him.
I can't take care of him as a dutiful wife anymore. Everything that I promised myself to do for him was now a promise that has been broken. I couldn't give him a wife that was there for all his needs. Instead, I was a burden that he was carrying already. I heaved a deep sigh after that realization.
"That's too deep," Jared said and opened his eyes. I was startled and I didn't know how long he had been awake. "What is it?" he asked, and I didn't know how I would answer him.
He faced me and capped my face with his hand as he caressed my cheek with his thumb, "Last night was great. If you are thinking that you're lacking, forget it. You're far from that. You are more than enough, especially when you're carrying our baby. Don't think that you are no longer worthy of my wife or you are insufficient to fulfill my needs." he said, and I couldn't help my eyes to water.
"It's just, I told you that I am going to do what a wife should do and yet---" I said, but he interrupted me,
"Shhh," he said as his thumb was now gently rubbing my lips. "You did and every good wife has to do. You even did more. I know that it was hard for you, but still, you wanted me to become a father. You could have chosen your life but you were determined to give our baby a chance to be with us. You are the bravest and dutiful wife I have ever met in my life." he added, and the tears that I was trying to hold on burst like a running stream.
"Stop crying my wife, it's not good for you, please." he said, worriedly. I tried to smile so he wouldn't worry and tried to stop myself from crying. I can't be this emotional. I'm sure he will think about this when he is alone and would probably feel guilty.
"It's because I still want you and yet, I can't have you again." I said, pouting, which caused his chuckle.
"I do too, but I am content with what we can do. Making love is no longer important to me, but you still kiss me and feel this happy." he said and kissed me, "Our first time is the most memorable, but last night was remarkable." he added, and I creased my forehead in confusion. I don't understand why he said that. I mean, what's the difference?
"Our first time was how we started our marriage, last night. That is you, showing how much you love me. That's why it was remarkable. You risk your life for that to happen." he said, "And because of that, I want you to know that I love you so much and I promise you that I will only love you and our baby, forever." I almost cried. I love what I heard but I know that I am going to leave him and I want him to be happy, so he has to find someone who will be staying and will take care of him and our baby in the future.
But, I cannot tell him that. I know how emotional he was now and I don't think it's a good idea to voice it out. "I love you so much, too, remember that." I said instead, with a smile.
He hugged me and I squeezed myself into him. It feels good to be engulfed in his embrace and I will make sure to remember this forever. "Are you not going to work?" I asked him after a few more minutes if we would stay that way. I didn't want him to leave, but, of course, I know that he has some responsibilities to do, as well as, I know how important the company is to him.
"Later after lunch, how am I going to leave you here like this?" he replied and I smiled. My lips were on his chest, so he may have felt it when he said,
"You're smiling, are you happy that I will only leave for work later?"
"I want you to stay here the whole day. I am not going to deny that," I said when I looked up and saw his reaction. He was smiling as if very happy to know that. "But, I know that you needed to go, there were people who depend on you and your company." I added.
"Thank you for being understanding. Just to let you know, I want to be with you all the time too." he replied. "Let's have 10 more minutes like this before we get up and have our breakfast," he added, and I nodded. Then I felt him hug me a little tighter, but not enough to hurt me, it rather made me feel secure and loved.
After lunch, Jared left for his office and I stayed in our bedroom recollecting what had happened last night. I know that it was nothing compared to others, but just as Jared said, that is my love that I conveyed to him and I am glad that he appreciated it.
I decided to watch T.V. When I remembered the news about Stacey and Derrick, I felt relieved that Jared had no lingering feelings towards her. Him telling me that nothing happened to them after we got married made me happy.
The news about Derrick being a corrupt official was all over the news. I thought it was only the scandal between him and Stacey, but it turned out he had some illegal activities as well. Is Jared behind everything? Did he intentionally expose all of this? I couldn't help but feel worried about him. What if Derrick and Stacey found out that he was the one who brought those matters to the media? My heart clenched at the thought that something might happen to him.