My eyes slowly fluttered open, revealing fresh sunlight peaking through thick treetops. It reminded me of home. Home.
Reality came flooding back in, and with it a flash of violent coughing.
I sprang upright and coughed into my stained and tattered black shirt. I felt every muscle clench, revealing pain in different places my mind was blocking out. Dirt and saliva squirted onto my shirt making my stomach unsettled. My lungs felt heavy and burned with each breath and every cough I forced out of them.
Relaxing, I sat back with my weight on my hands, taking slow and easy deep breaths to try and calm myself down. I was suddenly reliving the events of everything that somehow only happened last night. Ethan really did betray the base, his own brother being his melting point. Ethan killed my parents and took their bodies here to scare me, I watched him smile and talk to them before too. Was this always the plan?
I grimaced and looked around. I was surrounded by others laying on decrepit white mats. The smell of blood and charred flesh mixed in the air with the pine trees. It was cold but my body felt hot. It was all so quiet.
All around me I could slowly see the destruction. Trees were dead, their leaves fell into ash below them. Bricks and papers were scattered around and dancing throughout the air were tiny black pieces of ash. The bodies around me seemed to have it worse than I did, irritated brown and red scars covered parts of the skin, sometimes whole areas like half of the body or some laid on their stomachs with their exposed scalded flesh facing the air. I saw some with a bandage around what was left of their leg or arm, horror frozen on their faces.
I shook my head and tried to stand up, crashing onto my kneecaps and harshly gasping. Pain shot up and down my legs and awakened the rest of my sore, pulsating body. I felt it in my back, my hips, my chin, my chest and stomach, the back of my head was rippling with pain. Everywhere was on fire.
People were looking now.
And the thought of them possibly blaming me crossed my mind. They might look at their missing limbs and think about how they'd still be whole if it weren't for my arrival.
Jasmine was right.
Mavis walked through the medical area and froze when she looked at me, no smile or laugh.
"Mavis," I sighed. "Mavis I can't stand up."
She visibly gulped, looking around before making her way to me and sitting down.
"Ayla you are one of the lucky ones, I can't be wasting my time on you." Her eyes were swollen, lined with sunken dark bags. She looked like she'd lost her spark, even her hair wasn't as vibrant in pink. I couldn't help but feel like she was mad at me... which only added to the guilt.
"I..." I shook my head, unsure of what I could possibly say to her to lighten up this situation.
She closed her eyes, her expression falling. She stood up and walked away from me and tended to other rebels who weren't so "lucky" as she put it.
I couldn't stay here. I felt like I could throw up with all these eyes on me.
I slowly stood up again and carefully made my way out of the general area and found paths marked with lanterns. There were tents scattered randomly throughout the trees and I noticed there really wasn't a lot of them, not enough anyway.
I needed to find Jack or Kyle- even Jasmine I couldn't handle being around all this pain and destruction. I needed someone to reassure this wasn't all my fault, to hear some plan that would get us back on our feet.
All around me, flooding in I could hear screams and cries of despair. I could hear weeping and feel heavy grief in the air like a pressure on my chest.. An entire culture was wiped out. Good people were probably dead. People willing to fight against the Insurgence were just... gone. I couldn't even comprehend it.
I dried my eyes and gripped onto the bark of a tree, feeling the rough edges splinter into my palms. Just another twinge of pain in my body. I was struggling to get enough air my chest was staggering up and down and my heart was beating rapidly. My body was filled to the brim with unnatural cold, a wave of nausea in my joints.
People died and it's all my fault. All of this was my fault and I've just let it happen.
Footsteps crunching on the dry leaves and twigs of the forest floor made me turn around, only for me to be sent spiraling to the dirt.
Jasmine had approached me, and smacked me across the face.
"This is all your fault! I knew it... I knew!" Two Insurgents were holding her back and struggling against her. They tried to hold her arms but she quickly snapped away from them, lashing out and pointing at me.
I looked up at her, a permanent scowl plastered all over her. Her lips twitched, her teeth flashing like some animalistic snarl.
She slowly crept forward to me as I tried to get away, "I told them you were too big a risk! Look what you did!" Her voice cracked as she screamed at me. The air around us got colder, a chill ran throughout my whole body.
I felt frozen. I couldn't stand- every small movement made my body ache. I felt all eyes on me. Their whispers were closing in and beckoning.
"This is all your fault!"
I shook my head, "Jack!" I screamed as she broke free, shoving the two Insurgents to the side and standing above me.
"Jasmine stop!"
She flinched and turned around, Kyle and Jack stood on a hill above her, making their way down.
I breathed a sigh of relief... but I don't think it'll last long.
I wanted to say that I was sorry... so incredibly sorry. Nothing would move. I would only sit and watch as the boys came towards us and they didn't look happy.
I couldn't believe it. Everything was truly my fault. These people just lost everything because of me just existing. Some were even dead and it was all because of me. In the worst possible way, I felt valuable. I felt wanted. And I was really regretting wanting to ever feel that way before all this. I got the home I've grown accustomed to completely destroyed.
Jasmine lunged forward but Kyle quickly caught her before she could collide with Jack. She was screaming and writhing within his grasp while his face was blank and lifeless.
"Jasmine stop." Jack nervously looked around at the crowd we had gained.
"All because you have a goddamn crush on her? She got people killed. How long do you think we have til they come after us?" Jasmine was dragged away kicking and screaming. "How long Jackson?" She wailed.
He closed his eyes and turned his face away from her.
"I..." I gulped and looked from Jasmine as she was hauled away to Jack. "Jack I am so sorry."
"It's not your fault." He whispered, "I'm sorry for what I'm about to do."
My lips parted and before I could question it, Jack raised his voice and kept the attention of the stirring crowd.
"Everyone listen up..." He locked eyes with me. "No harm is to come to her but there is something you all should know." He took a deep breath, his chest visibly rising. "Ayla was house and kept here and pursued with such ferocity because... Ayla is the rumored fourth child of Martin Gentry."
Before Jack could even finish his sentence the crowd was already gasping. I looked back and forth all around the circle around us as the crowd began to holler and yell at Jack with questions and threats.
My stomach dropped and I swallowed hot, acidic bile from my empty stomach. I clutched my knees and buried my face into my legs, gasping and flinching as rocks and twigs pelted my body.
I was crying now. No way anyone could hear it over the screaming. I couldn't even hear Jack now. My mind was racing- I didn't even know what to think about what he just said. Obviously he had to be making something up but would he intentionally get all this negative head thrown on me? Is there any possible way that he wasn't lying?
New voices entered my head, telling me horrible things. They told me to die. They blamed me and rightfully so. I didn't know to the extent of what Jack's claim even meant... but I know it just put a target on my back and the people who once swore to protect me were now added to my list of enemies.
And I wondered how they were able to do that if I was just a human and if Jack was the telepath that secured my mind.
I don't know what's real... I don't know what to believe. Did he perhaps just betray me too? Could this have been it all along? All those whispers and vague things some have said that I never understood- how even my father knew of the Insurgence...
But I guess he might not have been my father after all.