Thea’s Point of View
When I opened my eyes, I knew I'd just close them again because I didn't want to face the truth. The world appears to be collapsing around itself. I want to go back to sleep and remember what occurred earlier. That scene is never over. But whatever it was that narrowed my eyes, it felt like an avalanche in my chest.
My eyes were open, but my spirit was still haunted by what had transpired earlier. I was just staring at the ceiling, waiting for something to fall from the sky and hit my head, causing me to comprehend reality. Or maybe I'm just waiting for a rock to fall on my head so that when I wake up, I'll be back in time.
My tears are falling like rain in a storm. Tornadoes and tsunamis are examples of severe weather. My sorrow is how powerful those calamities were. I feel like a kid who has had a treat snatched from me. I feel like a child who was left behind by my parents because I needed to study. My breathing was obstructed by every sob I had. I'm not sure where to go, since every time I sit down, I want to lie down again to rest.
Finally, I did nothing except rising. Before I departed, I took a brief look around and remembered the part where we did that thing. The wounds I left on him will serve as a reminder of how long I've been in his life. When that's gone, I'll just leave it to Heaven to decide. In the end, I knew I made the most of every moment.
It was late at night when I got out of that place. I looked to the side where the taxi was. I spontaneously walked my feet there. I was so thankful that it wasn't locked. And it was like a thorn was pulled out of my chest when I saw my bag there.
“Mommy!”
Just as I closed the door, I heard Cray's voice. Tears condensed at the corners of my eyes. Looking up, I saw him with Megan and Ray. There was a car behind them, and I smiled sadly when I saw Megan crying. She seems to have talked to Craig.
I looked up so that my tears would not continue to fall and wiped away the water that had accumulated. Even though it was dark I knew Cray could still see the redness in my eyes, so I took a few breaths before finally getting close to him.
He immediately hugged me. I returned his hug tightly. I could smell his father's scent on his body. I cried in his arms because of that. I just whimpered and Randle didn’t move, he didn’t ask either.
But that stopped when he pulled something out from behind him. He had a big smile when he released a perfume. I took it from his hand, and I was stunned by Craig’s perfume.
“W-why? Where did you get it?” There were still sobs in the middle of my words, but I wiped away the tears.
“It was given to me by Daddy.” He added, “I'll give it to you because you're probably crying right now.” He replied, “Just smell it because he is still doing something and solving problems, but he will return.” I wasn't sure what he was saying because he didn't state it explicitly, so I was perplexed, but he still brought out a piece of paper.
I read the contents of the paper and embraced Cray again as I read what was written.
“I know I have no right to ask you for this, but please give me some time to sort everything out. I need to solve everything. I'll present you at the altar again.”
Megan and Ray were talking loudly in the car as we were driving. I also laugh when they make a joke. Everything seemed to go smoothly because of the paper Craig gave to me. That was all I wanted: for him to tell me what I should do, so I knew what to anticipate.
I'll wait if he wants me to. I'll leave if he wants me to. Everything he requests that I believe would be beneficial to him, I will provide. What is the point of waiting for a little while? Hopefully, when everything is in order, he will let me learn more about him, and he will allow me to embrace him anytime he bears a big weight. I am willing to help him with any of his difficulties as long as he raises his hand because even though he hasn't done so yet, my hand is already outstretched, waiting for him to accept it.
“I'll leave Cray with you tomorrow, Ava. I'm just going somewhere tomorrow to run an errand," I stopped them off in their chat. She glanced at me. Turstin's cheek was pulled away from her face as Ray wanted to kiss her. My brow wrinkled; we may have had an accident as a result of what he was doing.
“YOU MOTHER FUCKER! LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING, AND YOU MAY SEE HELL AND YOUR FATHER SATAN EARLY!” Megan's shout made me wonder how Ray had come to put up with her. I think this woman acted even more manly than Ray.
I covered Cray's ear in case he found some more words that weren't appropriate for the child. Megan slaps Ray on the arm while the man avoids it. Well, it looks like I will just go to talk to them at the house, and they might not understand what I'm saying right now.
“BABY, ONCE IN A WHILE, BE SWEET WITH YOUR HUSBAND! WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR TWO YEARS, BUT I STILL NEED TO FORCE YOU JUST FOR A KISS.” Ray's words boomed around the vehicle. I then took one of my hands to Ray's ears and placed it in my ear.
“Baby your face! Do I look like a fetus? Do I look like a baby?! Go to church so that you will be scared of what you say! Your daughter will be two years old next month, and you act like that!” Even though Megan says that I can still see her blush. I secretly smiled because I could see Ray had an impact on her.
Even when we arrived at their place, they did not end up joking with each other. I brought Cray with me while I carried the bag. The couple came in first, followed by Cray and me. While strolling, I felt something ring in the bag I was carrying.
This bag also contains my phone. Fortunately, the battery is not yet dead. Cray simply observes what I do. When I pulled out my phone, Craig's name appeared across the screen. My heart rate rose unexpectedly. I answered the phone and passed it to Cray since I wasn't ready to talk to him yet because of what had happened to the two of us earlier.
Cray was confused at what I did, but I softly whispered “daddy.” He put it to his ear and held the phone with both hands.
“Hello.” He said using his tiny voice.
He fell silent, then looked up at me. I raised an eyebrow and squatted to level the height of the two of us. I also pressed my ear to the phone to hear what Craig was saying. I did not speak so that he could not hear me. When I glued my ear to the phone, I touched my lips because of what he asked.
“Where is mommy?” His voice sounded drowsy.
Cray gives me the phone, but I don’t pick it up. I shook my head at him but closed my eyes when he answered. Children don't know how to lie.
“I'm next to her, the phone is also in her ear, but she wants to avoid talking to you.” My eyes widened, and then Cray handed me the phone. I also had no choice but to take that.
“Does your private part still hurt?”
I bit my lip because of his question.
“Y-yeah,” I say, my cheeks burning at his query. Because I'm embarrassed, I want to hurry inside and hide under a blanket.
“Good.”
I was not halted because of what he stated. I grabbed Cray and dashed inside the room. Even though it was difficult, I ascended the steps without hesitation. I even spotted Megan and Ray, who appeared to continue joking until tomorrow because they hadn't stopped yet.
“Thea!” Megan yelled, but I didn't glance back because I didn't want her to notice how my cheek looked like a tomato. Cray was unhappy with how I handled him, but he never complained.
When we went to the room, I locked it because I was afraid Megan or Ray might pop out of nowhere and tempt me with how I looked. I instantly leaned against the door and slipped Cray onto my legs, allowing him to get down and walk. He strolled right up to the bed and appeared to be playing on the side since he couldn't climb. I returned the phone to my ear to speak with his father.
“W-what?” My current demeanor is reminiscent of my adolescence. It felt as if the person I admired was speaking to me, and I was at a loss for words since my heart was racing so quickly.
“Nothing.” He chuckles and looks elated at the effect he’s having on me. Honestly, we didn’t go through Craig’s pace like this when we were still married.
All I almost did back then was suspect him; doubt him. I'm busy finding out what's true. Aside from maybe our communication with each other is lacking, that's also what's missing in our married life—the sweetness. We thought, perhaps, as long as we have feelings for each other, that won’t go away. It was like a fire that was losing its flame, but we did nothing to strengthen that fire. We didn’t explain to each other what was missing, we thought everything was just enough.
I didn't say anything, just smiled, and kept an eye on Cray in case he had something to do when I couldn't see him. My grin can't be removed; it's as if you've already painted it on my face and won't be able to remove it. I simply leaned back and waited to hear what he had to say next. To have certainty, even if this is how we both settle, is delightful. I don't have to worry about tomorrow, and I don't have to overlook the future.
“Do you have something to do tomorrow?” He asked.
Even though he couldn't see me, I shook wildly as if my head could be taken. When I was dizzy from the shake, I caressed my lip. Fortunately, Megan and Ray hadn't heard me say I was going and would leave Cray with them, and they may have asked why that had been canceled.
“No. I have nowhere to go and plan to just stay here at home. Why?” I immediately banged my head because I added, “Why?” It's like I'm expecting something from him to offer me.
“My day is free tomorrow and I have nothing to do. If you allow me, I will take you both to the park, and let's have a picnic.” He fell silent after that. While I was thinking about the possibility of seeing him. “Kids like parks. I am guessing Cray wants that too.” Because of his tone, it was as if I could see him scratching his head.
“How will those who see you? What if you suddenly have an issue because of it? We are not married anymore.” It was as if my heart was pierced with something as I thought about it. “And Felicity is already your fiancée.” I walked over to the bed where Cray was, lay down on the mattress, and raised my hand as if reaching for the ceiling. “I don't want to be the reason you will be ruined again.”
I closed one eye because I seemed to feel drowsy as I laid my back on the soft bed. But my spirit was quickly awakened when someone suddenly pulled my leg. When I looked down, I saw Cray pulling my leg, so he could climb. I just let him. I let go of the phone when he came up, and I clapped for him.
“Good job, my baby!” I took his hand so he could clap too.
“Gush shab!” He laughed, mimicking me. Because of his laughing, he put his palm over his lips. I chuckle at what he does and at his words, which no one understands even somewhat. There are days when his words are clear and days when you feel like you need a translator from another planet simply to comprehend what he's saying.
He also sat next to me and hugged me with his little hands. When he acted like this, he was sleepy, so I patted him. I grabbed up my phone, opened it, and checked to see whether Craig and I were still on the phone, and I noticed that it was 34:00 minutes. I can't believe we've been speaking for so long.
I ran my fingers through Cray's hair to help him sleep. Not only that, but I caress and brush my fingers like this because he will sleep faster every time I am doing this to him. I didn't turn off the air conditioning when I left, so it's still turned on. I'll just give Megan money to compensate her for allowing us to stay with them.
When I noticed that Cray was asleep, I softly whispered to Craig on the other line. “Sorry for that. I put Cray to sleep because it's almost time.” I am still lightly patting his side legs, so he won't wake up.
“Mmmhh.” That’s what he said on the other line and got silent too.
I took my phone out of my ear and checked at the screen to see whether we were still on call, and it was, but why isn't he talking anymore? When I looked up at the top of the phone, it was almost 10 p.m. I waited for another two to five minutes to see if he was sleeping.
He'd already slept off while waiting for me to talk on the other end of the call. My errand will continue tomorrow. I'm not certain if we'll continue to the park tomorrow because I haven't received his response.
I basically gaze at my phone and sometimes let go to look at the ceiling. I could only move my eyes, since moving my body could wake Cray up. I couldn't sleep because I couldn't believe it was all real. I felt it would be better not to sleep because I was frightened that the Craig I was talking to would be gone when I opened my eyes again. Maybe nothing changed when I opened my eyes.
But no matter how hard I fought not to, my eyelids were already shut. They desire to close as if to reassure me that everything was alright and that I just needed to rest. Before eventually falling asleep, I embraced Cray.
And waking up… he is no longer beside me.