Lily
“This was her idea, wasn’t it?”
Lily did not know the name of the wolf that spoke. She tried to focus on his appearance, on his brutish frame and washed-out blue eyes, but he blurred as tears rose, unbidden, to fill her vision.
She’d known today would be hard. Even with Elijah – her sweet, strong, sensitive Elijah – by her side, and even with the bond smoothing over the rough edges of her emotions, the coming full moon brought with it everything she hated about herself.
Here, she wasn’t prepared. Blood Moon had been awful – but her contingency plan had been solid, the shackles in the cellar secured before her first shift. For some reason, she was scared to admit this to Elijah. He’d been open with her about his past, about his fears, but he spoke with an undercurrent of steel that suggested he’d used his weaknesses to make himself impenetrable.
How could she ask for chains to bind herself in? Her old pack had thought her weak. And, though Lily would not budge on the idea, part of her was terrified that Sea Pine – her new pack, her new home – may come to think of her with the same disdain Blood Moon had.
She’d struggled with her circling thoughts all morning. And now –
Elijah stood up. Lily glanced up at him, afraid of what she might see.
His eyes were so dark they looked black. They were a raincloud carrying a storm. The scar down his face made him look savage, a true wolf ready to strike – and ready to protect.
“I do not understand how you came to that conclusion, Warrior Wolf Benest.”
Benest, Lily mentally filled in, trying to remember his name alongside his face. He seemed like a prick.
“As Nethia so kindly pointed out earlier, we have not fought for months. Therefore, Benest,” he said his name with contempt, which Lily had not heard in his voice before, “it seems unlikely that to refrain from fighting this month in particular would have been Lily’s decision.”
Benest opened his mouth to retaliate, but Elijah shot him a look that was pure fire. Though Lily was glad to see him put in his place, her chest ached and her muscles trembled with anxiety. This was exactly what she’d feared.
It was like Benest could sense the weakness on her. She’d made sure to speak little during the meeting, wanting to watch, to use it as an opportunity to understand how everyone in Sea Pine worked together. She was the newcomer; it was not her place to speak on their issues yet.
“Because we have more reason to fight this month,” Bolton cut in.
Elijah rested a heavy, reassuring hand on her thigh. She thought she heard him sigh under his breath, so, just in case he had, she placed a hand over his and squeezed.
“You’ve already said your piece, Bolton.”
“Yeah,” said Caslein, “let someone else get a word in. This isn’t all about you.”
Bolton folded his arms over his chest – making his biceps swell, Lily noted, which made the ache in her chest ease. However he’d intended it, the movement made him look like a toddler. They all had their weaknesses, and hers was easier to bear with Elijah’s warm hand on her thigh.
The meeting came to a close with no other disruptions. Lily’s shoulders fell from their tense line as they left the pack house, everyone spilling out in different directions. She’d been chatting to Caslein about his mother’s market stall when Elijah caught her hand, interlacing his fingers with hers.
“I’m sorry about Bolton and Benest,” he said, and Caslein nodded enthusiastically on her other side.
“They’re just pent up and frustrated they can’t go bully any of the other packs.”
“And jealous Elijah’s found his mate,” Ithia interjected, coming up alongside them smoothly. “They’re both in their twenties and still without one.”
“That’s rich,” said Caslein. Lily knew his comment was going to be snarky; his upper lip curled into a smirk as he spoke. “How old are you, Ith? Coming up to fifty this year, aren’t you?” Looking around dramatically, eyebrows furrowed, he added, “Where is that mate of yours again?”
Ithia just rolled her eyes. “Until you find yours, Cas, your words won’t sting.”
“I’d better get looking, then.”
Elijah snorted. “Just this morning you said you hoped you didn’t find them.”
“That was different.” Caslein glanced at Elijah. “That was this morning. I’m a changed man.”
“In a matter of hours?” Ithia raised her eyebrows at him. Lily struggled to hold in a laugh, following their bickering like an umpire.
It was so unlike anything she’d experienced before. She’d had friends, but they’d depleted in number after her mother’s death until only Rose was left, and even she had stayed at arm’s length. There was a warmth to their snide remarks, one that told of years of close friendship. And, though she remained quiet, for the first time in years Lily no longer felt like an outsider. She felt like she belonged.
Perhaps the full moon wouldn’t be so bad after all. At least, she hoped it wouldn’t be.
But as the day progressed, she found herself falling hopelessly back into melancholy. Elijah was called away by one of his Omegas to check over… something, and though he’d apologised profusely, he’d not asked if she’d wanted to come.
The bond called out for him, and she latched her hands together over her heart. He was an easy distraction, and without him her terror grew thorns. She’d scoured the cabin thrice over in the hopes that Elijah, too, had a secret cellar filled with shackles, but even before she’d started searching she’d known it would be fruitless.
She’d almost worked up the courage to tell him, outright and upfront, when he’d been called away. With nothing but time and space, unbidden images of the damage she could do in her wolf form swirled through her mind. She’d never shifted unchained before – who knew how her inner wolf might react to the sudden freedom?
Tired of pacing around his cabin – their cabin, she corrected, she tucked the key he’d given her into the pocket of her leggings and swept outside.
The spring air was almost hot as the afternoon swelled into early evening. She considered heading towards the market square, eager to see it in action, but her aimless path took her further south than she’d intended. A shadowed grove of pine trees swallowed her, blocking out the golden sun.
Alone in the darkness, her heart latched onto the bond. She could feel its colour: reds and golds intertwined with mossy green and soaring sky blue. It was earth and blood and fire and life itself, and she allowed it to guide her home.
“Lily? I’ve been looking for you,” Elijah said, stepping into the shadows beside her. He folded her into his arms, and she felt the pounding of his heart beneath his shirt. “You weren’t at home.”
“Sorry.” And she was – for worrying him. The bond relaxed at his nearness, retreating to the background as he held her close. “I didn’t mean for you to worry. I should have left a note.”
“No – you don’t need to do that. This is your home now, too; you don’t need my permission to explore it.” He squeezed her, and her heart swelled. “I knew exactly where to find you.”
“Me, too.”
“Walk with me?” he asked. “There’s somewhere I’d like to show you.”