Magnus
I try to focus on the paperwork but I can’t. My hands are shaking and my eyes see red. That woman! I should have followed the elders’ advice. Get a quiet little girl from our pack and name her Luna. That loud American is killing me!
I close my eyes and head to my cabinet. It’s too early for alcohol but then again, dealing with Antiope is not for sober people. She makes me furious, angry, impatient. And hot.
I am constantly aching for her and ever since I got a taste, she is all I can concentrate on. Her body writhing under my command, her soft skin under my touch, her moans in my ears, her lips on mine, her scent, her taste.
Antiope makes me feel like a young wolf again. I am carefree around her, my only worry is how I would be closer to her, inside her. I am gone for my mate. And most of all I am goddessdamn proud.
I could tell she was struggling, her body cannot lie, her wolf is an open book to me. But even so, she is not easily broken. She is still caring for her sister, not one to forget about her people because a freaking male has found her weak spots. She is loyal and a true fighter. What a Luna she would make!
"She is the Luna, our Luna,” Henrar whines.
But I know. As I’ve said before: I fucked up. I cannot keep her here, not anymore. She doesn’t deserve this, doesn’t deserve me. She has a true mate out there, one that won’t have to keep her with a threat over her head, one that would never make her feel like she has to whore herself out for her basic rights. One that she is not constantly afraid of.
"No!” Henrar walks around in my head in anxious circles.
“If we truly feel something for her, we need to let her go,” I down my vodka and pour another.
"No, no. I want her. I need her.”
“Me too, Henrar. Me too.”
I empty another glass and then I sit down at my desk looking at the phone. What I am about to do is hard and will come in costly but it is the right thing to do. I have been alone before. I will manage to be alone again.
"We can’t. I know we can’t,” Henrar is struggling for control.
If I were to let him out now, he would go to her, mark her in that soft spot on her neck that makes her moan and then he would complete the mating, binding her to us with bonds that would kill us if broken. Then she would be a real prisoner.
"But she would be ours. And she would love us.”
“She would hate us, Henrar.”
I may not have any experience on relationships but even I can tell the difference between love and lust. She may want me bad enough to fuck her but she doesn’t love me. And she is right. There is nothing to love. She can have more.
I grab my phone and I dial the number. I shut my eyes as it beeps and all I see is her, her rare smile. After this, she will smile broadly, happily.
“Dear cousin!” The Alpha King is constantly excited.
“I need a favor.”
“Ooh! Interesting. Usually it’s me that owes you. I still do. Are you collecting, cousin? And here I was thinking that you were doing everything out of loyalty to me.”
“Do you ever stop talking? Maybe that’s why people are constantly trying to murder you.”
“Grumpy. I am guessing things are not going well with that little Beta you chose for a mate.”
“About that...” I take in a deep breath. “That’s the favor I am asking.”
***
The Council is in session and I can tell everyone is looking at me worried. I reek of alcohol and Egil is eyeing me furious. I have been down that path before and it was dark for me and the whole pack. But I can’t help the way I am feeling. Empty, void. And that void is nicely filled with vodka.
“Gunnar is quiet, not assaults on our borders,” Torhild reports and I shake my head.
“In your absence, Luna has signed a few deals we need to brief you on-”
I don’t even want to hear about her being my Luna. I haven’t even looked at her since she walked in and took her place by my side. So, I raise my hand and dismiss Inge.
“If Antiope signed, it’s fine by me. Anything else?”
“The Royal Guard has sent their report, Alpha,” Egil coughs to gain my attention over the glass of vodka I am looking down from.
“What?”
“The murder of your cousin? Alexander? You said to keep you posted, Alpha,” he bites down that last word in warning.
“Yeah, yeah,” I drain my glass. “Leave it on my desk. Anything else?”
“Uhm, it’s the monthly inspection of the warriors, Alpha,” Torhild says.
Fuck. All I want to do is lock myself in my office and get shitfaced so maybe I numb this pain inside and keep Henrar from constantly nagging me. But Torhild is anal with these inspections and I don’t need Egil giving me the stinky eye if I postpone this.
“OK, let’s get it over with,” I get up and walk out the Council room.
“What the fuck?” Egil comes up to me in the corridor.
“Watch your mouth Beta when addressing your Alpha,” I warn.
A fight would be so good right now. Blood pumping, agitation poured out. But I know Egil. He won’t challenge me. Maybe I can pretend that I need to inspect my warriors’ state and fight them.
“Don’t give me that, Magnus. I will respect you as Alpha when you respect yourself. And right now? Not so respectful if you ask me.”
“Shut up!” I growl.
“Sure. When you tell me what’s wrong. Does it have to do with the Luna cause-”
“There is no Luna!” I bite down.
Before he gets the chance to bug me, I push him to the wall and storm down the stairs.
Behind me I hear Egil talk to Antiope, probably asking what’s wrong. I can tell him what’s wrong. Everything! Every little fucking thing is wrong in my life. But I can make this right, at least for Antiope. It will be over soon for her.