She was right the very first day she had met Xavier. No, there was absolutely nothing wrong with her discernment, but instead of the warning bells to make her turn the other corner and run back to her perfectly boring life where she had friends who would fight the world for her.
She like every other stupid girl had been enthralled by darkness, like a moth to engulfing fire, she had plunged deeper and deeper into the roller coaster that was Xavier until he had drained her completely and burnt her marking her with his darkness and stripping her of things she didn't even know she had.
She has never felt as alone as she had felt during these few days even when she was the new kid in twelve schools for years shuffling around one foster home to another, not having enough time to make friends, to have a bond with anyone or have anyone to confide in.
Things were much more complex now, difficult. She was not the new Kid but an adult who had responsibilities, a job, things expected of her. And she isn't expected to break down and cry too, she isn't supposed to scream or she'd be termed crazy so she walks her way through life, hiding sleeping bags with concealers and surviving on caffeine because she was always sleepy but unable to sleep, pretending like her life was perfect while she spends her time texting people she knows would never call her back and crying over way too much she has lost.
Her door swung open and she didn't look up, she didn't dare show her tear-streaked face.
It wasn't heels that hit against the tiled floor, it wasn't Jessica. Whoever it was, came closer till she caught a whiff of their fragrance. It was Jared.
"Are you okay?"
She shook her head, even though it was bent ignoring the taunting voice of her conscience that chuckled at her for even attempting lying when she was a trembling mess.
"Maya," he called out again and she could make out the sound of a chair being drawn backward. He was sitting down.
Why can't he leave her alone? Why was he hell-bent on getting her to talk and crumble? Why does he stick around when the person he is sticking around for doesn't want him to?
"I said I'm damn fine," she mumbled yet again, hoping he didn't hear how croaked her voice was.
"Tell me that to my face and I just might believe you."
Her nostril flared in anger and exasperation as she looked up, noting that he already had the blinds drawn. She has certainly not been fooling anyone seeing how prepared he was for the worst.
"I'm fucking fine!" Her voice was raised but she didn't care, she just wanted him to hear her and believe her. And leave her back to the silence that was becoming familiar to her, "Are you satisfied?" A tear slid from her cheek even as she flashed him a fake wide smile, so much so her cheeks hurt, "I'm fucking fine, now can you leave me the fuck alone!"
He didn't reply just stared at her like he was some sculpted dumb piece of work.
"You want to know about my ring finger right?" She started desperate to get him the hell out of her presence, "You want to get to know the juicy details behind why the gigantic rock isn't there right?" She nodded furiously wiping her tear, "I didn't misplace it, no it left, just like Xavier did. So you see there won't be a wedding, there won't be a love story that'd be told and certainly," tears she couldn't hold back slide down her cheeks, "Certainly no movie series adaptation too!"
"So you ain't fine?" He raised his brow at her and she choked back tears at the thought of how she'd have laughed so hard if not that she could feel her world just tearing apart right in front of her.
"Certainly not fine if you are taking all this time to answer all these questions especially when you are one of the smartest persons I know who always manages to have the fastest answer to every question."
She chuckled then shook her head, "I'm the dumbest person I know. What else do you call a person that knows there was fire ahead in her path yet ran towards it and she isn't a firefighter?"
He grinned, "A super brave woman?"
"A super foolish person."
He stood up from his seat and squatted in front of her mumbling under his breath that this was a real awkward position making her chuckle again despite the tears in her eyes.
"Being brave and foolish is almost the same thing Maya and I'm sorry that the movie adaptation you wanted so much won't be happening." She met his kind eyes and looked away, "And I'm sorry I can't tell you that everything would be alright because the last time I told that to Tyler, I suffered a swollen cheek because it just might not be alright."
She sniffed, shaking her head, "God you are so horrible at pep talks."
"You don't need pep talks because soon the pain would become more bearable, less consuming and it would not feel like you can't breathe anymore and the wall is closing on you." He smiled at her, "Things would work themselves out and fall into place and if they don't, one day you just might check and realize that the pain is now a dulled throb or completely gone okay?"
She nodded even as he stood up and without thinking she stood up too, hugging him tightly and burying her face into his jacket.
He sighed even as his hand was balled to his sides. "Maya?"
"Mm?"
"You have 12 minutes to cry before we go to meet that twerp I call my best friend, we have to take our damn scripts today."
She nodded and held onto him.
"Maya.." he called again after a few minutes.
She didn't reply.
"This leather jacket of mine is damn expensive, it is customized so don't crease it way __"
"Jared," he could feel the laughter in her voice and he smiled, "You are really bad at holding someone while they break apart in your arms. You know one of the most prominent features is being damn quiet!" She glared at him through a tear-streaked face.
He brought out his handkerchief from his breast pocket, cleaning her tear-streaked face, "Why hold onto you while you are crying? When there is the choice of holding you up when you are about landing on the floor due to uncontrollable laughter especially when I don't have to be quiet?"
She sighed, "When you put it that way," she flashed him a grin, "The latter seems like a better option."
"I know you'll see things my way. You are smart."