"Did you send flowers to Madelyn?" I asked, watching him place the dish on the counter.
"What?" He looked at me, surprised.
I turned my phone towards him, showing the screen with a message from Madelyn.
"She's going through a tough time. I just wanted to show her that she has someone to count on," he shrugged, turning his attention back to the burnt chicken on the counter.
I remembered the conversation I had with Benjamin, who had encouraged me to talk to Joshua about my doubts and fears.
"Do you still have feelings for her?" I asked, making him flinch.
"No, of course not."
Joshua didn't look at me and walked over to the sink with the dish.
"Are you sure?" I insisted.
"Why do you want to know?"
"Because I want you to be honest!" I got off the counter. "Do you still have feelings for her?" I emphasized, but didn't get any answers. "Joshua?!"
"I already told you, no!" He replied like a stubborn child.
I narrowed my eyes and licked my lips.
"Then look at me and say you don't feel anything for her anymore."
Joshua remained motionless, facing away from me. In disbelief, I started to collect my clothes and get dressed.
"Why does this matter?" He asked hesitantly.
"Why?!" I finished putting on my shirt and looked at him indignantly, even though I couldn't see his face. "Because I think it's fair for you to be honest with someone you say you're in love with!"
"And why don't you believe what I'm telling you now?"
I smiled mockingly, looking at his bare back.
"And why don't you say that while looking at me?" I raised my eyebrows. "I'll only believe it if you look into my eyes and say you don't feel anything for her anymore."
Joshua didn't move, and I understood his response.
"Okay. I get it. I understand everything."
I said, turning to leave the kitchen.
"Alice..."
"I already understand, Joshua." I grabbed my phone from the counter. "You don't need to say anything else."
I said and left with my thoughts racing from his apartment.
His behavior had already answered all my questions. If he really didn't feel anything for Madelyn anymore, he would have looked at my face and said it clearly. After all, what would be the difficulty in talking about something that no longer affects you? But apparently, it still affected him, and a lot.
***
I arrived at my apartment and announced my arrival with a strong knock on the door.
"Alice?" Gregory asked. He and Nathan were on the couch. I passed by them, heading towards my room, completely ignoring them.
With the same strong beat that I had closed the entrance/exit door of my apartment, I did the same with the door of my bedroom, running to my bed and lying face down. I was completely disappointed with Joshua. Tears ran desperately down my face. I felt betrayed, and that was the last thing I wanted to feel.
If he still had feelings for Madelyn, he should have told me, not hidden it. I know how difficult it is to abandon love for an unjust cause, but I believe it is much worse to make someone believe they are important to you when you don't even know if they really are important in your life. And now, unfortunately, I'm the person who believed I was important.
"Alice?" I hear Gregory's voice behind the door. "Can I come in?"
I don't answer him, but he enters anyway. He walks to the bed, sitting next to me.
"Do you want to talk about what happened?"
I wipe my tears away, even though it was in vain.
"Joshua still feels something for Madelyn," my voice sounds choked up.
"Did he tell you that?"
"No, but... I asked him to look me in the eyes and say he didn't feel anything for her anymore. And he didn't do that."
"But have you thought that he might be confused?"
"And why doesn't he say it?" I sound frustrated. "What's the point of hiding it? It's much worse to leave someone without answers, corroded with doubts, and afraid of just being deceived. He should at least put himself in my place. It was hard to face Madelyn's sister. And I faced her to be with him, believing in what he told me, and then suddenly I discover that the girl he really loved wasn't the viper who plagued other people's lives, on the contrary, she's an incredible woman! So... What are my chances of being better than his past love?"
I lamented indignantly to Gregory.
"Well, the difference... is that you're not part of his past. And you're not in it. You're in the present. And... Many things change over the years. He may just be confused about his own feelings. He loved Madelyn very much. And the end of their relationship happened because of a planned lie." He takes a deep breath. "I don't think he'll give up on you two because of his past. He needs to move on."
"And who guarantees he will? And... I don't want to have to live with the fear of thinking he's liking someone else besides me."
Not knowing what else to say, Gregory lies down next to me, making me rest my head on his chest.
"Ali... I'm not an expert in relationships, but... I believe Madelyn means nothing to him. But like I said, he may be confused. The guy just found out a big truth. Give him some time. I believe that sooner or later, everything will be resolved."
"And if it's not resolved?" I say pessimistically and receive a tap on my shoulder from Gregory.
"Don't be pessimistic, Alice. Believe in the strong woman you are."
I wish it were as easy as he made it seem.
***
The next day, after an intense night of lamentations and motivational talks that Gregory and Nathan forced me to listen to, to try to improve my emotional state, I arrive at the Company, and right away, I'm approached by Samantha.
"I had a wonderful idea!" she says, bouncing along with me to my desk. "Actually, not me, my sister. She suggested we take a trip this weekend to the Isle of Wight. We can bring our friends and rent a house. What do you think?
It wasn't a bad idea, it could cheer me up since the trip with Joshua was no longer happening.
"That's a good idea," I say, forcing a weak smile and sitting in my armchair.
Samantha narrows her eyes, observing me closely.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I shrug indifferently. If I talked about the previous night, I ran the risk of feeling the same way as before.
"It's never nothing, Alice. But... I see you don't want to talk about it. So... I won't insist. When you feel like talking about it, I'll be all ears," she offers a reassuring smile. "But anyway, back to the subject of the island. Shall we go?"
"I don't know. Who will take care of my sisters?"
"Take them with you. Take everyone you know. The more people, the cheaper the house rental gets," she suggests, but suddenly her smile fades, as if she remembers something. "Damn, I forgot about your trip with Joshua. I'm sorry."
"There's no more trip."
"What do you mean?"
"We're not traveling anymore."
"Is that why you don't seem okay today?"
"It's not because we're not traveling. It's because..." I feel my heart tighten as I remember my conversation with Joshua. "I don't even know if we're still a couple."
"What?! What are you talking about?"
Even though I'm risking ruining my day and feeling the bad sensation from yesterday, I decide to tell Samantha what happened between Joshua and me.
"I can't believe it!" she says incredulously. "What's so hard about saying you're confused? He should have told you, 'Alice, I'm confused. Madelyn was a great love of my life, but you are too. I need time to think, but I promise to be honest with myself.'" She tries to imitate Joshua's voice, which makes me laugh a little. "Friend, you really need a weekend like that. I won't let you fall into a deep sadness. I want a list of people you want to take, now!"
She orders, and I comply. I should really take some time with my friends. Since I got involved with Joshua and since the 'Madelyns' appeared, I haven't had time to spend with any of them, except, of course, with Hannah because of college.
I take a small notepad from the left drawer of my desk and a pen, starting to write the names of my sisters, Gregory, and Nathan. And in the end, I wonder if I should invite Benjamin to travel with us. He had shown himself to be a good person.
I finish and hand it to Samantha.
"I can't believe I'm going to see Gregory again after all these years," she comments thoughtfully as she looks at the paper in her hands.
"Is that okay with you?"
"Of course! I was just a little thoughtful. But anyway... Who is Benjamin?"
"He's a Brazilian friend I met yesterday at college. I don't know if he'll accept the invitation. But... The more people, the better, right?"
She nods in agreement.
"Okay... Nine people, counting if this Benjamin guy accepts. I'll make a call to reserve a house."
Samantha informs me and walks to another part of the floor.
I see my phone vibrating on my desk. Gregory was calling me. I answer.
“Alice? You need to come home right now!”
A commotion sounded in the background. Gregory seemed panicked.
“What happened?”
“Your father's wife is causing a scene here! She demands that Alex and Agatha come back to Brazil. Oh my God! You need to come quickly!”
Gregory ends the call and I am static, almost without reaction. I get up from the armchair and grab my purse, walking quickly to the elevator.
“Hey! Where are you going?” Samantha asks as she returns from one of the rooms.
“I need to go home. Something bad is happening there.”
Samantha nods and I continue on my way, entering the elevator and going to the first floor. If that woman was freaking out in my house, she would have to deal with me.
***
Getting out of the taxi as it parks in front of my apartment, I walk tensely to the floor of my apartment, climbing the stairs without feeling my feet, so apprehensive I was.
Upon arriving on my floor, after three flights of stairs, I was faced with a catastrophe. Voices amplified in tone. The noise of things colliding against each other expanded through the environment. It all came down to a terrible argument between my father and his current wife. Gregory, Nathan, Agatha, and Alex were backed up in the corner, unsure of how to react.
“They are my daughters!” my father raised his voice.
“Thank God you arrived!” Gregory runs up to me. “I was afraid they would break the whole apartment before you got here. I asked them to stop, but... The woman didn't listen to me.”
“These girls are not part of our family!” the woman yelled back. “You will have to choose, them or me!”
“I can't make that choice, Dalah!”
“Then you will be left with nothing to live for!”
I decide to interfere in that ridiculous fight.
“What's gotten into you, thinking you can make this scene in my apartment?” I say perplexed. “And you.” I look at the woman. “What part of not wanting you in my apartment did you not understand?”
“Mind your own business, Joshua's little slut.”
My mouth opens with such an insult.
“What did you say?”
For a moment, I felt like a wild animal, ready to attack. My whole body burned. Who did she think she was talking to?
“What you heard. Isn't it true?”
“Don't talk to her like that, Dalah!” my father interferes, even more furious.
I approach the woman, contaminated with fury, about to explode in her next insult.
“I don't think I made it clear that I want you out of my apartment.” My voice sounds coldly.
In a confrontational way, the woman turns to me, facing me, even though the disproportion of height meant a small disadvantage for me.
“And what are you going to do?” her devilish eyes try to oppress me. “Joshua's little slut.” She repeated the same insult as before.
And as I imagined, I explode. Driven by momentary anger, I don't think twice before grabbing her hair and pulling her towards the ground. She, in self-defense, pulls mine back. And then, I found myself in a fight that I hadn't been in since adolescence.
I felt hands around my waist pulling me off the woman. Gregory held me in his arms, preventing me from continuing.
"Get out of my house!" I shouted.
"So, this is your weakness, Alice?" he said, fixing his messy hair with a cynical smile on his lips. "But that's what you are! Everyone knows Joshua! And they know you'll just be another one for him!"
I struggled in Gregory's arms, trying to break free to continue what I was doing to her. That woman deserved much more than a few hair pulls.
"Enough!" my father exploded. "Get out of my daughter's apartment, Dala!"
"So, this is your choice, isn't it? You prefer your bastard family over ours!"
"I love my children, not you!" he spat the words, seeming to make the woman lose her footing.
Seeming to have lost all her arguments, she follows blindly, but furiously, out of the apartment, throwing me her demonic gaze again before leaving.
Gregory finally puts me down. I clenched my jaw, trying to contain the desire to end her.
"Who does she think she is to come to my apartment, create a scene, and insult me?" I say incredulously.
"I'm sorry for this, daughter. It's my fault," my father said.
"Of course, it's not your fault. You just want to be present in your daughters' lives. She doesn't understand!"
I see Nathan walking up to me with a glass of water.
"Drink some water. It will help you calm down," Nathan offers, handing me the glass of water.
I don't hesitate to accept it and drink the liquid in one gulp.
"I'm scared," Agatha said almost in a whisper.
I walk over to her, bending down to her height.
"You don't have to be scared, my little one. I'm here with you."
She hugs me tightly.
"I'm going to deal with her. She's gone too far. I'll sign the divorce papers and look for another place to stay," I say.
"Without meaning to interfere... Has your wife always been this hysterical?" Gregory asked my father, who nodded. "And why didn't you leave her sooner?"
"Because I love my two children that I had with her. But I can't just abandon my daughters, as she wants."
"I just wanted to know how she found out about me and Joshua."
I asked as I moved away from Agatha.
"He's a public figure, Alice," Gregory said the obvious.
"No, it's not that. How did she know that I was exactly the girl he was with? Since, with today, we only met twice? And no one knows about me. What are the chances of her targeting me among several girls?"
"I know why," my father said. "She has a friend who is friends with Joshua's maid. And after I found out about you, it wasn't difficult for her to find out."
"And I thought London was a city where people knew each other little," I commented, stunned.
"This happens because there are people with large networks of friends and acquaintances. And you're with someone who exceeds that," Gregory responds to my comment.
"I was, actually," I murmur.
"You're not together anymore?" My father seemed relieved to hear that.
"Everything indicates that we'll go in that direction."
"That's not going to happen. Alice is just in denial," Gregory refutes.
"But I think it's better for you to distance yourself from him while you can, daughter. Scott is not for you." Why not? What does my father know about him that I don't? "But anyway, I have to go. I need to deal with the situation that happened earlier. I'll see you all as soon as I can."
He smiles and says goodbye to all of us, leaving the apartment soon after.
"My father doesn't like Joshua. Why not? A lot of people admire him," I cross my arms, intrigued.
"Maybe because you're his daughter, he doesn't want you in a life as hectic as Joshua's," Gregory shrugs and walks past me, sitting on the couch.
I'm not sure, was there something else?