Katherine Throne}
The sound of my phone ringing jars me up from my sleep, and I grope around the bed for it with my eyes closed. When I finally found it, I brought it closer to my face to see the caller, and seeing my mother’s name shown on the phone screen, I jumped out of bed. I knew I was in big trouble because I forgot to call her the day before to let her know I had arrived safely and I was now settled in. I knew she’d nag me about it, and I needed to prepare my body, mind, and spirit for the harsh words she’d fire at me.
When I got out of bed, I went straight to the living room so I wouldn't wake Kate, who is still sleeping peacefully, probably in her dream world.
“Good morning, Mum.” I greeted the instant I answered the phone.
“Good morning? Really? Is there anything about this morning that is genuinely good? It’s 8 a.m., and I called you all night, but you didn’t return my calls. Is it too difficult for you to call your mother as soon as you move into your new place? Is this the kind of person you want to be, following my home training I have given you? I’m disappointed in you, Katherine.” My mother said, lashing out angrily.
“I’m sorry, Mum, but I was really exhausted when I finished, so I went to sleep and just woke up now.” I tried to explain to her.
“Hmmm. It’s 8:30 a.m.; you would have gotten out of bed, done your duties, and even begun reading by now if you were at home. I think I should contact the school and request that the accommodation be canceled; you are slacking off by being away from home,” Mum rants over the phone. “If you’re like this, how will you become great? How will your grades be good? How will you get the perfect job? Are you even considering-”
“Please don’t start, Mum,” I said, cutting her off in the middle of her sentence. “I can’t deal with it anymore. I’m tired and exhausted from packing and organizing my things. I assumed you’d ask as to how I was settling in and how my environment was. At least, that’s what a normal mother would do, but all you do is nag and criticize and complain.”
I sigh as I sit on the couch, tired from her constant nagging and making me feel like a failure to her and the rest of the world.
“I promise you, Mum, that I won’t change, that my grades will be good, and that I will be the perfect daughter you want me to be, but for once, please act like my mother and not some stranger. Are you even able to care?” I asked, knowing that my words would hurt her, and I didn't care. I was tired of her constantly trying to mold me into someone I can’t be. I was tired of trying to please her, losing myself in the process. I just want her to love me the same way other mothers love and encourage their children.
I soon hear her sniffling, followed quickly after by sobbing sounds, and it breaks my heart, since hurting her is the last thing I want to do.
“I’m sorry, Mum… I apologize for snapping at you; please don’t cry.” I pleaded as a few tears escaped down my cheeks.
“You don’t have to apologize to me, baby, it’s my fault. It’s all my fault for neglecting my role as a mother. I deserve to be yelled at. You know, I just want the best for you,” mum sobs. “So you wouldn’t end up like me; so you won’t have to marry someone like your father, who abandoned his wife and child, and went to marry someone else, leaving just me all by myself to fend for you.”
As she speaks, I glance at the black card Dad had handed me, after telling me that I could use it whenever I wanted, and then I thought of the apartment rented by him too.
I am so confused about everything. Nothing seems to match up; if my father has rejected me and neglected his role as a parent to me, why is he giving me all of this? What am I missing, and why do I feel like I’m the only one who isn’t fully briefed about this mess?
“Katherine, did you hear what I said?" Mum's voice jolted me out of my thoughts.
“Did you hear what I said, Katherine?” she asked again, Mum’s voice startled me out of my reverie.
“I’m sorry, Mum. I understand, and I promise not to disappoint you, so please, don’t cry.” I assured her. “Once I finish taking my bath and eating breakfast, I’ll get my books and study for the rest of the day without missing anything, and I swear I won’t marry someone like dad,” and I hear her sniffle and laugh.
“I’m glad, baby, that you understand that I just want the best for you; just graduate as the top student, achieve that top position, and you’ll make me proud. I shouldn’t keep you waiting because you have books to read.”
I rolled my eyes as she said the last part; It made me think her tears were staged in order to make me feel guilty. As luck would have it, she succeeded, because I’m on an emotional rollercoaster right now.
“Thank you, Mum. I’ll keep in touch,” I told her, and I was about to hang up the phone when she called out my name.
“Yes, Mum?”
“H - how do I say this?” She stutters out. “I know your apartment is a two-to-three-hour drive from your father’s company, but I need you to promise me that no matter what happens, you will not go looking for your father. Promise me that you will not associate with someone who abandoned us, baby.”
I kept silent, unsure if I should make her a promise. I knew I'd be breaking it in a few hours. I always wanted to form a relationship with my father, and learn why he left, but whenever I asked my mother about it, she immediately played the victim card, causing me to end the conversation without any answers to my questions, so I resolved to stop asking and just find out the answers one way or another, and when Dad said he was going to tell me, I was pleased that my wish was finally coming true.
“Katherine!” Mum cried out my name. “Why aren’t you promising me? Have you decided to see him? Is that why you decided to leave the house?”
`Here we go again,’ I thought to myself, then I replied to her.
“No, Mum. I’m not going to see Dad; don’t get yourself worked up over this. I won’t associate with someone who abandoned me when I was just ten. Mum, you’re all I have, and you’re the only one who cares about me.”
I wonder whether to feel guilty about my blatant lie.
I hung up the phone, and threw the phone on the couch, before folding my legs upwards and putting my head on them.
At this rate, I doubt I’ll ever be happy. I guess it’s part of my mother’s daily routine to see me suffer terribly until I die.
‘At the very least, if I die, mum will no longer have me to control, and I will finally be at peace. I will not have to pursue a scholarship, graduation, or even work at a respectable company to please my mother; instead, I will be free, but again, if I die, I won’t be able to experience what it’s like to have a boyfriend or kiss for the first time.’
“Why the fvck is this so difficult for me,” I screamed, and I was jolted by the buzzing of my phone. I unlocked my phone to see a message from Dad.
‘We’re having lunch at 12:30pm. I made my wife prepare your favorite meal. Please come; we look forward to seeing you.’
I smiled as I read the message a couple more times.
Another message comes in, again from Dad, but this time, he sends his address.
Checking the time, it was already 9:30am, so I quickly leaped off the couch and grabbed a book and a pen to leave Katie a message.
With that, I ran out of her apartment and into mine to get cleaned up. I was going to stock up my apartment with groceries and other necessities first, before heading to Dad’s.
My main goal is to get close to Dad and get him to tell me everything I want to know.