"Servant, which is better—being human, or being a vampire?"
Kiss-Shot continued gazing at the fading skyline as she asked.
Her tone was casual, as if she didn't really care about the answer.
But Souta... had a feeling that deep down, she wasn't as calm as she seemed.
So, he answered honestly:
"Being a vampire has plenty of advantages that humans can't even dream of...
"But in this world, vampires have to eat people, don't they?
"That's something I just can't accept. No matter what."
For the briefest moment—
Kiss-Shot, unseen by Souta, wore an expression of quiet loneliness.
"I should have known you'd want to become human again."
Finally, she tore her gaze away from the cityscape and turned to face him.
Then, she gave him a smile.
A smile that, for some reason—
Looked devastatingly tragic.
"I will turn you back into a human, Servant."
"I swear it—upon my own name."
Her voice, carried by the evening wind, seemed to be woven with a deep sorrow—so vast, it felt as heavy as a mountain.
What kind of emotions...
What kind of resolve did she carry in her heart, to say those words?
Souta... didn't know.
And frankly, he didn't want to know.
Because the next thing he said was—
"Vampire powers are pretty amazing...
"Is there a way for me to become human again, but keep all the cool abilities—like the strength, speed, jumping power, regeneration, and all that?"
"I... I never expected you to be this greedy."
Kiss-Shot stared at him, completely expressionless.
She couldn't keep up with his ridiculous thought process.
To turn him back into a human, there was only one way.
Souta, as her familiar, had to fight her—
And drain her blood completely, severing the master-servant bond.
Souta would become human again.
But as a vampire, being drained of her blood would mean—
Kiss-Shot would die by his hands.
Kiss-Shot had already resigned herself to dying for her familiar.
That was the resolve she carried when she made her promise.
This heavy, tragic, life-and-death decision—
Was completely ruined by Souta's one dumbass question.
He wasn't even aware of how much he had butchered the mood.
"I wouldn't call it greed, really." Souta said casually.
"It's just... you know that saying—'It's easy to go from poor to rich, but hard to go from rich to poor'?"
"I mean, now that I have these abilities, it'd be a waste to throw them away, right?"
"So yeah, I'd like to be human again...
"But I also want to keep all the vampire powers."
"Is that too much to ask?"
"...You are unbelievably honest about your desires."
Kiss-Shot was now completely speechless.
This servant of hers—
Did he seriously want to have it both ways?
"Unfortunately, I cannot grant such a thing."
She sighed, looking mildly exasperated.
"You must choose, Servant.
"Either remain a vampire, or return to being human. There is no in-between."
"That's not necessarily true."
He pulled out his System Phone.
"You probably haven't explored this thing much, have you?"
He waved the device in front of her.
Kiss-Shot's crimson eyes flickered.
"The System Phone, huh...?"
Kiss-Shot reached for her waist and pulled out a phone identical to Souta's.
She furrowed her brows slightly, feeling utterly speechless.
When she had used her Matter Creation Ability to craft her frilly dress, she had deliberately avoided making pockets—just so this damn phone wouldn't cling to her.
And yet, it was stubborn enough to attach itself to her outfit anyway.
Souta didn't notice her exasperated expression. He was too focused on navigating the Friends Chat System, casually scrolling through past messages as he spoke:
"Kiss-Shot, do you remember the conversation I had with Tokisaki Kurumi about the Marketplace System?"
"The... Marketplace?" Kiss-Shot tried to recall. "I have a faint impression, but not much detail."
"Alright, let me explain."
Souta brought his phone closer to Kiss-Shot, opened the Marketplace Interface, and began walking her through it.
On the screen, aside from the usual Travel Cards and Invitation Letters, there were three additional items:
A bag of crispy noodles, A single Fourth Bullet, And 100 years of lifespan.
Each had been uploaded by either him or Kurumi.
Souta put extra emphasis on explaining the "Upload Item" function, using his own uploads as examples.
After hearing his explanation, Kiss-Shot asked:
"So, what exactly are you trying to accomplish with this?"
As she spoke, she felt even more exasperated.
How did they go from a serious conversation about sacrifice and redemption...
...to discussing the system's online shop?
She had just made peace with her resolve to sacrifice herself...
And now, what? What was the point of all that?!
"It's not exactly a solution, just a hypothesis," Souta said, completely ignoring her frustration.
Then he pointed at the Marketplace Interface and said:
"This 'Upload Item' function is incredibly useful, and it covers a wide range of things. It doesn't just allow you to upload objects—even conceptual abilities can be uploaded. Hell, even my lifespan was accepted as a listing."
"I'm thinking," Souta continued, voice filled with anticipation, "what if we tried uploading our weaknesses as items?"
"If my theory is right," he added, "then if we upload a weakness, we should lose that weakness in return."
The vampires of this world had a lot of weaknesses:
Sunlight, Garlic, Crosses, Needing to consume humans to survive, Being dependent on human belief to exist,
If they could upload all of these, wouldn't that mean...
They'd be one step closer to becoming a perfect lifeform?
At first, Kiss-Shot wasn't convinced.
But then, after thinking about it for a moment, she actually started to feel tempted.
"It's definitely worth testing."
Since Souta was the one who suggested it, he volunteered to try.
Unfortunately, the system ruthlessly shot him down:
❌ [ERROR: Innate weaknesses cannot be uploaded as marketplace items.]
However, the host may upload the entire Monogatari Series Vampire Bloodline,
Or upload individual vampire abilities as separate listings.
Weaknesses, however, cannot be uploaded separately.
Welp. No loopholes to exploit.
Souta felt slightly disappointed but quickly relayed the message to Kiss-Shot.