Katie don't cry I know you're trying your hardest
"Surely Zon will take over you if he's here. He's such a great loss in our family," I heard Auntie Lucia. She was talking to my father while my mother was standing beside him, sipping a glass of wine.
I leaned on the wall near them. I watched my cousins played at the pool while the rest of my relatives gathered at the table. I think they're talking about business, or likely they're blabbing about other people's lives.
I went home this weekend to attend family gatherings. I hated this kind of stuff, but I couldn't say no to my family since they have been looking for this once a year. It's not that I hated my relatives, it's what they're saying that I hated.
"I still can't believe he's gone." Auntie Lucia wagged her head. She gently held the glass of wine before turning to me. "Well, I'm sure Zee will be like her brother, right?" She scanned me from head to toe. "You should take the same course like your brother. Be a lawyer too like us."
I straightened my back. Here we go again!
I was tired of hearing those things. When will they get tired of telling me what to do?
Auntie Lucia is my father's sister. My father came from a family of lawyers. My mom was also an aspiring lawyer, but she gave up on her dreams when she married my father. She then decided to make her children a lawyer. My brother didn't disagree because it's what he truly wanted.
I smiled as an answer and when she couldn't wait for me to say something she added, "I heard you are ranked 8 in the whole senior year and 4th in an amateur swimming competition," she added a bit of sarcasm. "Your brother graduated as number one. You should follow his footsteps and make your parents proud."
My father was about to say something, but I didn't let him finish. I excused myself and bowed before going inside the house. I know it was rude, but staying there would make me say things that would disrespect them.
You know what, my parents never pressured me on my study because they were busy paying attention to my brother. It's okay for them if I got this or that because I could never be as good as my brother and they always believe it's only what I could do so why push me?
I decided to not push myself then and exerted a lot of effort in swimming, which somehow made them proud.
The only difference between me and Gab was that my brother never made me feel he's above me. He never made me feel alone.
When my parents told me to play baseball, he told me to pursue swimming. When my parents told me to enrol in the same school with my brother, he enrolled me in my desired school. When my parents told me to be like my brother, he supported my dreams and helped me make my parents proud of who I am.
Sometimes, I thought that it should be me that died, and not my brother. I know there were times when my parents also blamed me for not saving my brother.
My brother was driving the car on our way home. It was getting late, and he decided to hit the shortest way, not knowing about the bridge under construction. A drunk motorcycle driver was supposed to hit us, so he turned left making us fell in the river. Yeah. Now you know why I drown in my comfort zone.
"Have you thought about what pre-law course you'll get?" I automatically wiped the tears when I felt Mom's presence at my back. "You should prepare for ACET."
At that moment, I wanted to say I would not take law. I don't want to become a lawyer. I wanted to become a doctor. But how could I say no?
I cleared my throat. "Yes, Mom. Should I take Legal Management too?" I turned to her with a smile.
She smiled back. It was the smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Yeah, better. Your brother would be happy knowing that.
My brother, again?
I wanted to hate my brother, yet I couldn't. No matter what happens, he would always be my savior. I know he wouldn't be happy about this.
If he's here, I could take my desire course because they won't pay attention to me. They have my brother. I have my brother.
"By the way." Mom pulled a paper from her pocket. "It's the phone number of the person who received an organ from your brother. We thought you wanna know."
My brother, even after his death, was still amazing.
Who is the lucky one?
I hope he lived a happy life.
I wanted to know, to see whoever that person was, but it would make me miss my brother more.
The lantern on the porch twinkled as soon as I stepped in. I opened the door and was surprised to see Aae.
It's already ten in the evening. I insisted on going home today instead of tomorrow. I know my presence wasn't needed in the gathering. Why stay, right? It would just trigger my anxiety.
"I thought you'll be home tomorrow." He was sitting at the steps of stairs as he held his guitar.
"Well, I missed my house buddy. Isn't that a good reason?" I answered. I bit my lower lip, realizing it was a bit off. Though I've become more comfortable with him during the past few days, and he's becoming more expressive too.
"Should I say I miss you too?" He raised an eyebrow and stood up. I smelled his chocolate perfume when he passed by the AC.
I shrugged. It was a joke. I've seen him yesterday. Why would I miss him?
It's Zack that I missed. He still not talking to me.
"Okay, I don't," he replied.
I decided to let go of the topic. Why did I even say that?
"I bought food from home. I'll put it in the fridge if you want." I went directly to the kitchen while he quietly followed me.
I paused when I saw the note on the fridge. It's a line from a song of Mayday Parade, and it's funny because I felt like it's meant to be.
"Katie, don't cry, I know you're trying your hardest and the hardest part is letting, go."
I listened to the strums of the guitar. It took me seconds before turning to him.
"Of the nights we shared, Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting, but compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright and when we look to the sky, it's not mine, but I want it so."
It was a nice sad song paired with his soft voice. I never thought Aae had such a nice vocal. It seemed like a lullaby. It made me want to sleep. But sleeping doesn't mend sadness.
"Wait, what's with the song?" I cut him off. "Is this the effect of chocolate again?" I joked, trying to change the topic.
"I felt the need to make you smile," he casually confessed. I wanted to know what he's thinking every time he bent his head.
"Why?"
"It was my fault. The thing between you and Zendaya." He scratched the back of his head.
I quickly responded. "Ah, no. Not really. Psh! He is just making it-"
"He likes you." Aae dropped those three words I've been refusing to hear.
I wavered for a second and cracked up. "Nah, that Zacky? Psh! As if! It's impossible."
I was about to tie my hair when I remembered I left my scrunchies in my room. Ugh! This is frustrating!
"Then is it also impossible for me to like you?" He gave me a stern look.
I blinked. "Luh! Don't joke around. Let just sleep-"
He instantly cut me. "Do I look like a joke to you?" He scowled. His jaw was gripping.
"No!" I automatically said. "You look like someone I know," I confessed. It's been bothering me since the first time I saw him.
"Does that someone makes you happy or sad?" he questioned.
My lips form a slight curve. "He makes me happy and sad at the same time."
"Then how about this." He moved an inch closer to me as his eyes locked mine. "If there's one-moment this stare makes you just sad, let me know."
"What are you going to do?" I creased my brows.
"I'll make you less sad." He turned his back to me and added, "About the like part, I'm afraid my feelings aren't a joke."
I was speechless, but what made me more speechless was when he knocked on my door to say, "Please, don't be awkward because I might think you like me too."
I blinked twice and my mouth was left hanging.
He already left, but I was still staring into thin air.
What was that?
What the hell! And now he expected me not to get awkward?
Are you kidding me, Aae?
Well, he wasn't.
I woke up the next day. He was waiting behind my door.
"I forgot to say something." He missed the good morning and directly said that.
"Well, Good morning," I greeted him and tried to act casually.
How should I handle this feeling?
I was not really used to this kind of feeling. He was the first one who confessed he liked me. I mean, wow, why? Should I say thank you?
I have no confidence in this because it's new, and I don't know.
No one liked me since seventh grade. No one said they like me when all the girls have been getting lots of invites and dates for balls. As for me, Zack invited me because no one wanted to invite me. And now, Aae was confessing in front of me. Like, omg!
"I said I like you, remember?"
"A-h yeah?"
Gosh? How could he say that casually? I couldn't even say I like you to my crush.
"But, I never said you should like me too." He handed me the paper bag. "So will you just please let me like you and accept everything I could give?"
"How am I supposed to do that?" I hysterically said, ignoring the paper bag between us. "I mean, for the record, you are the first guy who ever confessed to me."
"Am I?"
"You find that amusing?"
He laughed. I sniffed his chocolate breathe as he leaned forward. "Just a trivia, I'm not the only guy in school who likes you."
I disapprovingly shook my head. I moved one step backward when he leaned closer. I could hear his heartbeat.
"They don't confess because they know the person you like," he stated as if he knew everything about me when we just started talking for months.
"They know who I like, yet I don't know who I like?" I raised an eyebrow. "That's funny. You are making fun of me. Let's stop here."
I shoved him away. He was making it awkward for us.
"What's your ideal type?" he asked when I was halfway the stairs.
"You."
There was silence for a second until I realized what I said. Okay, that's blunt. Well, he asked. Crap Zee! He might misunderstand.
He was exactly my type, but I already like someone else.
"You are not my type," he smirked.
"Wow, and you said you like me?" I scowled.
He laughed, really hard. "I am just saying that we don't usually fall for our ideal type."
I nodded. I have to agree with that. I could relate.
"So what is the connection of that?"
"Nothing, I like you." He widened his smile. I thought for a second his eyes were gleaming.
"It's not like I can eat that." I tried to crack it.
"But you can eat me."
I choked. What the!
You gotta be kidding me?
Aae was flirting with me?
Wait, what?
What happened?
What had gotten to him?
He laughed again. This was the first time I heard him laugh.
Okay, he did really find me entertaining. Maybe he was just playing with me.
He doesn't like me at all. Boys are boys. You couldn't believe everything they're saying. I think it's the effect of too many chocolates in his cells.
"Kidding aside, I felt the need to say it because I don't want regrets and what-ifs. So don't try living with one." He rubbed the back of his head. Did he just blush?
"Why are you suddenly saying that?" I look puzzled. "What's with the change of mood?"
He shrugged before finally saying, "Nothing. I like it. Did I make your heart beat fast?
He patted my head before stepping down.
What am I a dog?