And I'll be your memories, your lullaby for all the times hoping my voice could get it right
The sun was still fighting the dawn when my phone rang. The ambulance sirens howled as it passed outside the quarters. Short after, the hospital called for code blue. Though unnerving, the sounds weren't enough for me to get up on my bed. The joy of morning never attested to my liking.
I pulled my blanket and covered my skin with its warmth. I was so close to sleeping again when I heard the chorus of the song I set for one specific person, our attending surgeon. He would probably kill me if I don’t rush to him right now.
I started cursing while slapping my face. The heat of my palm couldn’t even wake me up. I need caffeine to boost my energy, yet it seems like I won’t be able to get one.
I couldn’t even get enough sleep.
I ran like a zombie and almost stumbled upon reaching the emergency room. The sleepy neurons trying to cuddle my brain instantly disappeared when a group of people started coming inside the emergency room.
“Dra. Zamora, there’s a critical patient at Trauma 1,” Nurse Julia, the head nurse, shouted.
I started running towards her to attend to the patient.
“A 10-wheeler truck hit a bus,” Nurse Julia explained the situation of the patient.
The patient was screaming in pain as he lied on his back. The nurse had to tie his hands on the bed because he was fighting them. He kept on saying a monster will come to eat us alive. If this is a different time, I would probably play along with him. But, he’s delirious, and his pupil was dilated.
I ordered a CT when the patient started vomiting blood.
“Damn! Call Neuro!” I shouted.
The Neurology team hadn't arrived yet when another nurse called me.
I sighed in frustration. What a nice day to start!
I pulled my scrunchies and tied my hair.
I’ve been in the medical field for years, yet I’m still not used to this kind of moment. But, this is the path I’ve chosen.
“Let’s save lives, people.”
---
After hours of battling inside the operating room, saving lives, I felt the starvation. I wanted to eat, but my body couldn’t move. I sat on the floor along with the other residents who're also exhausted from a row of surgeries.
The acidity was rising up my esophagus, which made it hard to breathe. My hands were numb and my mouth was so dehydrated that I could also feel it in my skin.
It took me minutes before I could recharge. I went straight to the residents’ quarter and washed my face that I wasn’t able to do a while ago.
The fridge was empty. A sudden frustration rushed in my mind, I had told the interns to pick the groceries for us and no one had bothered to follow my orders.
There was no other choice but to order food, so I picked my phone and ordered a bucket of chicken.
A feeling of refreshment lingered in my throat as I drank the cold water. I rested my back on the couch and tried to find sleep when Lauyton, one of the residents and my closest friend, barged in.
“Hey, what’s up?” He threw a pack of banana milk, my favorite drink, that I luckily caught.
The aroma of brewed coffee filled the room as he set the coffee maker. Then, he sat beside me and sighed. “I’m freaking tired, but there’s a good cardio case. Do you want to battle with me?”
Lauyton waved the folder piled with a medical case that he probably stole, and started saying, “It’s a thoracic aortic dissection repair.”
“Dr. Tan will not allow you to scrub in,” I answered.
I pretended I’m not excited about the case, but my stomach is already filled with butterflies. Damn! That’s one of the most dangerous surgeries that I want to try. I remembered watching the procedure when I was still an intern, and hoped that one day I will be able to get my hands on it. I always wanted to be a cardiothoracic surgeon, so if there will be a chance I’ll fight for that surgery even if I don’t get to sleep.
Though, there’s no way they’ll allow us, residents, to perform such surgery without supervision. That’s hell of a big procedure. Imagine, you are going to stop that heart from beating, and a heart-lung bypass machine will take over the heart’s function and maintain the circulation then you’ll replace the damaged aortic valve with a mechanical valve. Well, there’s other ways to do it. Much complicated to think, maybe even complicated to do. But hell, that’s fun!
“Dr. Arellano will be the assisting surgeon for that. It’s obvious,” I added. “So, give it back before Dr. Tan knew you stole it.”
Dr. Tan is the head of cardiothoracic surgery, and knowing Lauyton stole the case without even telling him means no scrubbing inside his operating room.
“Psh! Where’s the fun in that?” Lauyton sighed.
I shrugged.
I stood up and grabbed a cup of coffee to sip when the code blue rang again.
"Ouch!" I retorted as I poured the hot coffee on my hand due to panic. I immediately washed the burnt area with cold water to ease the tingling pain.
“You gotta be kidding me! I want sleep!” I screamed in frustration as Lauyton laughed.
I blew air on the burned part since I no longer have time to look for a cream. Well, there’s much worse thing than pouring hot coffee on your hand.
“We don’t sleep,” Lauyton smiled as he grabbed his penlight. “C’mon, let’s have fun saving lives!”
And, I can only pray I still have his energy.
The medical team dashed inside the emergency room. The scream of terrors were seen in the faces of the victims as the team carried them inside.
There’s no fun anymore, but trauma as patients cried in pain and fear of dying.
“What happened here?” I blinked in disbelief. There are more than 30 people inside the emergency room that I don’t even know which of them needs care the most.
We still have patients from the bus accident a while ago. Other doctors were still in the operating room. How am I going to manage this all? I should have never volunteered to work in the emergency room.
“It’s a plane crash. The craft fell in the bottom of the bay. It’s a big aircraft that holds more than 500 people. Victims that are not trauma or critical were rushed to other hospitals. We got more than 50 patients coming in, and also the captain of the plane is on his way here. He’s critical. It took them hours before they could revive his body from the bay,” Nurse Julia explained as fast as she could while both of us were checking the patients one by one.
“Same with the co-pilot and three flight attendants,” she added.
“What a day!” I sighed. “Okay, let’s do this!” I tied my hair and thought of a plan, but there’s no plan, but do as much as we could to save the one who needs saving.
I ordered the interns and the other lower years to see the other patients that aren’t critical as we wait for the captain and the others. Professor Argazon, the head of the General Surgery is still in the operating room with Dr. Arellano. That’s when I realized there’s no available attending surgeon since most of them were still in the operating room.
Don’t tell me I need to operate on my own? I mean, I do a lot of operations, but I’m still a resident who needs supervision from the attending. I’ve done solo surgeries, but they’re not major surgeries, so I am hoping I don’t get to do a major one. No, erase that! Let me get a major surgery. It’s a big break and I know this guy beside me, Lauyton, is also thinking of the same thing.
After a minute, the ambulance parked outside the emergency room. We ran to meet them. They pulled the stretcher out as the rescue team started telling their situation.
“I’ll get this,” Lauyton said. “Get the captain. They called saying he’s in an asystole.”
“What? That’s freaking the most serious cardiac arrest,” I whispered to myself. It means that there’s no tissue contraction from the heart muscle, so there’s no blood flow to the rest of the body, which also means he’s near to death.
Why the hell did the plane crash? It’s not everyday a plane crash.
“He’s in V-fib!” The rescuer shouted while still doing CPR. They pulled the stretcher out.
“We need to warm him!” I ordered. “Let’s get him inside--”
I froze. I closed my eyes and prayed that I was only dreaming. Maybe, I was only imagining his body lying on the bed because I missed him, and I always remember him whenever a plane crossed in the sky. Yet, when I opened my eyes, tears fell.
My lips started to tremble as I stared in his cold and drenched body. I screamed in my head, but the words were empty. The wind babbled through my ears, whispering terrors. My knees started to weaken, as the reality pierced deep my heart.
"Dr. Zamora! Dr. Zamora!" they shouted my name. "What are you doing?"
The familiar smell of saltwater crawled in my skin as memories kept flashing back.
It was at that moment I knew I’m miserable at best.