Chapter 99 : The bride
Hiding behind Merrigold. Hiding behind 'I love Merri.' Continuously chasing Merri to redeem him from his guilt, sins and the feelings he was developing that made him very uncomfortable. His anger was once rooted on Merri, why had she left? This was all her fault. She had led him into falling victim of this horrid unjust demonic behavior. He did not know whom he was anymore. Merrigold had been the only person in his whole entire life who shielded him from judgement. No one would ever think differently of him with Merrigold by his side as his lover. No one would ever assume he took a liking to other men. It was an unpleasant feeling that he was thoroughly ashamed of. Thomas noted, he had not always felt this way; he had not always been this way. He had never been one to look at another man twice. Never! It made him wonder were his feelings for Merrigold ever real? They were, he thought. He loved Merri not as a friend or a sister but as a lover. He enjoyed all their intimates moments together. Everything he felt for Merri was always genuine but why did Hasani give him the same excitement? Thomas was uncomfortable, with these thoughts. They provoked confusion within him. Provoked havoc within his soul. He was not happy confronting his distasteful emotions.
He wondered what Merri was doing? Did she think of him sometimes? Not even a little bit? She was too busy playing family with the white men. Master Austin had not said a word, Thomas wondered if he was waiting for the day it would come in handy. He could never trust a man like Austin, he was a cunning man with no genuineness. Thomas was aware of Austin's snake like demeanor; always alert and waiting for the right moment to strike.
Thomas was happy, a tad bit excited for the changes that were about to occur. So was everyone at the commune. The taste of freedom was near, to be your own person. To live according to your own will. To make your own decisions. It sure sounded like a dream. A fantasy they had all played out in their minds just this once in their miserable lives.
—
Laying back on their bed, one arm holding his body steadily from suppressing the little five month old boys. Austin seemed concentrated with his sons. They were growing bigger day by day. Resembling their mother in more ways than the other. They had his eyes, curly brown hair, brown caramel tanned skin but their facial features were exactly like Merrigold, the cute button nose, plump lips— it was uncanny. Merrigold roamed around trying to get ready, Austin waited nonetheless as they conversed while he distracted the boys. At the sight of their mother, they yearned for attention almost immediately. With Merri around, it seemed they became instant cry babies.
Their achievements as new parents so far were the twins now being able to have solid food, it made it easier on Merrigold's part. Breasting two eager beavers constantly was such an extreme job. They could also now tell Lionel and Lennox apart without ribbons. They tend to be big babblers and talked up a storm of gibberish. They giggled more often and could both now sit upright for long periods of time at-most they needed the support of a cushion otherwise they'd simply roll over, always eager to move and learn. The next step was definitely crawling. Lennox was the second born but he seemed to grasp things faster than Lionel. It was just something Merrigold had noted with Austin.
"There's always the smarter twin and a dumber twin; I'd know that." Austin had told Merri jokingly the other day.
"You're the dumber twin, I'm well convinced." Merrigold murmured.
Appalled, Austin grinned mischievously. "I will have you know, Bertha was always slow and following my lead. My mother is my witness."
"I did not say anything..." Merrigold laughed.
"You certainly implied it." He placed a kiss on her neck.
"Perhaps..." She giggled nervously under him. Softly putting her hands on his chest, she seemed concerned. "But let's not raise them like that. Even if we know Lionel grasps things a bit slower, let's not make it know or obviously. We should still be happy for each of their timing. If Lionel was an only child then this wouldn't even matter but now he has a twin who is just too forward. It's not his fault, it doesn't make him dumb."
Giving her a perk on the lips, he murmured. "I know love. Well said, I love when you're such a concerned mother. Ofcourse we should never compare or make it known; I should know with having had Henry as my shadow."
Austin watched Merrigold struggle to tie her corset. He slowly stood up and went behind her. She saw his reflection on the mirror and smiled. He always her tied her corsets for her— A corset is a garment worn to hold and train the torso into a desired shape, traditionally a smaller waist or larger bottom, for aesthetic or medical purposes (either for the duration of wearing it or with a more lasting effect), or support the breasts.— as a slave she never wore such, but now she could. She was a lady. She already had a body that resembled an hourglass without a corset, so it only defined her waist furthermore she only started wearing it for postpartum purposes trying to earn her body back.
"You look splendid my love."
"Hopefully not to steal from the bride's shine?"
This made Austin laugh, embracing her from behind. "I'm sure Panashe won't mind."
"You're despicable!" She told him.
"She is expecting, already eight months in. I do not understand why William felt the need to rush this. After all, pregnant women make me nervous, you were unbearable..."
"That's not very nice!" Merrigold turned around to gasp at him. He only shrugged. "Maybe, they want to be married by the time they have their second child... I feel that's reasonable, I had no knowledge of her being with child. She never said a word when she visited with my mother."
"I suppose..." Austin mumbled returning to the twins who still sat on the bed, their stance supported by cushions. They were mumbling incoherent sounds.
"AUSTIN!" Merrigold yelled.
"What is it?"
"I did not iron that blazer so you could carelessly lay on the bed..!"
"...love..." Austin murmured amused.
"Get up!"
"Fine, there... I'm up!"
"Good."
Austin laughed. "You my dear, amuse me. Ever more that I will spend the rest of my life with you constantly scolding me."
"It's all out of love, you're overall a mess at times. Too clumsy for my own liking."
"For your own liking? You mean to say your own loving because—"
"Be quiet Austin, leave your occupation at the door step. This isn't an argument." Merrigold teases him. Austin smirked, then a thought suddenly came to mind.
"Merri..?"
"Yes?
"Do you think it's possible for two men to be involved?"
Taken aback, Merrigold put Lionel back down on the bed. Staring at Austin she muttered. "Of course, men are allowed to have friends as well..."
"Not friends... but rather—"
"Austin!" Merrigold gasped.
"It's only a question love."
"What is making you have such unjust thoughts? Oh goodness, is this why you're not pleased about William marrying? You feel that way for him don't you? I always knew that friendship was questionable!"
Austin laughed hysterically at this. Merrigold was so appalled she had to sit down on the stool to catch her breath.
"No love, not me. It was only a question out of curiosity that is after I read in the paper the penalty for such intolerant behavior."
"Are you sure?"
"As sure as could be, I love you."
Merrigold hugged him tightly, the thought of losing him when their life together had only begun was something she couldn't imagine. Even worse losing him to a man.
"I question a lot of things. Things that we're taught are right and wrong. You and I weren't legally allowed to be together but I love you. William loves Panashe and always has since we were kids. Whenever I'd ask what was the most exciting part about his summer vacation, he would mention a certain girl because I was a little racist stud, he never mentioned anything about her race. He'd always say 'Austin, I will marry her.' I thought he was making a banter, what does a thirteen year old know about love but here we're today. They're getting married. I digress, my point is if we're taught loving outside of our race is wrong, then what if loving one gender is also wrong. I was able to fall for someone outside my race, so has William... what if others fall for the same gender. It's a lot to take in but I've been reading on it. I had a client recently charged with same-sex sodomy, the manner in which he described his struggles... is the same manner William described to me about his relationship with Panashe. The hiding, the guilt, the feeling of being indecent or immoral... trying to hide from what you truly want. That's not a life..."
Merrigold was dumbfounded for a bit. "It's awful. I reckon you and I weren't concerned about the law. Moreso it was you fighting your own battles with Stella then taking them out on me and my, trying to convince myself I love Thomas even when I did not feel it. For Panashe and William it was just so much."
"It was."
"You should make that your speech. Exclude the sodomy part. People aren't ready to hear that, it would surely ruin the whole wedding. Just the part about William saying he will marry her."
"What about the part when he slept with her for the first time?"
"You're unbearable Austin." Merrigold told him. "I reckon from what Panashe told me it wasn't all roses on the bed."
"Definitely not, but I should include the very best part."
"And what's that?"
"I was the reason Christian was born." Austin muttered proudly. "I told Will, go ahead make her pregnant."
"That's not something to be proud of."
"If you look at it this way it is. Imagine if she had been impregnated by Elliot, the chances of her and Will being together were unlikely. She would have moved to this plantation befriended you maybe. Without Christian, Old Gallagher would have never softened up..."
"You make it seem as if this was the entire plan. You merely told him to make her pregnant but then things just happened to fall into place somehow... but wait— if you told him to make her pregnant then where were you when they were accusing her of caring another man's child?"
"I suppose, I had my own issues and did not want to be involved."
Crossing her arms, Merri rolled her eyes at him. "Issues like what? Painting your scary art in an empty secluded home and planning Stella's murder."
"Aww you know me so well." Austin teased.
Before they could continue, the boys were already cranky. Crying for attention. Their conversation always went that way. They were like best friends constantly gossiping. A relationship formed with the foundation of friendship always seemed to last long.