While Zarin dusted himself off, he sensed his father's presence. He looked up and found his father standing with his hands behind his back and look on his face that made Zarin's heart tighten in his chest.
Even though they were standing outside, it felt like there was no air to breathe in. Zarin felt nauseous again. He was mostly sorry and guilty toward his father. He had never been fair to him.
"Father." He could hear the slight tremble in his tone.
"Zarin." His father said his name as usual. Not softer, not colder. Almost as if he had been there all the time and never left.
How he used to hate his father's calm yet resolute voice. The voice of a confident and responsible man. The voice of a leader. The voice of his father that he should have been proud of.
Hesitantly, he walked up to him. "Father, I am back." He said, feeling shame.
'If you accept to have me back.' He thought.
With dread, he looked into his father's eyes. There was so much pain trapped in them. Pain that he had caused. A frown settled between his brows and his jaw clenched.
"Is it my son who is back?" He asked, noticing the golden flecks in his son's eyes.
Zarin had forgotten about them for a moment.
"Father. Even if you opened my veins and emptied them of blood, I would still be your son."
His father shook his head with teary eyes. "It seems like I failed as a father." He said.
"No!" Zarin shook his head violently. He wanted to say something, but his throat became suddenly dry and the words refused to come out.
"I know I haven't been the best father. I am sure I made mistakes. You are my firstborn. Before you I have only held Heaven." He took a deep breath, having difficulty continuing. "I have never felt a happiness like the one I felt when you were born." His voice broke and Zarin felt his heart break into a million pieces.
He had seen his father being vulnerable before, but he had never seen him this way.
"I have never felt such love for someone before, and I have only wanted and wished the best for you. What have I done so badly that you had to do this to yourself?"
Zarin wanted to reach for his father, but he felt unworthy of touching him. Tears blurred his vision, yet he could still clearly see his father's pain. He could feel it in the air. He could breathe it in, and it would suffocate him.
His mother was sobbing at the side. She had probably never seen her husband like this before.
Gina was also crying in silence.
"Tell me what I did wrong? Tell me, son."
Zarin forced himself to speak through the tears. Through the pain that tightened his heart and squeezed the air out of his lungs.
"It is not you, father. It is me." He said, placing his hand on his chest. "I was the son who could never be like his father because his father was too good. I hated that I had to reach to your level. I hated that people expected me to be like you. They would compare me to you, say that I was nothing like you."
Even Heaven had compared him to his father. How could someone who had his parents as parents turn out to be like him? It was a valid question that people asked. But instead of looking inside himself, he put the blame on his father. Hated him for being the way he was and distanced himself from him.
"Father. You were everything I wanted to be, but I didn't want to put the effort to be better. As much as I hated to be compared to you, I hated to hear that I wasn't like you. I was lazy, jealous and full of hate. Seeing Gina being just like you, made me feel even more incapable. It made me… envious."
He looked over at Gina, expecting her to be disgusted with him, but she just cried. He had no right to envy her. While he enjoyed life, she worked hard to reach where she was.
He turned back to his father and held his arms out with a pained smile. "See. It is me. I envy everyone. Even my own family. My heart if full of darkness but... do know father… you...you saved me from drowning completely. There is a little place in my heart where darkness couldn't reach because it was engraved with the good things you taught me. I could never say that I didn't know the difference between right and wrong. I could feel it in my heart every time I did something bad. I would hear your words."
HIs father closed his eyes, letting the tears stream down his face. But Zarin wasn't done. He wanted to let it all out today.
"A good father might hold his son's hand and help him walk so he doesn't fall. You father, you let me walk alone. But instead you armed me so when I fell I could shield myself and fight my way up. That is the kind of father you…"
Before he could finish his sentence, his father grabbed his shoulders and pulled him in for a hug. Both of them cried. "Where did you learn to talk like this?" He asked, embracing him.
Overwhelmed with so many emotions, Zarin wrapped his arms around his father. His manly scent that he could smell stronger now because of his demon made him feel protected. His father was his protector and no matter how old he became, his father would always be his hero.
"I learned from you." He replied. "I am sorry for everything."
"It is alright, son. I am glad you came back." He clapped him on his back.
His mother and Gina joined the hug, wrapping their arms around the two men. They were one happy family again.
But Zarin had more people to thank and apologize to. Especially Heaven and Zamiel.