Selena gave a little grin in response. Realizing how much Reidan wanted this and had chosen her was a touch overpowering. Selena couldn't help but feel that no other man she had ever met had such intense sexual desire. She had just recently met the man, and already he was dictating rules and ordering her.
Selena thought, I feel like such a nasty little slut, yet I can't help but smile. She had never imagined herself to be the slutty little whore that gets banged. She was expected to be a decent girl who was respectful, quiet, and tidy. She didn't have to be either way, though, because to the arrangement Reidan was presenting to her. She might carry on as normal during the day, but as soon as she entered the playroom, Reidan would treat her like his personal toy. She would be mindless meat. She was much more aroused than she should have been by the concept.
Selena perused the subsequent paragraphs until her eyes rested on a list of activities that, if she signed the contract, she would be agreeing to, including:
Handcuffs, steel bars, and ropes are used for restraint. The constraint will leave obvious markings on the skin, which the Sub must hide during working hours.
oral sex while being constrained
while restrained, receiving attention from the Dom's fingers and from a variety of sex devices.
Conversation while confined, including using a ball gag that would make it difficult for the Sub to talk.
Being teased to the point of sobbing.
Selena paused once more and gasped heavily as she saw herself disintegrating in Reidan's hands. Could she let each of her defenses to fall as he gradually tore away at every single layer of strength she had painstakingly built up over the years? She immediately said "No," saying that she lacked the necessary courage.
The hairs on the back of her neck sprang up, though, as though her flesh were already eager to be stroked, tickled, slapped, and hurt. She continued to read while experiencing a mile-long rush of blood through her veins.
Anal sex with physical restrictions is a topic that should be discussed later on by the Dom and the Sub, Reidan had written under the bulleted list. Fuck, thought Selena as she began to perspire beneath her arms and at the base of her neck. Even with her most committed relationships, she had never done it before.
Although she was somewhat happy that the contract did not need her to do it in order to serve as Reidan's Sub, she didn't feel like completely ruling out the option. She could eventually reach that point and allow someone access to her body in a completely other way.
The Sub must also consent to follow-up care. This is the Dom taking care of any marks or painful spots that may have developed after the session. This may involve massaging the sore regions or giving the Sub a bath to help him or her relax. Following each session in the playroom, the Dom will make sure the Sub is relaxed, nourished, and comfortable. This cannot be negotiated. Aftercare must be approved by the Sub in order for the session to take place in the playroom.
The last clause before the contract's signing part was where Selena stopped reading. This was the passage that gave her the most pause that evening, for whatever reason. Aftercare? If she was being completely honest with herself, that sounded like odd, mushy garbage.
She had always preferred to immediately get up after having sex and leap into the shower to wash off all the sweat, dirt, and come from her body so she could act as like nothing had happened. She realized it was strange that she didn't want to hug, spoon, or do anything else that "normal" couples loved to do, but none of her partners had ever expressed any objections to it.
Perhaps she had a flaw; perhaps she was broken beyond repair and could never be healed. Perhaps this was the manner in which she would ultimately let Reidan down, and perhaps after displaying her actual vulnerability, she would feel too self-conscious to continue working at the Bianco estate. Selena could not be sentimental. She was unable to.
Everything she did in life had to be a chore, a war, a dispute, or an assignment. She was really unsure about her ability to let Reidan "take care" of her. Her stomach's contents began to move about as though her food was pondering a comeback at the notion.
Selena sat up straight and put her hands on the table's smooth surface, letting the feel of the painted wood on her skin ground her and give her time to collect her thoughts. She wished for this. She wanted this so much. Even if it was only for a few hours, she wanted to experience the wonderful relief that comes from giving power to someone else. For the first time in her godforsaken existence, she wanted to let her body take control and do what it truly desired by switching her head off, turning off every single annoying thought that had ever crossed her mind.
But the idea of the aftercare was so unsettling that she almost left the office without signing the contract and vowed to never come back to work again to avoid having to defend herself.
As she slowly rose to her feet, she thought, I could do this. Right now, I could leave this place with my dignity intact. I could go without ever putting myself to the test or proving to myself that I'm not capable of developing a meaningful relationship with anyone.
She had never seen a gloomy chamber like this one before, yet her legs felt as though they were anchored to the ground like a centuries-old tree. When she imagined how it would feel if she never saw it again, she experienced a crushing sensation in her chest, like if a piece of her heart were tearing itself off of her body.
She made an effort to reason with herself, hoping that it would prevail over her idiotic, stupid body's primal inclinations. She tried to remain as composed as she could and murmured to her blood in her veins, I can do it. I cannot be a wimp. I cannot be feeble. I am unable to release the reins. I'll simply make a fool of myself.
But a response sprang from the depths of her spirit that was more powerful than any previous idea she could recall. Then what? Who cares if you fail? Don't you want to try being courageous once? Why wouldn't you want to be anything but safe?
Before she could stop herself, she reached out and took the pen from the edge of the desk, bending down to write her name in the appropriate place on the contract's final page.
She spoke aloud to herself, "There. Happy now? ”
Although she had intended to be snarky and rage at herself for being so stupid, the fact was that she was quite thrilled. At the very least, she felt content for the first time in a long time. Her muscles felt fluid and at ease, as if she had just returned from a week at a spa where powerful men had worked every last piece of stress out of her body. Rather, it was superior than that. It was as though her body had never experienced any strain; it was as if the act of simply putting her name on a piece of paper had given her a new life.
Reidan would see her name written on the final page of the contract when he returned to his playroom, so Selena breathed deeply and set the pen back down on the desk while keeping the document's pages in place.
To avoid making a lot of noise, she delicately opened the door after slowly making her way across the room to it. She had the impression that she had just done something silent and covert. Even though she felt like passersby could undoubtedly hear her heartbeat pounding from within her body like the crackle of fireworks, she felt that doing so would have been almost impolite at this moment.
But before she could even get back to the dining room area halfway down the corridor, a servant in a stylish dark suit materialized out of nowhere.
The servant addressed her as "Mistress Selena" and extended his arm for her to grasp. Selena simply looked down at it for a moment, feeling completely perplexed—not the least of which was the fact that she had never in her whole life been referred to as "mistress."
She must have been perplexed when the servant noticed it since he said, "Master Reidan told me to bring you to the town car outside. Do you want to follow me? ”
Selena nodded sweetly and briefly contemplated declining since she felt uncomfortable being practically escorted downstairs as like she were some sort of princess. But at the last second, she changed her mind and put as comfortable an arm over the servant's as she could.
She responded, sounding much more certain than she actually felt, "Lead the way." But she decided that, at least tonight, she had to attempt to follow Reidan's instructions. She had to begin to grow used to feeling uneasy or unsure of what to do. She had to learn to be impulsive and prepare for the unexpected because she was now living in Reidan's world. Hell, maybe it would even be good to feel like a princess for a change. That would be a significant shift of pace.
Even so, she felt a bit let down as she walked outside with the butler to the town vehicle that was waiting to take her home. As she considered it, she realized she wanted to say goodbye to Reidan again. She berated herself for being such a sissy over her new non-relationship and said, "I'll see him tomorrow." However, it wasn't really the case, was it? Tomorrow she wasn't going to see him. He and she would be very different people in the morning.
As she got into the town vehicle and let her head rest on the headrest as the driver drove out into the night, she reasoned that keeping the two worlds apart was better this way. This would make her feel safer than genuinely letting him touch her. However, a dark, hidden, and deep part of her yearned to be touched.