Chapter 95
I don’t know if I will nod or shook my head at his question. Many people were watching us. Almost all the students, teachers, principal, and guesses, are watching us.
I'm ashamed. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
"You're the one I am referring to," he said, he's smiling sweetly on me. Maybe he thinks I'm going to melt. I'm not used to it.
I was deafened by the beating of my chest. It was as if my heart would explode at any moment. My cheeks are getting very hot.
“I gathered all the courage to ask you and confess everything to you. So I didn't leave to go back to America because I want to fight how I feel about you, even though I know ... I will have a hard time. ”
I can't keep quiet about what he's saying. My tongue seems to be curling. I've been like this before. I could no longer understand what was going on with myself. I'm going crazy.
This time, I will gather my courage to say what I want to say. If anything I can say, it’s just driven by my passion.
"I don't know," that's what I said that came out of my mouth.
I looked at the people around us. I had never experienced this before. I didn’t expect this to happen today.
They are so eager for what I have to say. They were all supportive of us.
I turned my gaze back to Neil when I caught sight of the man wearing the brown bear costumes. He was leaving, so I called him. He just stopped but didn't look at me.
I want to know who is the man behind that costume. I am curious to know.
"Hey!"
It seems like he's feeling hesitant to approach me, so I approached him.
Who is he?
I stopped in front of him. I am wondering who's the person behind that costume. I am really curious.
"Can I remove it?" I asked. I knew he knew what I was referring to.
He nodded, so I smiled.
I touched the costume of his head. I smiled as I slowly lifted it.
I could not blink at what I saw. The person behind that costume is ... Caleb?
"C-c-caleb?"
He looked at me and there was a bitter smile on his lips. I felt something suddenly pierce my heart. My chest suddenly tightened.
“W-w-what—”
“Shey,” he called me in a very cold tone of voice. I don't like hearing that kind of voice, it hurts me.
He smiled at me but I felt that smile was not real. I felt and noticed that it was a bitter smile. Caleb just tries to smile in front of me.
Am I hurting him?
"C-caleb ..."
He caressed my cheek while smiling at me. I look him in the eyes. I couldn’t understand how I felt while he was in front of me.
Why ... why is he here? Why ... why is he wearing a costume? Why ... why him?
I noticed his tears welling up, so he averted his eyes from me. I noticed his tears dripping on the ground that tightened especially on my chest.
They are watching us even Neil. I'm confused. My chest tightens. My heart seemed to be pounding.
I touched both of his cheeks. I lifted his face, so he could look at me. I met the sad look he had on me even though he was smiling.
"What are you doing?" I asked gently.
He smiled ... bitterly.
“I will always be here to wait for you until you love me the way I love you,” he weakly and softly said. I couldn't speak, so I just hugged him tightly.
I don't care what other people say.
Did I hurt Caleb? But what is it that makes me feel heavy in the chest?
People are looking at us and I know they are confused by what is happening.
Caleb spontaneously slipped out of the hug, so I could do nothing but let him go.
“I know, Shey,” he said. “I feel like Neil is who you want, your heart wants. I always notice that,” phe added. “Especially when you were together at the Orphanage. I feel it, Shey. ”
How did he know that Neil and I were together at the Orphanage? He was not there.
"... I'm following you," he laughed. “... because I want to make sure you are safe with him. I figured out that Neil is a responsible man that you deserve,” he continued in a weak tone of voice. He was looking into my eyes and there were tears in his eyes again. “... but, Shey,” he paused for a moment. I can't speak. "... Shey, what about me?" he asked. I immediately averted my gaze from him and turned to something else, to the audiences watching us. I may not be able to cope, I may cry suddenly at the wrong time.
He touched both my cheeks, so I looked at him, direct to his eyes.
He smiled even though it was bitter, and s
he just forced a smile again.
“... I am happy for you. Don't worry, I will always be here for you. I won't leave you, you will always be here,” he said and pointed his heart. "You will remain here."
"I know ..."
I don’t know if I can say this. It's like I'm going to hurt him more and I'm just going to hurt him too.
I hate it! I hurt someone special. Why Caleb?
“I ... know ...” I paused for a moment. “... someone better is yet to come,” I continued.
“But I want that someone to be you,” he insisted. “But ... I don’t want to force you to love me back. It's not like that love because ... I want you to love me because you love me, and not because I forced you to love me. ”
"S-s-sorry."
I said nothing but that word. I just felt it now.
“Sorry, Caleb. I can't no longer fulfill my promises to you. ”
He just hugged me tightly. There seems to be a lot going on in my chest. I feel like I want to cry that I can’t.
"Love him because you love him, Shey," he whispered in my ear before he left. I watched him as he walked away.
I can't explain but I feel so heavy.
I turned to Neil who was looking at me. I looked at the people around us.
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I want to escape today.
Neil walked over to me and hugged me. I couldn't lie down when he hugged me.
I need someone's comfort.
“He told me everything,” he said. "He supported me because he loves you," he added. I closed my eyes as my face sank into his chest. I can hear his heartbeat. "He left you to me and Samuel too," he continued.
I shook. He tightened his grip on me even more.
"I tried my best to avoid you to get rid of my feelings but I'm only falling more."
I stepped away a bit and looked at him.
I shook my head spontaneously.
"I ... don't ... know."
I want to leave this place and be alone for a while. I feel like I can't breathe.
"I ... don't ... understand."
I slowly stepped back while still looking at him. I don't know why I am stepping back.
"I am ... scared." I stepped backward again. "I ... don't ... want to feel the pain I had felt before."
“I am sorry,” he said.
"I'm not ready yet." I stepped backward again. "I want to be alone, sorry," I lastly said and I ran out of the University.
I want to have a peace of mind. I want some space. I'm confused. I don’t know how I’m going to deal with everything. I don’t understand what’s going on and why it’s happening.
I called Uncle Gong to pick me up. He came immediately and wondered what I was doing.
"Is there a problem?" he asked.
"N-n-nothing."
"I know there is, I know you," he said, so I looked at him even though he was just looking in the mirror. "I know you can get through that, just be confident and be strong."
I smiled because of what he said. I told him to stop the car at the Orphanage. That’s where he took me.
He has left. I told him to go back to the mansion to be with Mommy.
I was just here, I was just standing in front of the orphanage. I don’t know why here I thought to go.
I went for a walk to entertain myself. I see a lot of people having fun with their loved ones. Mostly, they were wearing red shirts and holding hands. It wasn’t teen lovers that grabbed my attention but the elderly couple. An old man holding a bouquet of flowers he gave to the old lady. My chest seemed to lose weight.
I was just watching them both. I am wondering who would be there for me when I grow old? When my hair is white, will my future husband still love me? Is the sweetness still there in us even when we are older?
I smiled when I saw the old lady kiss the old man. They walked while holding each other's hands. There were sweet smiles on their lips.
There is more like that. Even when they are old, the sweetness is still there in them.
Even though Grandma had a cane, the two of them were still walking.
I kept smiling as my gaze followed them.
I hope ... there is someone to be there when I get old and I can no longer walk. When my hair is completely gray, I hope there is someone to take care of me until my last breath. I hope ...
"Miss pretty," Jess called me and I was shocked when he called me. I immediately turned to him.
He handed me the rose. I smiled and picked up the rose. "Happy valentine's day," he greeted. I greeted him as well. “Why are you here during valentine? Where is Neil? ” he asked.
“I am here,” someone said behind me and I know his voice.
Jess looked at him too. He was behind me, so I suddenly turned around.
He smiled at me. He ... followed me here.
"N-neil."
He was holding a rose and he handed it to me.
"Y-y-you followed me?"
He smiled and nodded. I didn’t expect him to follow me here.